Comfort Building Tips

[Vincent Chase]

This wil help you build comfort and rapport, not only in sensual environments as well but in everyday social interactions too.
Normally I wouldn’t start a thread, I much prefer the idea of giving advice based on someone’s beck or request, however , I’ve seen a lot of people talking about their sticking point being building comfort. I decided to give a few tips about comfort creation that I use ALL THE TIME, if something isn’t field tested by me personally I’ll say so, always. That being said, this is dedicated to “broke ballin� (read his thread here: http://www.theattractionforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4101) he asked for more info so here goes.

So you’ve mastered your approach, great. You’ve managed to get her interested, that way my sticking point. You’ve even managed to telegraph to her that you’re attracted but, now you’re ready to shift from attraction to comfort and you don’t know how! Well here are some tip’s that I’ve gathered and use myself.

Part of building comfort is demonstrating rapport and conveying commonalities. One of the things you should be doing during the attraction phase is gathering information about her, most people don’t do this. You must use her responses as fodder, as fuel to strengthen your game with her. Think of it as incorporating personal artifacts so as to custom tailor each sarge to the individual being sarged. Let me reproduce an example I give on using information taken from a hypothetical target against her in the sarge:

“Let me ask you something, if you were all alone in a locked room and your cell phone only had the battery power for one phone call, who's your first choice?

Your Mom? Oh I totally feel that, why your mom?
(she'll tell you a reason but most likely it won't be the underlying, true one: she won't tell you that her father was an alcoholic and she always admired her Moms strength.)

Then based on her reasons and what you can extrapolate for other lines of conversation you can tell her about a time that your mom did something for you and ever since that day you have valued your mother even more and placed her in a high esteem. Continue building verbal rapport using stories that indicate that you share similar views and opinions and if you find something that you strongly disagree on, disagree without being disagreeable.�

Do you see how one take information and, on the spot, use it to telegraph to the target that you “understand� her, that you “know who she is� all that a-typical bull crap that women say they’re looking for.

“I just want a guy that GETS me�

Women want this type of rapport, and the great thing is it’s mostly subliminal. I give some great examples of using extracted materials here: http://www.theattractionforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3838&highlight=Vincent+Chase

Another subset I want to hit on is personal space. This VERY important when it comes to comfort. In fact it is quite possibly the thing she will most notice, and will make her uncomfortable, that isn’t to say it’s the most important however. During the comfort building stage you DO want to be closer, however, it is important to remember that being in close proximity of a stranger can be unsettling. There are also other physical factors such as positioning. (This is why we approach indirectly, interestingly enough we are building comfort here even before we open.)
I like to use personal space and distance as a takeaway. When moving to a comfort location I sit first, at least I try to if not I have to guess where it’s comfortable for her. By sitting first I allow her to chose where is most comfortable for her. How do you get closer? Well a couple ways. In louder setting’s I will move a little closer to say something or give the impression that I’m trying to “listen� then I move back but not all the way back, a little bit closer. Sometimes I’ll more closer on the pretext of showing her something, I have a palmistry technique that’s great for this, then I stay closer. There are so many way’s to move closer to her, if you can’t think of any legitimate reason then you can always just say, “You know what, at first I got this strange vibe from you, but I think you’re someone I could get closer to.� Move right next to her, maybe put your arm around her, tilt your head and get a look on your face like your deciding something. After a couple seconds say, “Yea, I could definitely get closer to you.� Then turn and smile and back away just a hair. Now here comes the takeaway. When you’re inching closer to her, if at any time she rears her head when you scoot or you sense her discomfort move away, but farther away than you were before and then just look about for a while waiting for her to re-initiate conversation. Remember! She is already attracted to you at this point, if you’re afraid that she’ll walk away if you snub her then you didn’t do your job.

Something that plays an extraordinarily minor role in rapport these days is ethnicity, however it is still a viable means of building rapport with someone. For instance, if you can tell that a girl is Latino it would be pretty damned nice if you knew something about the culture. She might not even know about the culture herself, and she might not even care but this is part of being someone interesting, it shows that you know shit, you don’t have to know stuff or be knowledgeable on a particular topic, just as long as you know shit. Imagine how cool it would be to walk up to be in comfort building and ask her in Spanish, “Do you speak the language of Romance?� BAM! Social proof, and you just made her more comfortable around you AND you surprised her and became that much more interesting, to boot!
Another factor based on ethnicity is International Sarging. Knowing the customs of the culture and having a knowledge about your surroundings makes it that much more navigable and keeps you from appearing as a total tourist, instead you’re a visitor. Much more appealing.

A major factor in building comfort deals with another piece of the social puzzle, social cliques. Everyone knows about them and everyone belongs to one if not more of them. A social clique is a group of people with some commonalities. Some archetypal Cliques are “The Jocks� “The Populars� “The Ronans/Rebels� “The Beatniks/Hippies� and there are dozens if not hundreds more. One thing you can do to almost instantaneously gain comfort with a woman is to prove that you belong to her focal clique. Let’s say she’s a social butterfly and belongs to many, many different groups and her social networking web has extended so far it’s hard to keep up with, however through speaking with her and extracting information you extrapolate that her focal clique (the main group she belongs to, her core or “base“) is “The Populars� so in the comfort building stage you can rack up major pointage by telling her a story in which you prove or imply that you belong to that same group and with a WHIP, CRACK with your swoopy tail, she’ll be done! She’ll ask you: Be you an angel? And you’ll say; NO! I’m Just a Man, ROCK! Okay, so Tenacious D is playing on my computer right now but, that is besides the point. The point is, that by demonstrating you belong to the same social group, you must have over laps in your social web, you must have gone through similar social testing and rituals and etc, etc, etc. You’ve just hit the bonus level, DING DING DING, you’re that much closer to her panties between your teeth with just one little anecdote.

Moving on, let us talk about appropriation. First off, it is important to know what her expectations are and what she wants to experience in order to treat her appropriately. You must constantly be assessing the situation and calibrating it, this is valuable in identify “undesirables� such as gold diggers and etc… early on so you can drop them or adjust. Things to look for? Like stated earlier, ethnicity. You’re not going to game an Asian-American in America the same you would an Japanese Girl in Japan. Age is a large factor as well, speaking with a 29 year old is vastly different, in most cases, than with a 19 year old. Lastly, IMO, is social class, Ritchie Rich OC gets treated differently than MS. sub-lower class Minnesota girl, not better, not worse DIFFERENT and that’s important to understand, you must always adjust to class. Obviously People more accustomed to a higher standard of living are going to respond to decadence where a person of lower class will respond similarly, most likely, with much less demonstrating of “wealth. Of course wealth doesn’t mean just money, keep that in mind there boys, I’m no Count of Monte Cristo, I’m Edward Dantes.

On a more subliminal note, let me talk about setting. Let’s start with music and background noise, generally speaking the louder a venue the more unsuitable it is for comfort building, however, it should be noted that music of any kind is more comfortable than none. I suggest a cigar lounge (more on that later) or a nice jazz club, or really any place with a more relaxed setting than a club or bar. Additionally, when isolated with a girl it makes her more comfortable when she can hear people or sounds relating to people (i.e. cars , telephones ringing, etc…) I first discovered this at a restaurant around St. Pete Beach, Fla. Where they close the booths around you, placing you in some sort of dome. I was sitting across the table from the girl but I could tell she was uncomfortable so I asked her, “What’s the matter?� and she told me that it was awkward being somewhere that no one would be able to hear her scream.� She smiled afterwards but it struck a chord in me and I jotted that down in my head-notes. So I cracked the sliding doors open a bit and she actually de-tensed, “Don’t worry, I never kill on the first date.�
Next up for sub.lims. Is food. No doubt you’ve heard the phrase “Comfort Food� before, but I’ll bet you’ve never really given it any thought. We’ll I’ve developed a 2nd day system that works great at building comfort. Think back, ever seen “Groundhogs Day� with Bill Murray? Remember when he spends three days or so trying to find out what Andie Mac Dowel is drinking at the bar? Why does he do that, well to have a commonality, to build rapport. When you’re out with a woman you should pay attention to the food and drink that she orders. Additionally I like to ask a questionnaire during qualifying. I say “Are you ready for the Lightening Round?� and ask a mixture of funny and serious questions really fast, like:
“Who would you want to high five, alive or dead?
What’s cuter a puppy or a baby rabbit?
Do you enjoy long walks on the beach?
How about candle lit dinners and Shakespeare?
Do you like plays?
How many bones have you broken?
What’s your favorite food?
Mayo or Miracle Whip?
If you bore my children, would YOU choose Jiff?
If I have twelve toes, what is the circumference of Ecuador?

HA! I got you! The Circumference of Ecuador is… Ramen and a Half!�

Then later I can use some of her answers against her, for example, the 2nd day I‘ll take her to a restaurant and order Crème Brule, You see, chances are, she won’t remember telling me her favorite food and will be surprised when I order it and BA-DANG you just built some more comfort.
DOUBLE BONUS: Even if the girl catches you, this happened last month, you’ll still gain comfort. Why you may ask? BECAUSE YOU REMEMBERED! It’s that easy.

Now onto color. Color is amazingly influential, why do you think McDonalds sign is Red and Yellow? Yellow subconsciously calms you and red makes you hungry. THOSE BASTARDS, Right? Well learn a lesson from marketing. Just by wearing earthy or cool colors you telegraph a more inviting aura. But don’t take my word for it read this actual quote from an actual newspaper:

“Color can have such a strong influence on behavior, that some city jails have painted their cells pink because of its calming effect on rowdy inmates.�

Don’t believe me, look it up on Google! Now while I’m not so sure that pink calmed them down, so much as it’s impossible to look bad-ass caged in pink cement I am certain that color is dangerously powerful at influencing minds subliminally. I’ve already written on this so I’ll reproduce it below:

Subliminal things that build comfort are earthy and cool colors (Bounce to a lounge with brown leathers or blue walls, or on the second date wear something green or sienna.) and smooth, constant, slower and relax speech. When you are building comfort do not wear any pea|||| material, this will transmit to her mind subliminal that you are "off the market" for her and that you aren't trying to impress her, which of course you are.

Now you see why I mentioned the Cigar lounge earlier. Generally they are decorated with Neutral and earthy tones, this is a great environment for building comfort, wearing a cool color (Green or Blue) will allow you to pop out while also being calming. Generally these lounges have live music, but it tends to be on the more Muzac, easy listening scale which is suitable more for comfort building, they usually have a bar and serve foods and the banter of people is also welcomed for comfort. It’s best to sit it arm chairs out in the open and sip on some water until the food arrives, then move to a more secluded booth.

Lastly I will mention physical rapport. One of the most powerful and subliminal things you can do is match your breathing patterns and eye movements, she shifts her gaze to your mouth so you shift yours to hers, she sighs, so do you, etc… Also, copying is useful to a degree, repeat phrases she says, especially clichés, and match her actions, don’t mirror everything she does, but when she drinks so do you, when she bites (situation permitting) so do you. Speaking or mirroring, Now is as good a time as any to mention that mirrors are uncomfortable in social settings (unless you or her are narcissistic.) They detract from “the moment� and reminder her that she is “there� forcing her to pay more attention to her mannerisms, thus distracting her from you. So, general rule of thumb avoid places with lot’s of mirrors.

That’s just about all the material I have, I leave you with this piece of parting. If you find your self in a debate, you are losing comfort rapidly, debating is terrible! That isn’t to say you can’t disagree, by all means you should but if you enter a debate you lose rapport and commonality as well as it wastes valuable time that could be used gaming, good advice, disagree without being disagreeable.

-Vincent Chase

P.S. Some great books used by marketing companies and businesses can be found listed here:

http://www.datadome.com/products/sbs_socilow.shtml

[eFlow]

good post bro, I learned a few things...
do u think you could check out one of my current situations and give me some feedback
My current situation of prospect 1

[Vincent Chase]

Yeah, no problem man i'll take a look.
I can't say for certain that i'll be able to help, but i'll try.

[Cedar]

Originally Posted by Vincent Chase

...One of the most powerful and subliminal things you can do is match your breathing patterns and eye movements, she shifts her gaze to your mouth so you shift yours to hers, she sighs, so do you, etc…

FYI, Mystery believes mirroring is an interesting phenomenon, but it has no in field value. This is from a stint on David D's Body Language DVD set. I find women mirroring my actions in C1 when the sarge is going well. Better to lead than to take the effort to copy her.
Aside from that, welcome to the best of. You filled some holes into my own knowledge on this one.

[Vincent Chase]

"After that post, the move to MOD was inevitable."
-Hysteria on VCs Comfort Post.
...okay, so Hysteria never REALLY said it but HE SHOULD HAVE! (You've been given a change to redeem yourself Hyst!)
But you're probably thinking: "Did he just post the most worthless thing i've ever seen? BUMP!"
Well yes and no, up until this point it has been the worthless post you've ever read, but dear child. READ ON!
So I was at the Chicago Boot-camp and I don't remember who I was talking to but I mentioned that one of the things that always stuck with from the video was when Mystery was telling the "Breaking Windows" routine. If you haven't seen the video I won't tell you what it is BUY IT!, If you have then you'll know it as the one where he illustrates the idea by using dry erase markers.
SO ANYWHO! I'm watching it and all the while i'm thinking, "This dude is a ||||in' rampaging jack-hole."
But he continues the story and I continue watching, the story comes to a close and when he finsishes it he says something that clams me, something that chills the fire in my belly, something that rests the ||||||| of my emotions. "I'm not saying that's the right thing to do... I'm just saying that's what I did."
Whoa.
WTF, Just happened? Everythig he said suddenly became validated to me.
I started thinking and I talked to the guys at the CBC and they all agreed, someone said: "You can't do that routine without that line, we've tried. You just come across as an asshole."
Something popped into my head, i've got some similar stories and after telling them I sometimes notice an awkward vibe inside the set.
I tried something this past weekend, something i'm calling Action Justification. When you tell a story like that you NEED some sort of vindication to it, or else you will become something of a Maverick in the eyes of the set. Some people don't mind this but I find that around more conservative type people, they somehow grow wary of you and you have to spend extra salvaging the set or bail.
We noticed that during our experiments, (my wing Amadeus stayed at my place all week) it effected us down the line in comfort, the girls seemed a bit stand offish, as if they were uncomfortable being isolated with us EVEN THOUGH they had been well qualified and were well attracted (we went to 5 IOIs, which is overkill and may stale out you out because you don't act quick enough, you have to throttle it slower and keep the attraction tension rising at a lower but steady rate. Fluff talk and entertainment is essential.)
However during the sets where we ran Vindicated Acceptability Justfiers {Deus named it, he gets carried away.} (or VAJ-inas as we started to jokingly call them.) they carried on as smooth as Kirten Dunsts lack of an ass.
When telling DHVs like this (which tend to fall into Alpha Exposing or Leader of Men) you need a VAJina to counter act the wash down of testosterone placed inadvertently in these stories.
Don't over glorify, be blunt and make sure to carry a VAJina or two around with you for when you tell these stories, then just toss a VAJina into their faces and they'll be cool about it.
Remember, you must Validate your actions or they will be misconstrued, whip out your VAJina and chill them out. Vindication is a powerful tool, it doesn't have to be in leader of men stories, Tristan came out with us on Monday and ran his "Sexuality" routines in almost every set, the ones where he didn't use his VAJinas blew him out or were disgusted and slowly staled no matter what he did (although one set loved it and turned into a flock of Blue Bunnies.) Next set he told his story about him getting into a Threesome at a Baby Shower with the expecting Mothers Sister and Sister-In-Law, he threw his VAJina in their laps and they ate it up.
YOU MUST JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS IN SOME WAY! In one set he used the classic, "But i'm a sexual being, humans were designed for lust. I tried but I couldn't deny getting Primal." AND IT WORKED! The set I just mention where he told the "Baby Twins" story he said, "Women get so horny when they think about babies, i'm not saying having sex with two women in a stranger house is something someone should strive for but it's something that happened and i'm not apologizing."
I FINALLY got to use something i've been wanting to say in set FOREVER I told my story of beating the shit out of some dude that broke in one of my girls cars windows followed with: "I'm not a role model for your life, (YES!) and i'm not claiming to be, but I had to do something not for me, but for her."
We only tested this for 4 nights, so it's not set in stone and the results showed that it didn't hurt any sets, but it did help on some. SO always find someway to make your behavior acceptable in the eyes of others when telling them a story containing content of that nature.
CHEERS!