So you want to get BIG?? by Humorus

[HumorUS]

Hey.. so, youre 6'0 and you weigh 130 pounds... You look like a jewish person in the holocaust... your arms are pretty much skin on some bone, your chest is a cave... your back has no more muscle mass than a buffalo wing??
Lets face it, you really cant consider yourself a PUA in your own mind if when you take your shirt off, you look like this...



when you get out of the shower, you wrap a towel around your waist and you take that dreadful walk towards the mirror hoping to find somewhat of a masculine body staring back at you?? only to find yourself looking like a wet Mr. Burns




well, I , HUMORUS will tell you exactly WHAT I DID to gain some muscle the RIGHT way with no steroids and some HARD WORK!
(once again, this is what i did.. im not saying its right, but it sure did work for me!)

First off, i want you to know, that i was over weight, with some small arms, man boobs and a shape that looked somewhat like a bowling pin.and i looked something like this.. (Im not afraid of letting you know who i am.)


My lady situation was kept in balance due to my comedy and personality, but without that, i would have been wiped off the gene pool.
(i was In college at the beginning of the new year 2008.. fast food and beer have taken its toll)
I have NEVER been skinny, so i know what youre thinking

"humorus, how are you gonna tell me how to gain MASS when youve never been skinny before"


My Muscle gains have been dually noted.. my arms have grown, my jawline has appeared, my chest is firm and i have broad shoulders.. and now i look like this...IN SEQUENTIAL ORDER... i began to train because i got the friends speech ONE TOO MANY TIMES!!!I started in MARCH 2008.. so what you see is roughly about 2 months of work PAYING OFF!!!

First i dropped weight..


Then got bigger

and SEXIER!!


and bigger

and SEXIER

and BIGGER!!!!

and a little bit bigger and leaner

Thats where im at right now.. Ive still working hard, but the difference is DRAMATIC.. now im not gonna stand here and tell you.. Yeah.. i took a magic powder and i got bigger.. |||| THAT! Ive been busting my ASS for 2 and a half months to get results.. what i want you to realize is that THIS WILL BE HARD...

and i refer to one of my fav quotes..

"Of course its gonna be hard, if it wasnt hard EVERYONE would do it.. Its the HARD PART that makes it GREAT!"

also realize that you are going to have to EAT!!!! at least 5-6 times a day
.. right now you probably eat 1500 calories- 2000 calories a day..

while body builders are eating 9000 calories a day.

you are gonna eat every 3 hours! from as soon as you wake up to right before you go to sleep..

and i hope you have a job, cause this could get a bit expensive. eating right is pricey but its worth it..

You are gonna have to hit the gym at LEAST one hour a day.. NOT COUNTING CARDIO.. and if your tiny and puny, CARDIO IS NOT WHAT YOU NEED!

Lifting weights for an hour a day.. if you get sore.. well.. im not gonna baby you.. TOUGH SHIT! work out a different muscle group..

(side note) For some reason i dont get sore.. but i put my body through crazy training..

Eating is gonna look something like this..

Wake up
Eggwhites (9 ) feel free to add some salsa for some taste.2 Wheat toasts or some oatmeal (believe me for the amount of protien youre gonna be takin in, youre gonna need some fiber to help you shit without feeling like youre being sodomized.)


3 hours later
Eat again something lighter.. Perhaps a Whey Protien shake or a Muscle Milk protein shake

LUNCH
2 salmon Filets Broccli serve over bed of rice (the one at chilis is amazing)
Lots of lime and tabasco sauce (thats how i like it)

3 hours later
Eat a Peanut butter sandwich
WORK OUT!!!
AS SOON AS YOU WORK OUT ... DONT STALL .. RIGHT AS SOON AS YOU PUT THE WEIGHTS DOWN have a Protien shake in hand and ready to drink!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!! Reason being that your muscles have just been put through hell and if you dont feed your body, your muscle eats away at the little muscle you have.. but if you feed it protein (muscle milk) it goes straight to your muscles and begins to feed them and to lighten the soreness of the next day that will inevitably make you ITS BITCH.

The soreness wants you to stop lifting weights.. yeah.. it does.. so the AMOG's can keep their bitches to themselves... ARE YOU GONNA LET THE SORENESS WIN??

Good..

Okay.. so you ate.. you spent an hour in the gym lifting some weights, took some protien and now its around dinner time..

STEAK~!!! RED MEAt OR CHICKEN BREAST
and a double serving of VEGGIES! (no rice or carbs.. at least try not to.. )

Save the Salmons and TUnas for your lunch hour.. they're lighter and keep you from wanting to take a nap after lunch like when you eat a big meal.. Fish LUNCH.. COW/Chicken DINNER

okay.. you ate dinner.. now its time for you to go to sleep.. Right before you go to sleep Drink a nice WHEY PROTEIN .. it'll give your body more fuel to build muscle while you sleep and recover.

alright... Thats how you should think about eating.. you will eat ALOT! the more you eat, the more muscle you will gain.. but i stress this.. the more you eat the GOOD STUFF (salmon tuna steak and chicken) the better you will go through the results.

OKAY... that covers eating which is 80 percent of gaining muscle..

LIFTING WEIGHTS..

I realize that you probably arent that strong, and i was there.. start by doing some push ups.. You probably cant.. (NIETHER COULD I!!) I had to do what i call "bitch pushups" the ones on the knees. but im gonna challenge you..

I want you to do 10 pushups HOWEVER YOU CAN even if theyre sloppy do 10 pushups.. heres the thing.. i want you to do 10 pushups 10 times a day..

thats 100 pushups a day.. but through out of the course of the day..

when you get stronger, do 20 pushups 15 times a day.. thats 300 pushups a day..

okay.. THE PUSHUP CHALLENGE HAS BEEN SET!

okay when i was lifting weights.. i really wanted to accentuate my chest and get rid of the teets i had developed, so i would do chest EVERY OTHER DAY..

Monday-Chest
Tuesday-Arms
Wednesday-Chest
Thursday-shoulders
Friday-Chest
Saturday- back
Sunday legs.

after 3 weeks of this.. my bench press exploded 100 pounds up.. (combined with the pushups..) i was (for the first time) benching 225 (2 45 pound plates on each side) i felt great..

but my chest stopped getting bigger.. my body had PLATEAUED .. Your body will do this when it grows accustomed to your routine.. What did i do?
I switched Chest with ARMS!!

Monday ARMS
tuesday Chest
Wednesday ARMS
Thursdayshoulders
friday arms
saturday back
sunday Legs.

MY ARMS EXPLODED!!!!!

right now, they are about ready to plateau, so im gonna switch arms with SHOULDERs.. and watch the results.. Before I lift weights i also take

SUPER PUMP 250 (nitric oxide) which dialates blood vessles and allow your muscles to get a bigger pump while you work out.. it pumps your muscles FULL of blood and allow your muscles to stretch to get bigger and bigger..

If you all want any info on specific workout routines.. PLEASE do not hesitate to ask.. I'm more than willing to help.. also, Please refer to this website any time youre confused..
BODYBUILDING.com

Luck and Love,
Humorus

[waterboy20]

Nice job man. That's pretty awesome. I am lifting now as well. Kind of the opposite of you, on the skinny side trying to bulk up. I do chest/tri, back/bi, shoulders and legs on all seperate days. Pretty similar to what you do. Nice tips though! I like those quotes. Lifting is probably my favorite hobby.

You should throw in a little cardio to get those abs, and throw in some abs. Also, I think that 9,000 calories is a bit much. More around 4-5,000. I think what's also important to mention, is that the building block is proetein and you need about 180 grams per day, if your about 190-200.

Thanks for posting!

[Leumas]

Hey, awesome post. You make some good points, but you failed to take into account that there are basically three body types; ectomorph, mesomorph, endomorph.

Depending on your bodytype the difficulty of gaining muscle mass is going to vary from very hard to hard. Without any background info about you, I am going to make a bold assumption and say that you are an endomorph/mesomorph. But say for an ectomorph it's a whole different story, building muscle takes more time even if you eat 9000 calories each day (which is virtually impossible, unless you're a 250 bodybuilder shooting HGH).

To say that you should work out one hour each day (or did you mean one hour on the days you actually train?), isn't really a good thing. When you are lifting weights you are actually damaging the muscles. Lifting heavy weights in turn stimulates muscle growth. So, you are going to have to get enough rest and food for the muscles to recover and grow. If you don't give your body the time to recover, in the end you are just going to come down with a flu, get an injury or in the worst case burn out.

If you are just starting out with bodybuilding, I'd recommend a 3-day-a-week or 4-day-a-week program. WfSB and Rippetoe's contain most of the required compound movements (squats, military press, chin ups, dips etc.) required for muscle growth and strength gains.

"You are born weak and die weak, what you are in between those two periods of time is up to you"

[Vapor]

Good post. Smile more!

[HumorUS]

oh.. 9000 calories is what a PROFESSIONAL bodybuilder eats a day like DISGUSTING big...

Ronnie Coleman.. eats 9000 calories a day! (Flex Magazine Shows his eating plan)



Also, i smile alot in my other pics.. I always try to ruin photos. hahaha i'll give you an example...

myspace.com/rgvcomedian

myspace.com/rgvcomedian

[Display MOB]

Hey man I'm a beginner / intermediate bodybuilder (about 2 months not as intense training as you) But I was really skinny and it's great to see how this works the other way around! I have the whey protein supplement (the big barrel 80$ worth ) And I can make shakes out of it but I want to know what you use in the shake so I can compare.

Thanks! And keep training!

[HumorUS]

its just a shake man, honestly.. its alot of hard work and its SUPPLEMENTED by the shake.. the protein wont make you bigger if you dont lift hard..

However.. Try mixing your shake with milk and bananas or some peanut butter.. its a thicker RICHER shake and bananas help with soreness and peanut butter has protein.

Try it lemme know what you think.

[playdate]

Great post man ! Keep up the training, and keep dropping those pounds.
If your reading this, and your not happy with your body go to a gym, eat right, and watch the magic happen. As a former super skinny guy 140lbs at 6'2, I sit at a comfortable 190 with low bf in two years of training. If my skinny lanky ass got strong, you all can ! Only thing I'd note to beginners going to the gym, I would do full body splits, and though the OP worked his chest 3 times a week, I've never worked a body part more then once a week, minus calfs and abs and had great results.

"It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top"

[jughead4466]

good post, however you should of recommended CASEIN protein before bed rather than whey. casein is a slower digestive protein, and will fuel the body for the long periods spent sleeping.

oh and just to add...newbies to lifting...please do some damn squats and deadlifts... they are king when it comes to building muscle.

bench
squats
deadlifts
rows

^^^do them

[BigDuke6]

Good stuff! Inspiring.