Is it ever a good idea to hook up with girls at work?

[The Phoenix]

I work in this office and there are 2 hot women and about 5 fairly hot women, and I hit on them all. And they love it - every last one of them. But at the same time that I softly hit on them (mainly non-verbal) - I also Demonstrate Higher Value with my confidence and laid back humor. I am also frequently going to office parties, and hitting on my female coworkers there as well. It is weird but I thought that a guy at work who did this would be thought of as creepy, but I guess that I have been pretty smooth in my approach and don't act needy or over the top. I tend to communicate a lot of interest with my eyes, and with my attitude, and they all seem to be eating it up. But know things are getting pretty hot in that office, and it seems obvious that several women are starting to get aggravated that I don't make a more serious approach. I usually date women outside of work, but some of these choices at work are beginning to peak my interest. Although, I have communicated clearly to all of the women in the office that I am not looking for anything serious, how much of this would really protect me from any potential drama?

Part of me is thinking: Yeah, time to get down and dirty.

Am I kidding myself in believing that I can acquire some of those female co-workers as friends with benefits without negative consequences?

But am I also kidding myself in believing that I can go back to just being friends with them after increasing the sexual tension to the degree that I have.

Man this situation at work is leaving me horny all day long. These women come by my cubicle all of the time with their tight clothes - licking their lips, bending over so I can see their ass, and finding whatever reason to talk to me in their seductive tone.

I need some serious PUA advice here.


The Phoenix

[RichterScale]

Although it can be a hell of a lot of fun, if your current job is an important part of your overall career strategy it is not a terribly good idea to shit where you eat. Word will get around and you may be passed over for promotion by execs that view it as having a lack of discretion - or are jealous with your success with women. Seriously.

[Sapien]

My experience is that this sort of flirting at work is fun and fine, but taking it further is very risky. It will change the playful dynamic you have going, and will likely result in unforeseeable problems. For instance, one of them may get jealous of another, thus creating a hostile environment; or if you keep it on the DL and it turns out not to be as good as you both hoped, it could create tension between the two of you. The first scenario is hypothetical, but I have actually seen the latter happen, though not to me personally.

[sdnightfly]

A short term job, like a seasonal job. Maybe a family business where she was hired on and she socializes with your family after work where attraction is built over time and it doesn't affect day to day operations.

I see nothing wrong with hanging out with female co-workers, or some flirting, but if it's a job I plan on staying at, I don't want to risk it.

I'd wonder if they talk about you.

If you decide to transfer or get another job, then it would be ok.

[ryancn77]

in less you want her to be your wife stay away!!!! its just bad news

[silversixone]

I've been working for a long time and I've got my share of seniority. Part of my job is to listen when attractive young women come into my office, shut my door and sit down to tell me their problems after you've gone home at night. It happens about once every six weeks. So here's a boss's perspective on this situation:

Even on a good day, it's hard to get an honest day's work out of a young woman in an office. When something is distracting her, it's all but impossible. You, overachiever that you are, are distracting seven of them. Your boss knows this. He only has to see one of them breathing heavily as she passes your cube and he knows what's up. Then he looks at whatever he pays her to do and sees increased error rates. Even if it's just a few files that end up in the wrong place, it costs the company time and money to find them later. That pisses him off because he expects more out of you.

Those of us who grew up around feminism know that the idea of equal work for equal pay is idiocy because while a woman might do equal work, someone will have to hold her hand to make it happen, which keeps him from more important things. Most women work just long enough to figure out that working for a living isn't much fun. The thought of working 40 years like a man terrifies them. With very few exceptions, your female coworkers will marry, get pregnant and leave the company within ten years. Right or wrong, most young women think that they can marry a man who will support them at the drop of a hat. The idea that they might end up nearly unemployable due to sexually related lawsuits by age 30 doesn't occur to them. Over the years, I've met more than a few who were actively looking to sue just about anyone and get themselves a nice little payday before settling down. You, on the other hand, are expected to work until your 65th birthday.

This has become a competition for the women in your office. The one who gets you moves ahead of the others in the marriage race. They want to win not because of who you are or what you do, but because the winner gets to snub the others. The six losers will then hate the winner, and they'll hate you for not picking them. Then your boss to deal with has six wounded women. Just about the time he gets them back in line, you get tired of whoever you picked and kick her to the curb. She'll be a mess, the other six will rally around her and get all emotional again, and he has to clean it up. In the meantime, you're probably chasing another young woman at work instead of doing whatever he pays you to do. So if he gets rid of you now, he avoids a lot of problems.

This is where the HR department comes in. It's not their job to help you - it's their job to protect the company from people like you. If your boss knows what you're doing, he's mentioned it to the HR Director. He'll do this informally because at this point a paper trail actually makes it harder to get rid of you. Instead of going for a potentially controversial firing, they wait until you do something minor yet stupid and sack you for that. Or they put you first in line to get laid off.

Of course none of this is legal or politically correct, and any woman who reads it will scream to have my head stuck on a pole outside her office. But I've been in the workforce longer than you've been alive, and I'm just telling you how things really work.

You make the call.


Silver

[Seascape]

A little less than a year ago I was the biggest wussbag in the world, and had a serious case of one-itis for a woman in the office. I worked up the courage to ask her out, and she said no. We tried the friends thing and that didn't work either. It was a testament to both her professionalism and mine that we didn't let things spoil our working relationship, but things were never the same again. (OK, in some ways they were better.) Seeing her every day was simultaneously a thrill and a little kick in the gut. She quit in July and that was a great thing. Had things actually worked out, office life could have gotten far worse.

Forget about protecting your career. Think about how odd things might get in your day-to-day life.

[doc]

Flirting between men and women is natural...and it happens everywhere.

However, if you do it too much...it`s meaningless.

You become the guy who flirts with all the women... All talk no action.
And, then you start the natural process of who is getting more attention...amongst the women...and they won`t fuck you ... just to assure they get more attention. Because that is more important to a woman among other women...the ATTENTION ...not the SEX.

If there`s one chic in particular you want to fuck...then go for it. And stop hitting or flirting on the rest.

If you like your job...and want to keep it...and not nightmarish...then don`t shit where you eat.Period.

[_Ghost_]

Silver brings a unique perspective to this scenario. It would be wise to heed his advice. Even if you have very little contact with her as part of your job, I would recommend you not pursue a relationship with a woman you work with, even if its just a casual hookup. Its too much trouble and may very well get one or both of you fired.

[DeadEyeDick]

Sarging at work creates more trouble than it's worth.

There are MILLIONS of women out there who don't have the grounds to sue you for sexual harassment.

Why bother with ones who might?