Hi guys, I thought it was time to write a detailed post on Sarging Alone at Night with some practical advice, particularly on ways to start out or to make it easier for those who haven’t done it.
Warning this is a long post.
I know a lot of guys sarge alone, and if you already do – you’ve got my respect! If you don’t, you should give it a try.
I’m not addressing sarging alone by Day in this post - you can find info on that in other posts. This deals with sarging alone at night, particularly in bars, not necessarily loud clubs.
So why sarge alone?
Heres a quick outline of the reasons why we should sarge alone. I will expand on these further down.
It will lead to greater confidence
Inner game will be improved
It will help with your Alpha frame – being the self-sufficient guy
Your game will improve and take on a different aspect– more practice, means you will get better. Not only more approaches, but different situations to adapt to.
Increase your
social circle
Can be done anytime, at a time that suits you. No waiting for the weekend to catch up with mates.
If you can sarge alone, it will be much easier with your wing, much easier
It will get your much better at approaching, you will drastically reduce your fear – not totally, but mostly (not that it has totally gone away for me, I still get some fear if a see a SHB, but fuck it is a lot easier now).
Yes it’s hard, but in this world the things that come hard to us are the most worthwhile. I’m almost certain that in Sydney where the population is 4 million that very very few guys sarge alone here......... because it’s hard.
Isn’t it more fun with your mates?
Well….. yeah, it is actually.
But that’s not the aim here, entirely.
I can go out with my pivot, with some fellow Sydney PUA’s or my AFC mates, and I will have a great time with all groups – in fact ill have a fuckin great time! The fact is I probably don’t have as much of a good a time sarging alone as with any of these groups, but I do get extra practice in. And I get better.
Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy it, but it’s closer to a “mission” if you get my drift.
The Excuses
Ah yes, the excuses are many. Some of the ones that I've come across are:
Everyone will be wondering why I am there by myself
Ill be better when I'm with my mates
I’ve got no safety net – I need to be around with people
What if I see someone I know – won’t it be embarrassing if they see me by myself
Won’t I look strange by myself?
What if they ask my why I’m there with no friends
Yes it feels strange, it feels uncomfortable. When you feel this way, you KNOW you are learning – you are trying something outside your comfort zone – you are developing.
These excuses are just self limiting feelings – they actually have no logical foundation – it just that going out alone goes against what we are used to and it feels strange.
The fact is that a lot of these things are very similar to reasons why we don’t approach at all, even with our wings.
An extension of the 3 Second Rule
We are all familiar with the 3 second rule. Well, there is another rule that I’ve found helps when going out alone: go straight into the bar / club with no hesitation.
Too many times, you might circle past the club, deliberate whether you should go to another club, or just convince yourself otherwise for a whole list of reasons why you shouldn’t do it.
Do it straight away. If there is a bouncer, talk to him on the way in. Talk to anyone guy or girl. You need to get into a social mood.
Warm up sets are ESSENTIAL. This can take the form of the bouncer, the bar staff, other guys if you like. Other guys are so easy for warm ups – “hey, who won in the footy today?... get outta here, no fuckin way!?”, and off you go.
Get yourself into mingling or talking to someone, anyone, ASAP.
And while were talking about warming up, I have found that when you’re on your way to the venue with mates or wings, there is a sense of excitement; there’s testosterone in the air; a sense of anticipation that tends to bounce of one another. When you’re alone, this is much harder to get in this mood. Music is helpful to get you pumped up. Talk to people on the way to the club.
Ditch the security blanket
You go out with your mates and you have a sense of security, a feeling of belonging and being part of a group. If you’re out with a wing and he goes to get a drink or to the toilet, you KNOW he’s coming back so there no big deal when you’re there by yourself.
What happens if he doesn’t come back? In my AFC days, if say, I was with a mate and he took ages to come back (maybe he met someone he knew at the bar or something) I grew uncomfortable waiting for him to come back. That was then.
When you’re out by yourself, you have no “base” – normally with you’re with your mates or your wing, you have a base were you can stand or sit and check out the place, or someone who you can do a walk of the place to see the talent and come back to your wing and report. It’s a place you can just hang, or take a break.
When you’re by yourself there is no base – its all you. You can’t depend on a safe place. So you have to get over that, it’s a test of social pressure. But this social pressure is not something that other people are applying to you, its pressure that you are putting on yourself.
If you think at first you will struggle to do it alone, try just walking into a bar and just stand there. That’s right, just hang there by yourself. Casually look around without drawing any attention than normal to yourself – you will notice that NO ONE notices you. No one!!
The concerns you have about “what will they think of me” are unfounded. Of course these are very similar feeling to those we get when we make excuses for approaching in any situation, alone or not. Those feelings go along the lines of “what will these girls think of me asking their opinion on something” or “will they blow me out”. Its funny how after sarging alone, these excuses just don’t materialise at all.
It is in this way, amongst others, that can help improve your game.
AA Relapses
We all get it from time to time. I still find that sometimes I hesitate with sets now. It fluctuates, particularly if you have had a break from sarging – it takes some time to get back into the groove again.
When I was stuck with approaching alone early on, I actually rang my pivot, told her what I was doing and how I was shitting myself. I told her that I was intent on breaking the dry spell and that I was going to open alone no matter what. This had the effect of an expectation from someone else that I had to do it – there was no way I was going to disappoint someone else and end up looking like a fuckin pussy.
The result – the dry spell was broken. So if you find yourself chickening out of approaching alone, tell someone you are going to do it – even post of the boards what you are going to do, and tell us you going to report back to us on how you went.
Practice – if you don’t practice or sarge regularly your game will lapse – you need to keep it up. My ups and downs are closely related to my levels of sarging.
Methods of approaching & overcoming the initial uncomfortableness
You can use most openers when sarging alone. Here are some tips for beginners starting out, and a lot of the things mentioned in this section parallel normal pickup.
I’m still a big fan of opinion openers, however as my game progresses I tend to mix it in with more situational openers, then stack.
You can use the opinion opener with the frame / look on your face of “oh, ill just ask them” and then launch into “hey guys, how bout a real quick opinion on something before I go”. Note the FTC built into the opener. It fits well with the fact that I’m just walking past, and is anchored particularly well in open set bars that aren’t packed full of people – in these sorts of environments, its not so packed that people cant see who is coming in and out of this place – the reason I mention this situation is that it is regularly the case in a lot of venues during the week; and I have done a lot of solo sarging during the week.
I’ve also just tested the “walk straight up and ask them” approach. I’m in the frame of “fuck it, I don’t care what anyone thinks” – I get an especially big kick at doing this if there are a nearby group of guys eyeing of a group of girls and I just stroll past them and open the chicks – you can “feel” their eyes on you and the “WTF” expressions. Great feeling, especially for the ego.
If you like, and you have concerns about being congruent when being there by yourself, it’s easy to use your phone if it make you more comfortable or fits the situation. For example, you can look at your phone if reading a text message and have a quizzical look on your face – it’s just something that you have to get an opinion on!! You can even send a fake message to yourself so you get the added “beep” effect of a message effect, if you’re one for the authentic experience!! You can even pretend that you’re talking on your phone – remember to have it on silent (you don’t want it to ring while you’re supposedly talking on it!!) – You talk about a topic that conveniently is the same as the opener you are about to use.
I've used a walk to the bar / toilet to do a discreet scan of the place – its best not to waste too much time doing this.
The more you think about people looking at you, the more likely you will not approach that night – so stop worrying about it.
Sometimes I get a drink, but most of the time I just get a diet coke.
The last thing worth mentioning is that, if you still find it hard to get over the hurdle of being there by yourself, one thing that helped me earlier on was outlining out in my head (or on paper) a map of the place that I am sarging alone – what this does is show all the possible locations that sets may be so that you have a contingency for what to do for every possible location. Why do this? Well, when you’re with a group or a wing, you can more easily move through the venue and stop and start in different places. When you first enter a bar by yourself you need to open quickly, so it helps to have a prior knowledge of the where all possible sets may be - you’re prepared.
A problem with sarging alone - 2 Sets
Of course the obvious problem with sarging alone is isolating, particularly 2 sets. When you’re with your wing, he adds another person to the set and it’s easier to steal your target away from the group. We all know by now that the obstacle in a 2 set does not want to be left alone and the target doesn’t want to leave her friend by herself.
My game is not at the level where I can consistently merge forward, so I generally run 2 sets as long as I can just for the practice and see where it goes. It’s really good just to throw some new shit out there and see what the reaction is.
Large sets are good
One thing I have noticed is difficulty in sets over say 5 or 6 people. Perhaps its self limiting belief relating to where my game is at the moment. What I have found that the massive groups require a lot of control to keep all of them interested and they fracture into splinter groups more easily. Your energy level has to be even higher for larger groups, particularly with no wing. Often you wing can come in and help break up the group to enable you to isolate. In the big sets you have to be sure you have the whole group attracted until its time to work on your target.
As in normal game, mixed sets are your friends. Open the guys, always. Then the whole set opens easily.
The question: Why are you here by yourself?
You know what, the question of why I am there by myself RARELY has come up – it is so rare that it’s really not worth worrying about it. Of course, a lot of the time it’s the confidence that you have something to say in any given situation – I’ve found the best line is “I was out with my friends and they went home, so I decided to make some new friends – guess what!! …..you’re my new friends” (a high five or a hug is good here). Remember of course you don’t even have to answer them, you can just stack into something else. You can always talk about it in comfort too.
Don’t even bother opening with something like “I’m just waiting for my friends” or anything like that – in my opinion, there’s no need to lie about your friends coming later.
I’ve actually found that at times I’ve WANTED to tell them why I was alone, my own type of qualifying, which of course is bad. I stopped doing this and found that it doesn’t get raised.
It can be looked at as a DHV, as someone who has the confidence to go out and meet total strangers by themselves.
Compliment Your Game
Compliment it with your sarging with mates. You will notice that being alone will add another dimension your overall game – and that’s what this game is all about – experiencing different environments and gaining the social intelligence for any situation.
Train yourself to get into a habit, whenever you can squeeze in a lone sarge.
Where to from here? My next aim for sarging alone: improving forward merging of sets so that I can walk into a bar of strangers and end up owning the place. My current style is more of “under the radar” style, rather than the “look at me” style.
Anyway, I’m sick of typing, I hope this helped some people out there.
So if haven’t tried sarging along, try it! What are you waiting for?
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Sarging Alone....and why you should try it 
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