Finding Out Your Own unique Identity

[Malandro]

This should be of value to most of you in trying to find your identity and conveying it in your routines. It has taken me years to find out who I am, what is it that i want to do in life, and why I do the things I do. These are things that I have asked myself over and over to find out my purpose in life. This stems from the basic annihilation method that Style uses to "annihilate" all fears. It makes sense. Once you know who you are and why, you can suck people into your reality.
Who am I? I dont care for neither material wealth or a stable job. What identifies me as a person? Nothing. It doesnt make sense, right? That is my identity. I have no identity. I was born in Honduras, but my thoughts are American mixed in with a philosophy of the Orientals. Because of my travels I have never been able to identify with one culture in specific. Ive always had to assimilate the cultures around me to make friends.
Imagine moving out of your home every 2-4yrs and saying bye to your friends. Imagine keeping those same habits in your new home. You would eventually start to hate the new place and everyone around it. You would start saying that that new place is totally backwards and the only right way is at your former home. Thats called culture shock. If I would have kept my old habits, I wouldve never made any friends.
But then the question arises. Who am I? Where am I from? I say Im Honduran, but when I go to Honduras Im a Gringo. Where did I just come from? I just came from Puerto Rico. So youre puertorican? they ask. No, I say. But my upbringing is puertorican since my stepfather is puertorican. So your Hondurican? I guess you can say that, even though I prefer burgers to enchiladas, my English is way better than my Spanish, I prefer Oriental philosphy to Judeo-Christian philosophy, and I prefer afro-latino culture to my own Spanish-Indian culture.
When people ask me where Im from, I reply, "Born in Honduras, raised in the States, adopted by Puerto Rico with the heart of an African."
So you see, Ive had an identity crisis all my life - up until I started venturing on my own. Eventually I just started adopting things that I liked from each culture that I was exposed to either personally or by the media.
I started asking myself questions. Three of the questions are in Style's basic annihilation method. Ive always been able to attract people to me. Ive always sucked people into my reality of having an adventurous, free-spirited outlook. But i had a hard time taking the the final step with women because of my social conditions. Thats why Style's method makes sense to me. After I found out who I was, it was like all my fears went away and I could conquer anything.
I mean really, I went into the Marines very small at 120lbs and became one of the best Marines. Some of these questions come from my experiences in the Marine Corps and I applied it to the NM. I still get anxiety approach but I push myself knowing that this fear is only temporary and will go away as soon as I open a set. Once you know who you really are, then you start to understand why you do the things you do.
So in the end, who am I? I am a dreamer looking for adventures. I am the stranger in a new and interesting land, who is only for a visit, but making it my temporary home. I fly through this world like the wind of the seas, leaving my traces to all who accept it. My gift to the world are my dreams, my free-spirit, and my charisma. And as I write this, my newest identity is now the lover who all women wish they had, whispering sweet nothings into their ears, and creating sensations and emotions inside of them until they wet their panties. This is my identity. This is my frame of mind. This is how I walk the earth.
That explains my attraction towards the Marine Corps. That explains my assimilation of many cultures. That explains my outlook on life. And that explains what i believe to be is my purpose on life. The superficial things, like being a photographer and dreaming of owning a yacht, are only the vehicles that will lead me to self-fulfillment and content.
The seduction community helped me tremendously in my time of depression, after my separation from my wife. It helped create this new and improved identity. I had in the past limited my options with women because of my social conditions and low self-esteem. And now I have a variety of options. Im not even in a rush to fclose, since I want to give more power to my new identity by taking in new information, applying it, and learning from my mistakes. This new knowledge I have gained has helped me find out who I am I and where I stand as far as female companionship is concerned.
So with out further ado, here are the questions I have asked myself to find out who I am, annihilate all fears, conquer "impossible obstacles" and to give me the will-power to keep going in life no matter what it takes. Once you know who you are it will be easier to convey your personality and suck people into your world whatever it is.
1. (From Style) Who are you? What do you do in your daily life? How do you do it? When do you do it? And why do you do it?
2. What are your present roles in life?
3. What do you see yourself doing that makes you happy, right before you die?
4. What are your most interesting qualities that you can give people as gifts?
5. What would you change about yourself now and how would you change?
6. What have you accomplished in this life that has been important to you?
7. What are your dreams and aspirations in life? How would you accomplish them?
8. What do you believe is your sole purpose in life?
9. How do you see yourself, how do you think others percieve you, how would you like to see yourself, and how would you like people to percive you? (Run the cube on yourself:P)
10. Who are the people that have influenced your life, positively or negatively?
11. Who do you admire most in your life that you would want to emulate?
12. What are your core beliefs and values? What is sacred to you? How do you deal with people when those values are attacked?
13. What are your greatest fears? Do you confront them or hide from them. (you should do everything in your power to confront them)
14. What is the most interesting thing or crazy thing that you have done?
15. What are your strengths and how do you improve them?
16. What are your weaknesses and how do you cope with them?
17. What does happiness mean for you?
18. What is your philosophy on life?
With these questions, maybe the answer to everyones worries about the community being exposed and not being able to run canned routines will be diminished. this will help in conveying your personality. When I first started I would use the Jealous GF and who lies more. But its not me. What the |||| do I care about who lies more? We all lie anyways. Now, I start my opinion openers by offering insight into my adventurous, traveling personality. And I suck them into my reality with my travel stories and anecdotes i have acquired during my stays in different parts of the world.
I hope that helps and I hope it wasnt too confusing for people. Maybe you guys can add to these too.

[Malandro]

Thanks for the comments. A friend of mine once told me, "Whats a man without principles? A man has to know his limits sometimes. If I let go of one principle, I might as well let go of the others. And I'm not about to let go of any of them for anyone or anything.
Its good to know who you are and why. I center my life around my kid, my studies, and my future. In order to balance everything out, I have to know my own principles.
And dont worry about if you cant answer all of them right away. Itll take some time and alot inner thinking to find out the answers. And once you do, youll be able to sail through this world with ease and alot of will-power. Youll be able to screen out whats good for you in life and whats not.
One of my philosophies in life is - You do what you do. I do what I do. Just dont ever let what you do affect what I do, or there will be consequences - I started with this because in my late teens my friends tried to pressure me in to doing drugs. I didnt want to. Its not me. I never needed it, nor will I ever need it. And you know what? They respected me for it.
Even now that Im older and a freshman in college, my friends - who are also freshmen, but straight out of highschool - tell me I should do ecstasy and what not with them. I tell them, Im passed that. I dont need it. You do what you do. I do what I do. Just dont let your shit affect my shit, and we'll be cool. Theyre still my best friends here.

[Malandro]

Tell me about it. Thats why in C1, I go directly into telling stories of my kid and showing them his picture. I gauge their reactions and if its not good then I excuse myself.
I learned that from a girl I kissed closed in Day2, when I first started sarging. In Day1, she immediately told me about her daughter. Later in Day2, as we were talking about relationships, she told me how she tests guys by telling them about her daughter. She then said she didnt do it to me to test me (but she actually did of course).
Divorced guys and single fathers are always worried that it will hinder their pickup. But it doesnt. If anything it creates greater value to you, because you have the experience. It helps you screen out girls and people that you dont want in life. Why would I want to be with people who dont accept my kid? My kid is part of who I am. hes my priority in life. Hes the reason I keep going in life. Besides only an ogre can resist the face of a beautiful baby.
After i tell them about my kid, eventually, the question arises about the mother. Sometimes I tell them we're divorced, sometimes I dont. If they ask me why I divorced, I tell them that her culture and my culture are totally different. Shes Japanese and Im latino. Love blinds at first and then reality hits you. Besides divorce is in fashion, nowadays. Its the new pink.
A great girl will find comfort and safety when you tell them that you and your ex-wife worked the child custody peacefully and that youre a great father who sees his kid on a regular basis.
Thats all they need to know as far as my divorce is concerned. Nothing negative. Just something that happens in life. But whats a killer is that my answer leaves unanswered questions. They get intrigued by the fact that she's Japanese. How did I meet her? What was I doing in Japan? What was Japan like?etc...

[Ryan]

I agree! When you ask someone what they are they say they are a builder, or a businessman, or a baker, or a bouncer. They just list their jobs. Or they say they are British, Brazilian, Bangladeshian, or Bosnian. They just list where they are from. No-one has a real idendity of who they REALLY are - we are often far too quick to accept a label society places on us. This is a very limiting behaviour as it means we limit ourselves from acting ourside of that label.
It's strange that in an era of political correctness - where you cannot or should not define someone by their gender, ethnicity, or sexuality...that people define themselves in such ways. (Or at least in ways similar.)
I simply say that I am Q. And then I tell people what I do. For my actions are not me. And then I tell people what I live for. For I believe my aspirations are me. Or at least, my aspirations and passions reflect the me I want to become.
I mean as an example: too many people are using magic in game as a DHV. This works for mystery as he is a magician. I am not, so I will not use magic in a set. The whole basis of an opinion opener came from LA - where a lot of people are very opinionated. That is not me - I will use situational openers. Fate has brought these people into my proximity, so there will be a way to open them naturally.
I nominate this post for best of purely because it's insightful enough to get me ranting

[HITCH]

Originally Posted by Q-Pid

I agree! When you ask someone what they are they say they are a builder, or a businessman, or a baker, or a bouncer. They just list their jobs. Or they say they are British, Brazilian, Bangladeshian, or Bosnian. They just list where they are from. No-one has a real idendity of who they REALLY are - we are often far too quick to accept a label society places on us. This is a very limiting behaviour as it means we limit ourselves from acting ourside of that label.
It's strange that in an era of political correctness - where you cannot or should not define someone by their gender, ethnicity, or sexuality...that people define themselves in such ways. (Or at least in ways similar.)
I simply say that I am Q. And then I tell people what I do. For my actions are not me. And then I tell people what I live for. For I believe my aspirations are me. Or at least, my aspirations and passions reflect the me I want to become.
I mean as an example: too many people are using magic in game as a DHV. This works for mystery as he is a magician. I am not, so I will not use magic in a set. The whole basis of an opinion opener came from LA - where a lot of people are very opinionated. That is not me - I will use situational openers. Fate has brought these people into my proximity, so there will be a way to open them naturally.
I nominate this post for best of purely because it's insightful enough to get me ranting

I agree, since I did not learn how to talk to women from any PUA material I don't belive in canned openers.
Not that they are bad(because they are helpful) but I've worked in a retail clothing store when I was younger. It sold women and men's clothes so I had to learn to approach women with something other than "can I help you"?
My jobs as a waiter and bartender also helped me be more comfortable with talking to people(I had no choice).
I've always been social and charismatic. I am lucky in the way that I have an ability to make people like me right away.
I think it is important for any aspiring PUA to work in an enviornment where you have to interact with different people on a daily basis.
Okay, it may not be nessesary but I know it will help.

[El_Burro]

...require solid answers for solid inner game.
A great gauge I learned for what someone is really all about is: how do they treat people who are of no possible benefit to them? You might be surprised how some of your family/friends--or even you---do on this test. How do you treat UGs? How do you treat AFCs at the club/gym/walking down the street?
Thus brayeth the burro.

[kosta]

...thats a really deep message u put up...i was trying to get at something lialong those lines...when i wrote a message about unique selling point...but u covered it in LOADZ more detail...and u went a little deeper 2...n I totally feel the same way...im half greek...when im in england im the greek kid...when im in greece im the english kid lol i cant win...and i moved about TONS 2...lol well ty u all 4 letting me right down my totally rad life story, cu dudes n have fun

[Claudius]

I've always wondered what would happen if a girl asked:
"Who are you?"
And I responded:
"I AM"
Never really tried it, will do the next time a girl asks. Even when I do say it, I doubt they will get it.

[CAFFEINE]

Malandro,
Excellent post. As soon as I'm done typing this I'm writing all the questions down and answering them.
I identify a lot with you and kosta, for I was born and raised in Colombia, moved to Texas when I was 18, then joined the Army at 20 years of age and lived in Germany for 2 years, and now back in the US I live in North Carolina. (And I don't think it'll stop there, because chances are that I will be moving to different states until I find one that I truly like, aside that, I love traveling)
I am experienced at dealing with culture shock, or should I say, I don't even experience culture shock anymore, you said it well, if you keep only your old habits, you don't get new friends.
I am starting to learn how to use this to my advantage when interacting with women (and I usually use it in my interactions with men as well). I am usually asked where am I from because of my accent, I either say, playfuly "Make a guess" "where do I look I'm from" or I just straight say "I'm Chinese" and wait about a second to see their reaction, then give them a sly smile, and THEN I tell them where I am from. Although maybe I should not tell them at all, but the times I haven't done so, the interaction has gone sour somehow. I need to learn how to use this for maximum benefit.

[LIBERTARIAN]

i like this. It's well written, methodical and actually makes sence. It deserves to be here, deffinatley.
Some of the questions i cannot awnser, maybe i have not experianced the ones i cannot awnser. Maybe i have, but they havnt made that much of an impact on my life for me to factually notice them. Im still only 19, maturity, however mature i think i am, years will only enable me to grow. I'm going to save the questions i cannot awnser yet onto my laptop and read them next year. I'll probably be able to check a few off, if not ill try again the folowing year
I can sort of relate to your upbringing.
My fathers british, my mothers phillipino. They met while she was studying nursing in saudi arabia.
I was born in Oman, Muscat. I didnt stay there long enough to really remember it.
From there we moved to Damascus, Syria. This is a very cultural part of the world, i went to a private international school, and made many friends. American, arabic, indian, african...this helped me in later life, like now, to be able to communicate on a cultural level with a multitude of nationalities.
From Damascus, we moved to England. Initially London. I was 14, this was difficult, alot less open minded people than i used to know, my views were different to other peoples. I learnt to fight. I made friends, but they didnt pay in comparasin to the friends i used to know.
We moved to Oxford in england after a year. I Went to school there, it was better, i made good friends, i was introudcued to girls. I thank my beautiful mother for my good looks, my yearly tan, my father for my charisma and charm. My travels, for my ability to comunicate with many different people on thier levels. My understanding of peoples differnt cultures and thier ways. MM tied in with the above attributes is starting to form something inside me that i believe is called 'congruence' As i sarge, the need for canned openers is going further away. Im still a little bit 'all over the place' so to speak, but these question you've posted are going to help em alot.
Religious education was an intesting subject of mine, when we studied differnt peoples religions, cultures, languages, i felt i could relate to alot of them due to my traveling in earlier years.
I'v recently moved to the UAE, Dubai to be exact, im working here...Im making alot of money, im happy, but im hinderd by my age in certain aspects. I want to be older and i dont. Im alot more mature now than my friends back home, the gaps between us are apparent when i speak to them on the phone. I suppose you learn to know who your best friends are when there not around. Im in a void thats stopping me from growing up too fast on account that i still want my old pals. I speak to some of my old pals i could relate to really well back in oxford...and all of a sudden...i cannot. After 9 months here, iv grown inside, further away from what i was like back in the UK. I feel in limbo about who i am...an adult or a child still?
Memories have already been formed, Iv had good times, iv met good people and im adding to the list of materialistic items that make life away from my friends and family in the UK a little bit easier. A nice car, a nice flat, pool on the roof, gym on the top floor. Im earning it slowly.
Maturity is a majour concern of mine. Im not immature, but iv not experianced 'age cultural differences' in my life. Iv always made friends no mroe than 5 years older than me. Im now doing business with people 30+ years on me. Only experiance and years will help me fine tune myself to these differnt encounters. Likewise with maturity.
Its difficult so say where i am from and what i do...
you'll have to bear with me here....
Im british/jewish from my dads side, im philipino/italian from my mums side. I was brought up in the middle east, im living here now too. I was prodominatly educated in oxford...My awnser to people asking...'where are you from?' 'are you asking me what passport i own? Or are you asking me where i get my looks from?'
What do you do? Technically I'm a HVAC (high voltage air cond) Engineer. I also spend half my time in an office owned by my farther, myself and a business partner. Weve been operating since i got here 9 months ago, profits and margins ensure a healthy business account. So im also a mangaing partner...What do i say when people ask me what i do...'I do what i want, but i enjoy doing it.'
The best thing about these questions you've posted, is there helpful to getting to know the actual you. Something i need to do! At the moment i feel like a multitude of people, and from a international monoply board of places.
The post was helpful, i can relate to your intial post, with regards to growing up in a multinational community. Learning peoples differernt cultures, languages and traditons has helped me alot more than my compulsary education. But it has also confused me deep down about who i am. I know your post will help me with my inner game...thanks.
LIBERTARIAN