So my month long summer tour has finally came to an end after spending 25 days gaming in Texas, the east coast of Canada, and finally Montreal this past weekend. What have I got to show for it? Well besides a nearly pickled liver I did manage to bed 8 different girls over the course of the trip, a new 3 week high muahaha. Well, its less impressive once I tell you that 6 of those lays happened in the east coast of Canada where im pretty much a celeb, but I digress…
LR: How to fuck a girl in 30 seconds
Anyways, the lay for which I’m writing this report happened this past weekend in Montreal. It was the Thursday night before the BC and Tenmagnet, Salem, Levo and I all decided to go out to meet some of Canada’s finest.
By around 1am I had opened about 5 different sets and was having a hard time getting sexual attraction from them. I had gotten 1 #close from a hot editor for a fashion magazine but I wanted sex that night and it wasn’t really on (Or I was just too frustrated to notice). Having 4 sets in a row that are not sexually interested in me after 5mins + of game is incredibly rare for me and it started to get me pissed.
Having learned from my AFC days, I knew that the problem wasn’t my game per se, but the negative energy I was bringing into set from being frustrated. This is the same shit that eats away at you and makes you want to leave the bar early to go home or get really drunk. I knew that I would have a shitty time if I didn’t get rid of it, and the easiest way to get rid of it was to get some positive female attention so…
Since we were at a very loud venue and I have bad hearing I had to switch to my experimental “dance floor game”. My dance floor game isn’t really game it all, its just a look really, but a carefully constructed look! I mostly just think what Jack Nicholson would look like after smoking a huge joint and walk around like that. Surprisingly, it almost always works for me, I always get an ass grab or fuck me eyes from SOMEONE. Now, you have to understand that I look like a huge sleaze ball, I doubt any of the other instructors look as much like an evil womanizing asshole as I do, I relish in it. I have a porn star moustache, slicked back messy hair, exposed chest, big shiny cowboy belt buckle along with a cocked eyebrow and a shit eating grin that says “If I get you alone, there will be trouble”. I look like the bad guy in a modern Hollywood western movie. You would think most girls would avoid me like the plague, but for some reason when I start walking around like a blazed Jackie N looking the way I do, women just get wet.
So after some bump n grind with some hot frenchies on the dance floor my negative energy has all but disappeared and I’m back riding on my natural high again. Tenmagnet and Levo find me and tell me they’re leaving for a better venue, I agree and we go down the stairs towards the exit. As I’m walking down, a group of girls come in and one of them looks at me in a way that says “Who the fuck is THIS guy?”, since I can now hear, I open her and start heavy kino immediately.
Cajun: You know you can’t look at me like that unless you plan on talking to me.
HB: Oh my English is not so good.
Cajun: Oh that’s ok we’ll talk…slowly…
I do a quick 15 second kino escalation from shoulder touch to lower arm to rib to lower back as I’m talking. She responds by putting her arms around my neck on the last move.
Cajun: Listen, I’m leaving, right now actually. But we should remember this moment…
I smirk at her in a way that says “I know you want to kiss me” We start making out a bit.
Cajun: I’m really leaving right now, but your fun, come party with me.
HB: Uhhh I really want to, but my friends are here, I give you my number and you call me back later tonight, yes?
Cajun: Alright, put it in (give her phone)
HB: You will call me yes?
Cajun: Uh huh (smirk).
HB: I bet you’re not going to!
Cajun: See you tonight (wink)
(Acting cryptic about whether or not I will actually call her makes her think about me all night)
Tenmagnet and Levo already left in a cab for Tokyo bar so I decide to walk around and meet people. I end up walking these 2 native girls home, 1 HOT, 1 GROSS. After convincing them I am also part native from the Mic-Mac tribe and that I speak fluent native (I just made up words that sounded like what I heard on a TV commercial…) they invite me into their house. Realizing that the HB from earlier was hotter and that the last time I fucked a native girl she had REALLY gross wrinkly boobs despite being really hot, I realize I need to make an EXECUTIVE DECISION and tell them that I need to make a call first. I call the HB from earlier to see if she can abandon her friends now and she tells me she is coming to my hotel and for me to meet her out front in 10 minutes!
Without even saying goodbye to the natives I run back to the hotel (10 blocks away). The HB ends up getting lost and I had to go pick her up in a cab (Levo, that’s why you saw me make a mad dash out of the hotel into a cab at 3am.) I bring her back to my hotel room (with her pretty much wrapped around me at this point) to find Tenmagnet with his pull. We both laugh in a way that says “our lives rule” I laugh in an additional way that says “My girl is retarded” mostly because im still mad that she couldn’t figure out how to use a cab but also because her English is so bad she may as well be.
Tenmagnet nonchalantly brings his girl to the “bigger room” and I proceed to fuck my HB all night, as in literally…French girls are fucked…some crazy shit happened…but I wont get into it…
What are the lessons here? Well for one, even the pros get some shitty nights every once in a while, it happens to the best of us, but it’s never too late to turn it all around (the more you know!). You never know when that next set is going to be the one that you make out with in less than 10 seconds and fuck all night in a hotel room after only conversing for 30 seconds. So remember to act like the pros: keep you’re A game up and learn from your mistakes!
I also learned a personal lesson to have more respect for housekeeping.
That's how to fuck a girl in 30 seconds.