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FR: 19th birthday at the club
I wrote this FR about a week ago the day after the night out. I'm posting it now as I just got back from vacation and finally got the chance. This is my first FR basically and I'm looking for feedback/criticism, any pointers to help me improve.
I'm going to the club tonight for my 19th, with 5 other guy friends. This will only be my second time at the club (last time was an all ages night), where I live the age requirement is 19. I already know what to expect, I remember a quote someone on the forum once said about the club "you either sink or you swim" and I could not agree more.
Last time, I had severe AA upon getting there despite having a buzz. I remember going to the washroom several times to try to re-focus and to have something to do besides standing around with my buddy. Eventually, I got myself to go for a dance, but my BL was off and I lacked confidence. I got denied a few times before I did get a dance. We danced for maybe a half hour but I failed to make a move. That was the only dance I had that night. One thing I learned this night I will never forget was standing at/near the dance floor checking out the girls, like a predator. Girls WILL notice and automatically label you as creepy. I feel that part of the reason I got denied dances was because of this. At one point, I had the girl's friends 'rescue' her from me. Never again..
Anyways, onto the actual FR. The night of my 19th. As soon as we got there, we got drinks to keep the buzz going and we hung out in the patio. The club was still rather empty at this point, it was 11pm. After 10 minutes of just standing there, sipping on my beer and just feeling totally lame, I decided I had to do something, anything. We were just standing around in a circle 6 guys and it was bothering me. It was all up to me to make this a good night. I decided to try and build some social momentum. I went up to a group of girls and asked for the time. Did that to about three different groups, one of them even told me to carry my phone with my lol. I didn't care, they were helping me get into that social groove.
I ran into this one random dude at the patio and asked what's up. Started talking to him and he asked me what's good for tonight and I said it was my birthday so I'm here to have the best night possible. He introduced me to his friends a small mixed group. As I was talking, somehow through hand gestures I knocked the beer out of one of the dude's hands and it feel and shattered. Fuck! I wasn't even that drunk and I somehow found a way to do that. Whatever I thought, I apologized and said it was on me before he had a chance to say something. Got him another drink, then I took off and went inside, see ya around..
I go inside, club is suddenly a lot more packed. I liked it, people were actually dancing now. It must have been around 1130, I was with one of my buddies who was telling me constantly to approach (hes the only one of us who I talk to about game). He told me to approach first that he will approach her friend for a dance. I said fuck you, you approach, he said no, so I wanted to mess around with him so I went to the nearest girl, she was a cute brunette and I tell her my friend wants to dance with her but hes too shy too ask with a 'we're just having fun' smile on my face. She says "what if I want to dance with you instead?" Wtf. I said something along the lines of "he's a great dancer..." She replies " I don't care, I want to dance with you."
So I thought ok if he really wants a dance he will ask her friend while I dance with this girl who clearly gave me an IOI. He didn't lol. I enjoyed the short dance I had with her, we were interrupted by her friends who needed to go to the washroom before I had a chance to escalate, she told me to find her later.
I felt good after that, so it didn't take long for me to approach again. This time it was a stunning blonde, one of the hottest girls I had seen so far. I approach her and tell her what came to mind.. "Your too adorable not to be dancing with a guy right now.." I said this confidently to her ear, loud enough so she didn't have to say "..WHAT!?" and with great body language. She smiled and I said "Let's dance!" We start grinding and shes facing away from me. I try to escalate quickly and within a minute I'm running my hands down her thighs, sides of her torso and her arms. I spin her around to face me. We dance face to face, and I tell her "I'm finding it really hard not to kiss you right now" looking straight at her eyes and not looking away. She laughs/smiles and says something I don't remember. So I go in slowly and she meet me for my first ever kiss close (wooo!). It was really short maybe 5 seconds and I think she ended it. Shortly after her friend had to do something so she left and told me to find her later.
I was almost high on confidence at this point, I tell my buddy what happened and we laugh it off. I tell him to approach but he' still hesitant. I wander off and get 2 or 3 more dances, one which was just lame and she wasn't feeling it and ended it, another said after a bit she just wanted to dance with her friends. Whatever. I found that oftentimes I'd get a response like "I just want to dance/hang with my friends", I'd persist and say "let's dance for 2 minutes and if you still don't want to dance we can stop", It worked half the time. I need a better response.
I see a long time female friend I haven't seen in a while by coincidence. She gives me a big hug and I take her outside and we catch up quickly. She buys me a shot for her birthday, but not for herself so I said wtf and got her one. I plan to never get shots for girls at clubs except for the rare exception and I thought this was one. I tell her we should dance and she says yes and grabs my hand and leads me to the dance floor. We dance for a bit and then we go back to my friends and hers. Hang our for a couple minutes and then I walk off looking to approach again.
I go by the patio and I see the blonde from before leaning against the wall texting, alone. I open her again, tease her on being be herself. I try to build some comfort and ask her where she studies and it turns out we both go to the same university. What are the odds. We start talking about how each of our first years were (we are both the same year) and we get into common topics. My buddy starts talking to her friend and I don't know what they are talking about but it seems they are getting along well. The blonde asks me for my number saying we should hang out sometime, I agree and get her to text me on the spot so I get her on my phone. The group ran out of conversation after about 10 minutes, the two girls said they are gonna sit down we can come if we want, I said I'll see them around and I go back in.
Now here's where things get more interesting. I go near the bar and I see this cute brunette. I approach with my direct adorable you should dance with me opener and she replies with "can you buy me a shot!?"... Wtf? "No." She says "I'll only dance with you if you buy me a shot." I said something back along the lines of I'm not buying you a drink and you should be dancing with me it will be fun. I start to dance with her slowly and she still brings the shot up, out of nowhere though some chump bought her and her friend a shot, so I say "there's your shot, time to dance!" She says her and her friend need to go to the washroom for me to wait for her she will be right back. "Ok." I wait as my buddy pulls up and we lean with our back to the bar and chat. She comes back in a couple minutes and grabs my hand and leads me to the dance floor. Just before we start dancing she tells me I'm the first guy she's come back for. I escalate quickly and spin her so she's facing me, and I go autopilot. I back my head up so I can look her in the eyes face to face and move in for the kiss. She complies. This time it was longer. She ends it and we keep dancing I keep escalating the grind and we make out repeatedly for the whole time we danced. I remember thinking how easy it became. I tried to take things further with the kino and moved my hands everywhere and told her "if your having fun with me now you should see how much fun you'd have with me in the bedroom" to which she denied and said its not happening "I'm not that kind of girl." I know this isn't a no more like she's not ready yet perhaps in terms of comfort but logistics tonight made it close to impossible so I had no expectations, I decided to just enjoy the moments. Before I left she asked for my number and I got hers and I had a small chat with her outside before I left, one of the guys had drank too much and been kicked out so it was time to go. I kissed her goodbye, and left.
And that was how the night ended. I messaged the two girls and told them it was great to have met them tonight and hope they had fun. I got replies from both of them , but unfortunately have not gone anywhere. I am satisfied with the progress I made tonight though, and that is what I am reflecting on.
What I found Interesting tonight:
- Girls saying how they saw me with other girls; blonde mentioned to me I must be having a great night she saw me dancing with 3 other girls
- Big DHV I believe when girls lead you to the dance floor
- Social momentum is money. You have to be in your best social mood.
- Don't try to talk too much, but if you do, do it LOUD. Let your body language and directness do the work.
- Direct works, but be ready to be shit tested for congruency.
One thing that bothered me tonight is that I feel that a large part of my nights success is attributed to alcohol. I'm not sure if I could have been as direct without it. The AA would have been greater. I didn't get too drunk though, I held conversations well, although I did have a tough time remembering names..
But then again, alcohol never causes you to do something you didn't want to. It causes you to do things you desire but your supress. So I can at least smile thinking that the numerous IOI's I received tonight are legit.
Thanks for the read.. Tell me what ya think!
This is a good field report, man. Definitely upping your game.
I'd like to make some critiques, though:
This is good, but you don't want to pressure the girls into dancing with you. The mindset that you're projecting when you say, "if you still don't want to dance we can stop" is basically making her into the prize for that situation. This is the thing: I know it's your first REAL time in night game and things are hard, but let me remind you that attractive women are attracted to dominant men - guys that know the direction they want to step in, don't hesitate, and genuinely believe that there's no larger prize than themselves in ANY scenario. It doesn't matter that you had some alchohol in you, but the mere fact that you're going out of your amazingly-awesome way of life to dance with this girl screams neediness. Not to mention that you were willing to lose some self-respect to get her to stay. It's sort of like relationships - when she decides to walk away (go with her friends, bathroom, meet other people) you need to let her walk away. Don't chase, replace. When you get better at making social proof, girls will start to approach YOU and then you'll have a wide array of options to chose from. Not just one girl that you're desperately trying to get to stay.
I found that oftentimes I'd get a response like "I just want to dance/hang with my friends", I'd persist and say "let's dance for 2 minutes and if you still don't want to dance we can stop", It worked half the time. I need a better response.
On another note, I want to take a look at this:
The bolded statement isn't outgoing. Actually, it's creepy. You're trying to over-escalate WAY too fast and, therefore, forcing her to pull away from you. Sexual escalation is a VERY SLOW process. It doesn't happen on the dance floor when you're just making out and lightly escalating. It happens later in the night, when you've gotten her back to your place (or the other way around) and can successfully treat her to sex with you by slowly escalating the process, making her want it more and more. Sexual escalation is a HUGE topic on these boards, that's why it's so important to remember not to rush anything. Women don't want to just give away sex (reward) to any random guy they just met on the dance floor. They want to have sex without feeling like a slut for doing it.
I remember thinking how easy it became. I tried to take things further with the kino
and moved my hands everywhere and told her "if your having fun with me now you should see how much fun you'd have with me in the bedroom"
to which she denied and said its not happening "I'm not that kind of girl."
(Source: So we got back to her/my place, now what?)
Overall the progress you had was pretty good. The only other suggestions I have would be to use less alchohol, concentrate on certain sticking points (write them down and PERSONALLY work on getting them in tip-top shape), and using value as an attractive trait. Also self-respect.
"The mind only acts as an enemy for those who do not control it."
You only lose what you cling to. -Buddha
Here's how I see it:
Men act, women react. Don't take the woman's role.
Wow, that was some helpful insight.
I had a feeling that trying to convince the girls to dance was lowering my value, at the time I didn't care, but I will keep this in mind for next time.
And that second point makes so much sense now. I thought it was all just a part of escalating, but now I realize it was WAY too fast, and I see how it creeped her out. I remember after that she did pull away for a bit and I lost some attraction. It's all a learning experience though, I understand that.
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