So like most guys on here I have decided I need to change my life so that I may become more successful with women. Since I am brand new to this world I figured I need to write this stuff down as my memory sucks.
Becoming A Burning Soul, By Taking a Different Path - Journal
My Goals For Now
I say for now because those goals will change with time. Anyway my goals are very simple. I am going to make sure I am going out to socialize at least once a week. During this time I am planning on talking to at least three women. Well I want there to be three. However, if I only talk to one and I talk to her for a good chunk of the night I will be ok. Anyway I want to talk to at least three. I have no real objective other than to improve my skills. Of course I will always hope that sex will occur. I am always hopeful of a date as well. However, at the current moment in time I am planning on practicing. My goal is to actually like by a motto, when it comes to women. That motto is I don't get lucky I get laid.
That is the gist of what I want to do. For those of you who are bored. Here is a history of my choice to walk down this path... because I am bored and like to write this stuff down.
Thinking back on things, it is kind of funny. I was not always like this. As a way of rebelling against my father. I convinced myself that I had no need for women. My father encouraged the life of a "player". Which is a nice way to say "Date Rapist". My father tried to train me, at age 12, to have a high booze tolerance. Because I need to be more lucid than the girl. Really this was my life from age 12 to 21. I got a kick out of the look of disappointment on his face whenever I would laugh at him when I did not have a date or a female in my life. So what changed, is the question?
To be honest I am not sure what changed in me initially. During college I became severely depressed and suicidal. A lack of emotional intimacy, as I put. I had no friends during college. So I slowly spiraled out of control. I ended up on a suicide support forum. Where I met my ummm.. shall we say ex. After several months of associating with her. I graduated college, and we finally met. I did not know what to do. In the end we ended up having sex. Thus started our relationship. For three years I was with her. It was one of those complex denial situations. I clung to the idea that she was just FWB. However, that is what my mouth said not my actions. In the end she left me. I made a post in the relationship forum, for those who are curious.
After having a romantic and intimate relationship taken away from me because she was a dumb bitch who would spread her legs for a title, that I did not give her. Yes yes, my fault I know, anyway... I realized that I liked having a sexual relationship. I realized this through a lot of suicide notes and depressed ranting. In the end, I realized I was depressed for one reason and one reason alone. I was not confident in my ability to replace my ex. That is what drove me to pick up the PUA world again. That is what drives me.
Now after a year of self-improvement. Of course I mean sticking to a weight lose regiment. I lost nearly half my body fat from a year ago. It is time to start down the social part of my self-improvement. Time to change even more. Lets see where this road takes me.
In the event this forum closes down I am also keeping a journal here. Just copy and past from one location to another.