Yeah, that was a pretty good time man. Let's do it again soon, maybe this weekend? I have faith that it will be even better next time.
Yeah, that was a pretty good time man. Let's do it again soon, maybe this weekend? I have faith that it will be even better next time.
AFrozenSoul and rh1231979,
It was great going out with you guys and having someone there with the same goals i do... Hit on women You both did very well for your first nights out and I'm looking forward to getting together with you guys again! Now that I know where you guys are at I'll do some more reading and see if I can bring more insightful theory for next time.
rh1231979 - we'll get you over that AA quickly no worries. I'll review some old material and see if I can find some different openers that might work better for you.
AFrozenSoul - I'm glad the Drunk I <3 you's opener is working for you! I'll see if I can plant myself closer to your sets next time so I can listen to your transitions, but remember... If you're not pushing me into sets you can damn well count on me pushing you into them!
@rh123197: I am definitely planning on heading out more often. I want to shoot for at least one night a week. Until I finish my fitness goals. So I am all for heading out this weekend.
@Broodlez: I am always open for advice and methods to help me overcome challenges. I know one problem is I like to stick to the topic at hand. I like discussions, so that comes back to bite me. I really need to work on controlling that impulse to argue. I agree it is nice to get out with guys who have the same goals. I am pretty much over my cold, and am more comfortable with going out. So I will make sure to push you into more sets as well. It is always good to be over my anxiety as well.... Well mostly over. It is much less as for a change I am looking forward to being social.
@Both:If you guys want to go out again this weekend. I am planning on going out as well. I have a friend who is planning on meeting me Downtown somewhere between 22:00 and 23:00 so we can go to 1up. You guys are welcome to come along. This friend is not into the PUA idea.... Mainly because I have not told him I am into it. He is a cool guy, and can be easily distracted by video games. He won't get in the way of anything we do. Hell he might actually join in because I know he is not closed to the idea of meeting women.
Anyway my plan is to start heading for downtown, as in get on the lightrail, around 21:00. I have no particular plans so let me know if you want to meet up.
@AFrozenSoul: I sent you a pm.
@Broodlez: I'm good to go for tonight, let me know if we're still on. I say we meet up downtown with AFrozenSoul and his friend.
So I have been kind of lazy with my journal here sorry. So I have two weeks of field reporting to do.
Where Not To Go
Two weeks ago I went to a new bar called 1up. I learned this is not a place I should be going while I am trying to improve my social skills. Don't get me wrong, I love the place. It is so hard to find good classic arcades that are cheap and actually work. Seven dollars and I was good for the whole night. I think I might make that a place I frequent on week nights. Thank god I have a work from home day. I can head out there every Tuesday if I so choose. Granted i need to free up a chunk of my budget. Either way it was a cool place.
I am not sure why I wussed out on one potential set. I had three beers that night. So I was definitely buzzed. There were a couple of girls dancing around. I was trying to think of a good way of saying I am trying to learn how to dance by watching them. Well that or ask them to teach met he method of dancing they were doing. You know give me steps. Alas I didn't, such is life I guess. I still had a great time playing all the wonderful games of my adolescence.
Not Many Girls Out
At least it seemed like there were not many girls out. rh1231979 and I went out last night. It just seemed like there were not that many women out. Then again I could have been picky and was only looking for female only groups. It seemed like a slow night. I guess there was some zombie based event going on downtown. I saw some cute girls on the train who were dressed up really good. However, I did not approach them. They got on 1 stop before I got off. So I figured I would let them be.
So my one set for the night was with 4 girls. My opener was about Halloween. I made another thread asking for refinement on it.
Opener: So I have a question for you guys. Why does everyone consider Halloween a holiday?
They gave me a semi-factual response. Trying to remember the exact historical reasons for it. It was a bit too serious for my tastes. Lucky it was easy to pull them back in. I simply gave my reply as I don't think it is a holiday because I work on that day. That got some laughs. The rest of the conversation centered around the holiday and what they were doing from it. They had just recently decorated so I tried to talk about that. My joke was that haunted houses are generally not clean so it was an excuse to not clean your house and call it decorating. However, soon after that my mind did its usual thing and went blank. So I quickly ran away.... like the wuss I am. Overall, I think things went well they all seemed to be smiling and none of them gave me a cold vibe. Sadly, my mind stopped working so I was not really sure how to transition. I need to stop wussing out.
There was a second potential set however I wanted to let my friend rh1231979 have a chance at it. Well he didn't take it, nor did I so I cannot fault him too much. These girls were dressed up for the event. One of the girls was wearing a graduation outfit. So my opener would have been, That must have been one amazingly good or bad graduation. I know I could have feigned ignorance at the event. AS well as negged about how zombies are boring to me since I played resident evil when it was first released.... ^_^; probably not the best reason.. but it is hard to work in a DHV when my past consists mostly of video games and anime. Either way, another group of guys took this set.
Still I had my one set and I am happy with that.
So for now my plan is to go out every weekend... until... well for a while. Saturday is my prefered day since I have a workout class at 8:30 Saturday morning. That does not mean I am closed to Friday, or Sunday if I have a 3 day weekend. I am going to treat this kind of like a fitness challenge I am doing. The challenge is a Burpee challenge. Basically I am going to start next week with two sets. Then every week after that I am going to add a set... until I get to like 10 or 15 sets. ^_^; I don't want to not reach my quota because of quantity. My goal will be to at least get a phone number by the end of December and actually get a Date before the end of February. These goals can change with time though. We shall see... I know they are modest goals.
One problem I have is I am a slow learner. However, once I learn I learn it REALLY well. This happened to me several times in school. I would start out the semester failing pretty bad. Then I would be getting perfect scores by the end of the semester. Which worked against me pretty badly. However, I need something to hold myself too. So this will be it. I know as I taste success I will want more.
You know I can jazz up my absence as many things. Social exhaustion from 3 weeks ago. My friend requires a lot of attention and I spent Friday and the majority of Saturday with him. Excuse number two, lost track of time. I picked up Arkham City and played it... well I lost track of time playing it and did not go out. Excuse three, my friend was tired from work and wanted to get drunk at my place... and it has been a while since I last drank. All excuses for I just am not putting forth the effort. Lame and pitiful I know.
It is just kind of weird, for the first time in about a year I am actually not too depressed. So some of these things have backed up. I have enough video games to open a small store. There are plenty of new good games coming out for the holidays. I want to make my website successful... all sorts of excuses. I am just not dedicated... that is it... I have to knock this off. I know it is part AA... it sucks. However, I need to treat it like the gym on a bad day. Where I have to go no matter what. I just need to shower comb my hair. Look up a few lame openers and go.
How am I going to reach my goal at this rate? Even worse is the holdiay season... my mind wants to tell me that this is not a good time to be going out. I have to not believe my mind. I just have to believe that this is the same as any other time of the year. I need to stop being so weak. I slip back into depression more and more each time I do not go out. I need to get out of this funk. It is almost like a drug to go out and just talk to girls. It is never something I did. It feels good to see them react in a positive way. I need to get out again. I will get out again. Even if I just do my sets ASAP and go home...Lets hope I can do this. Actually no more hoping... as Moral Orel said, If you hope the answer is nope.
I've been reading a few of your blogposts and I can totally see where you are coming from.
I want to tell you something great though, this AA thing will only take as long as you want it to take.
Getting over your AA has mostly to do with 1. going out often and opening, 2. HAVE A SOCIAL LIFESTYLE.
Make sure you interact with a lot of girls, game a bit on Facebook, make woman friends, make MALE friends! Become socially active a LOT!
Find some wings, guys that will push you to open. I know it might be better to go out without the idea to open, and yeah I remember the time that I needed that but make sure that you DO open. Give your friend 50 bucks and have him return 10 bucks for every opener, sounds harsh but it's a great way to get out of your own way!
A few months later you'll be laughing that you've ever been so scared for this 'social stuff' and you can move on
@Ammo101: I know... I am just kind of embarrassed about asking the only close friend to do that... plus since he struggles financially... I don't trust him as much... >_<...
I am working on my AA... ^_^ So Broodlez or rh wanna go out and do the money thing?
So when I set out on this journey it was a different time in my life.| However, back then I was a great deal more depressed and angry at myself.| I found myself staying home and doing... well nothing.| When my mind is not occupied I tend to start to over think and fatnasize.| However, now things are much different.
Reconsidering My Choice
The main difference being is I have started up all my old hobbies.| I have started to put a great deal more time and dedication into my Anime website.| I have also started trying to play through the hundreds of games I own.| Between going to the gym, chores, anime and video games.| I find my days are very much so full.| So much so that I find myself being exhausted and when the weekend comes around.| Well exhausted or behind on my previous commitments.| Which made me think that this whole.. uhh crusade of mine was just a... well cry for help maybe?
I mean the more I think about it.| I am pretty sure I hate women.| I can thank anime and my mom for that.| Anime... well it is not really something I can blame.| After all, anime follows a formula and the formula of all guys being treated like garbage and all girls being stuck up and prude is one that has worked for a very long time.| So I am more annoyed at the formula.| With my mom, well there is a long list.| Lets just say the short version is she hated men.| Since I was a man and my father left her, she took it out on me.|| Not that I really like to go into details.| Even worse she plays it off as she was new to being a parent.| So yeah I don't like women.
So taking that into consideration.| I now get to weigh the pros and cons of a relationship vs just reclusing in and being single.| So pros of a relationship... well occasional sex... uhh I guess emotional support if I need it... I generally don't...| That is all I can really think of.|| The cons, well let me see.| Having to emotionally support her.| Dealing with her personal reality.| Working her into my plans.| Dealing with her family, I don't even like my own.| Having to compromise on stuff I normally have final say in.| Time and money into wooing and seducing.
Then I look at the cons of being single, no sex.... occasionally lonely.... I guess.| Pros I am master of my own destiny.|| I have no commitments to anyone but myself.| I save money by not going out to eat all the time.| I can put off chores for extended periods of time.
I guess in the end the value of the pros and cons are a person by person thing.| When I get right down to things the only thing I really want from a woman is the physical portion.| Nothing else really, all of that is a hassle.| I am a pretty jaded person.| I tend to not think about others too much.| I just sort of do my own thing and live my own life.| I enjoy the affection from time to time.| However, I tend to get easily annoyed with people in large doses.| A large does is anything lasting more that 5 hours. |
I don't know what I am going to do to be honest.| Part of me wants the skills so I can say I choose to not be a part of the dating world.| However, the other side of me says why bother when I know I am going to sideline myself anyway.| So I am kind of at a cross roads in my choice to consider pursing this path.| I know that if I choose to recluse in that will be it for me.| I go to the gym, but I am not social.| The only other social functions I attend are anime conventions.| For the most part I am not social at those either.| Otherwise I pretty much hide in my room masturbating, watching anime, coding, and playing video games.| So reclusing in will pretty much lock me into abstinence.| However, do I really care?| My entire life I have been really good at doing without.| Or finding other methods to satisfy these desires.| Such has been my life.
Maybe this is just the stress of life coming out of me.| Right now my life is really busy.| My website takes a lot of work and time.| I have hit a bit of a platuea with my workouts.| I am compiling a resume so I can job hunt.| To add insult to injury it is my least favorite time of the year, giftmas and thanksgiving and all that crap.| When I have to deal with the family.| So life kind of.. well sucks right now.| To be honest, when I was dating having her around did not make it any better.| I don't know... for now I think I am going to keep going down this path.| Maybe I am just depressed because I have been a wuss.| When I actually did sets I was motivated and happy...
Either way thanks for reading this vent... hopefully writing this will get me to focus on work.| Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated.
If you never have tried a REAL relationship you will never know what is in for you.
You say when you actually did sets you where motivated and happy? .. Then do it ..
Try to imagine how your live feels when you are eg. 30Years. If you decide to go this way with dedication and will, you will have gotten benefits from this journey won't you ?