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Discuss LR: virgin to FWB o.O at the Field Reports within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; LR: virgin to FWB o.O I've been sitting next to this girl in most lectures ...
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    LR: virgin to FWB o.O

    I've been sitting next to this girl in most lectures at uni because we get along and her friends sit where there's a lot of legroom. Fast foward a few months, I've just moved out and a big faculty party is happening that night. No better time to baptise the bed right?

    I had multiple targets in mind. But I'll skip ahead a bit.

    HBfriend started touching me pretty early, and escalated when I touched her in response.

    At 11pm, after spending some time on the dance floor I picked my girl for the night "Do you want to kiss me?" "I dunno" *Ignore and go back to dancing* 20 mins later "I never did get an answer" *go for kiss and feel a little tongue*. Then once I'd isolated her we started talking about my new place. She gets what's happening "But we sit together in lectures!" "Yeh, we do".

    Her friends were still around so we headed towards the afterparty, touching, holding hands, but otherwise acting as if nothing had changed. In hindsight holding hands may have been a huge mistake at this point. But whatever, verbally we acted as if nothing had changed. We found a reason to leave the afters pretty quickly and walked ot my place.

    The usual. Talk, massage, kissing and general foreplay. Lights out, stripped to undies and instructed her to do likewise, she didn't. Helped her. Lots of foreplay, kissed and touched every inch of her, then undies off. Continued touching and kissing, stayed far away from vagina for a looong time.

    Went to get condom, she giggles "It's my first time" "Don't worry, I'll be gentle, or not if you prefer. Just tell me if it hurts". Started in missionary, worked through all my fav positions. She doesn't know how lucky she was to get a 30+min festival of man first time around. She has had little/no idea of what was expected of her, purred like a cat rather than the usual seal impressions girls do, which was so fucking awesome.

    Snuggled and talked about things. She isn't just inexperienced, she has hardly even experimented. Also, turns out she's 4 years my senior.

    Discussed my exes, perfect segue to discuss how serial monogomy is hypocritical, jealosy is dangerous in MLTRs and so on. "Whatever you feel is fine, it's normal to love after sex, to just feel good, feel close, whatever" "I don't love you. So what are we? Good friends?" "Yeh, good friends". The fact she was my 3rd came up, "By the way you talk I thought you'd been with more", dissmissed it fairly well, but felt some attraction loss.

    Things go a little pear shaped, I fail to do good sex second time around. She changes into dress to go to the loo and won't change out of it. Discovers blood everywhere.

    We go to get breakfast. She doesn't get anything, but just follows me. "I thought I'd feel different, but it's just normal" "Nah, it's normal but knowing you can do something extra". Take her to bus. Kiss her, perhaps not a great idea, only get a tiny kiss back."

    Still in shock a week later that it was so easy. Why did this work when we'd been friends for so long? I do try to flirt a little with everyone and touch people a lot. Another point was discresion, she fell totally into line whenever I made it clear I wanted to "preserve her femininity in front of her friends".

    Now, I don't want this to be a ONS. So any tips on getting my 'good friend' to come back and be totally comfortable with it? I've got some nice 'date' locations nearby, but I'm weary of her falling in love.... (Although, MLTR is totally cool)


    Current goal: 10 approaches in a day where I try to get solid contact details or a date.

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    Just tried to organise a second encounter. Total fail. She was really high energy having just been playing drama sports and singing for a while and I was totally unfun having just been studying for a while. Then logistics turned out weird, which I could have predicted given I know her timetable. D'oh!

    Lessons:
    1. Don't assume you can instantly enter high energy
    2. Don't think with your penis when you have time to be startegic. Had I delayed this 48 hours it would likely have been logistically amazing.
    3. Discuss plans! I wouldn't say I wasted time with her, but it would have been a more complete night if I was caressing her right now.

    Also, holding her hand seems to have been a huge error, her friends caught on and so on.

    BUT, bottom line is she's still attracted to me and I think I have 1 more chance at setting a casual sex frame.
    Current goal: 10 approaches in a day where I try to get solid contact details or a date.

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    Hooked up with her again, kinda. She was happy to get naked and cuddle/play all night, but didn't want to have sex because "I've had a traditional upbringing" and "I'm worried I'll get addicted to you and won't want to be with other guys". She was very clear in saying 'no' many times. She was damn turned on and I tried all manner of compliance ladders, but sex was always a no go, which is 'fine', but not ideal. i.e I like her, and would rather have this than be in a monogamous relationship with sex.

    So I've now established she likes coming by, planted a few fun fantasies in her head, further discussed why I dislike monogomy, helped her enjoy her body and tweaked her view of life more into line with mine. All the while keeping a smile on her face
    Current goal: 10 approaches in a day where I try to get solid contact details or a date.

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    she prob is addicted to you already haha gj mate
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    Søren is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Keep your yes-sexual frame. She bought into it at first, but now you're giving into her no-sex frame. That's like a major 180 degree change. I'm not sure why you are doing that. But, keep your sexual frame. When you see her, tell her that you're going to try to sleep with her. Then try. It might not happen right away, but if you keep telling her this, and she keeps hanging out with you, then that means she is OK with you always trying to sleep with her. I.e., she'll slowly buy into your sexual frame, and you'll be able to sleep with her again. You're monogamy discussion seemed a little intense. Just keep things going until you need to pull those kinds of discussions out of the bag. Or throw more subtle no-label frames out there, like "You're not one of those 'what are we' kind of girls, are you?" Hope you see her again.

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    ^^ Soren raises some great points

    When you progress to trying to get sex with her and she gives you a "no" yet still is obviously interested in fooling around I would take this opportunity to freeze out. Just be like "alright" and stop everything. 9/10 youll get the reaction you want because girls love attention. Don't keep pleasing her with nothing in return.

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