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Discuss The first thing you say doesn't actually matter... at the Field Reports within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Saturday 20-03-2011 I met up with Lor, also a lairguy I sometimes sarge with. Diego ...
  1. #151
    retoke is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Saturday 20-03-2011

    I met up with Lor, also a lairguy I sometimes sarge with. Diego was also in town but with a non community friend. We started by checking out a new club. It's more classy, it's nice to have it cause the bars here are all kind of the same, small dance bars with pretty casual folks. That place has the look of a more chill club. Although it took me a while to approach, I felt like I was floating on air. It really felt like my house. The sarging overdose of this week is doing good things to me. It really helps to get that momentum going, it's been a long while since I felt it. I didn't do that much because I didn't feel pressured at all, it's been the 4th night this week I went out so I just wanted to have a good time and do the occasional approaches when I felt like it. I was getting eye contact from all over the place again. One girl in particular gave me repeated eye contact. She looked familiar to me too. Maybe I should have opened her, but there was no pressure and I wasn't that into her.

    Set 1: warmup
    I open an adjacent two set with "Do you guys know where the toilet is here?". I needed to go and I really didn't know where it was. "No I don't know, I didn't have to go yet". "You should definitely drink more then!" "Haha. I think it's downstairs though." Talked a little while more and then ejected. They were both very friendly.

    Set 2: this was bound to happen
    Lor didn't really like the club cause he's a more an alternative guy so we went back to the dance bars. We also met up with Diego and his friend there. When inside Lor opened a group of girls and Diego's friend is like "wow good going!". Diego and me are standing there pretty unimpressed like it's the most normal thing in the world.. (well it is to us) and I go "Oh, yeah, that's how we roll!". Diego laughed. It's kind of funny going out when there's non community people in the company too. They continue to be impressed by the approaches , it's kind of a reality check to see how far in fact we have come.

    Anyway, I see this cute girl that deserved a direct opener. I go in, open, and she's very receptive. I do my usual shit and she's touching me and stuff, so far so good. I decided at this point it would be a good idea to let her introduce her friends to make my presence in that set more sticky and that they would accept me being there for a prolonged time. She introduces me to her friend standing to my left. The friend says "It's the second time already you get introduced to me and you still don't know my name phssst". Not in a teasy way but I could tell she really was upset about that. My target kind of apologises for her friend. I try to salvage the situation and ask when I met her then. She doesn't even want to answer it. My target is now distancing her from me by taking her phone and sending a text. She was attracted but the situation was obviously awkward and her friend hating me is obviously a dealbreaker. Just my fucking luck again. But yeah, this was bound to happen some time . I realise this isn't going to go anywhere anymore so I eject. I have no clue when I got introduced to her before though. oh well.

    Picture.
    Lor wants to try out some kind of routine with a camera. My phone has a pretty good camera so he asks the girls to take a picture of us. The girl taking the picture hands the camera back to me. I bullshit a bit "you'd be an excellent photographer". Blabla she says she wants to study that after her current studies or something. The reason i'm mentioning this is because she was touching me A LOT. She was only a 7 at most though so I wasn't really interested. The plan to involve the whole set with hotter girl kind of failed. What's up with all the IOI's and eyecontact of girls? It's my state, it's really strange, I have no clue what I do different but somehow the girls notice it, it's like an aura of winning or something. I used to have nights like this when I was in good state and stuff started happening, but now I was in state for 4 nights in a row. We'll see what the future brings. I am starting to have even more fun then I used to. If i think back on all those nights I wasted getting absolutely smashed. Man, what a waste

    Set 3: physical opener

    We changed venues. Lor opens a girl that's dancing with very high energy. He tries to open her but she even just ignores him. I say to him that girls like that needed to be opened with a physical opener. He said "ok, show me how". Now I had to open of course. So I put out my hand and she takes it I spin her around a few times but there's where it ends. It doesn't hook, she wanders off again. These kind of sets usually end up in either very fast escalation or a very short "interaction".

    In the same bar I also see a non community friend of me and I come over to say hello. He's apparently friends with the girl friend of HB27 who was also there. There was another girl with him and I talked a bit to her. I asked for her full name in the end to add to facebook. Building that social circle!

    Again we change venues and there's this girl sitting outside asking us if we have a cigarette. I said "no, neither of us smoke." I don't remember what I said next but we end up in a convo and I am leaning against some wall thingy locked in. This is how smooth it goes when you are in state! Next thing I know a girl is coming outside and I look at her and it's the spanish girl I was gaming months ago! It was nice seeing her again. We joined her in the bar she was at for a while. Place pretty much sucks so I talked to her for a while and we had one drink there. I also pinged if she was still together with her bf or not. She was. When we finished our drinks we went outside and I kissed her goodbye.

    After that I didn't do much anymore. Very fun night, a few social contacts.. a lot of IOI's from all over the place. One very good approach with potential but bad luck. No real results though. I want to start closing those sets that go very well and where I am attracted to like HBFaroeIslands and the one yesterday. I said if i'm able to do that i'll be at a ratio of 1/10 but the way it's going now it would be more like a 1/5 ratio. How awesome would that be?

    I had a slight headache today though, all the going out is taking it's toll. I normally never have headaches. I think my brain is trying to process everything what happened over the week/weekend. I'll try to have my rest the coming next days.

    This weekend it's also officially one year ago since I took the bootcamp. So i have roughly one year of gaming behind me. I'm 500 sets in. Not that much for a whole year but atleast I have been going at it pretty consistently. I will continue to game and continue to build that social circle. The future will bring good things If I compare my mindset one year ago to now it's a huge difference. Only that is worth it even though I haven't been getting that many results YET. I'll keep being a persistent mofo and eventually it will all fall into place. Get ready for another year of reading my FR's!! Hopefully less boring

    Retoke out!


    For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
    Matthew 25:29

  2. #152
    retoke is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    23-11-2010

    Ok small FR. I drank beers and played poker at a friends house. At some point my friend's gf came in with her girl friends. They were all a bit drunk. All pretty average looking, though there was one girl in particular that I liked more. Objectively probably a 7, but to me she had this extra thing that I can't explain so for me she's an 8. I rarely give a girl a 10, but if a 9 has this extra thing she'd become a 10, it's the special X-factor. I'll call her HBfreckles.

    Anyway, i was more focused on my poker game than on the girls. As it should be! The real men are busy with serious bussiness and don't have time for little girl antics! After a while pretty much ignoring them I do a cold read on HBfreckles where I "guess" where she's from based on her accent. It's pretty easy to do here in Belgium but everytime it works, they're not aware of their own accent most of the times so you usually get the "Do you hear it that hard?" response where they are a bit embarrased about it. I thought it was a pretty sexy accent actually (maybe that was the x-factor). So she talked a bit where she was from and stuff.... back to the game.

    Long story short, the girls leave and we finish our game and head to a student bar. We're with 3 guys, one who usually doesn't go out with us. I also did one cold approach but it was a blowout basically. I'm not sure if the girls where there again or not during that approach. I did hesitate on the approach and that's why it was a blowout. If you hesitate you go from confident to creepy in a fraction of a second. I only hesitated for two seconds or so but that's already enough.

    After a while we meet the girls again. HBfreckles was positioned next to me all the time. I didn't consciously influence the group dynamic so that she would be next to me but it just happened. It's the same basic mechanism of proximity at work. The girl subconciously seeks your presence and because that goal is in the back of her mind her mind will do things to accomplish that even if she isn't necessarily aware of it. This is one of those things I wouldn't believe is true if I hadn't experienced it myself a few times already. (I'm not saying this was the case now, could have been a coincidence as well)

    For example: I once had a girl attracted to me. I knew she liked me cause of the eye contact and previous stuff that happened (too bad she had a bf). Her group was standing on the other end of the bar. I noticed she glanced in my direction a few times. Half an hour later her group is suddenly standing next to mine and she is actually with her back against mine, her butt touching mine. How the hell did this happen? I can't imagine she would say "Hey guys lets go stand over there, it's better there but I want to stand there facing that way ok?" It just happened. She led her group there without them and her realising it. She was pretty damn hot so it makes sense the guys in the group follow her subconsciouly.

    I'm making such a fuss about this because this sort of stuff is very interesting to me. I don't think much research has been done in this area. Probably because you can't test this in a lab, or even in an experiment. What you can do is filming a crowd and then analyse the footage. It still would be difficult and very time consuming.

    Anyway, nothing really happened, talked to her a bit, don't remember the details too much cause at that point I was pretty wasted. I do remember we're talking about blood types suddenly and she shows me her blood type card thingy. No clue how we got there. She also asks me what my name is. A few IOI's so she's probably interested at least but I'm having a hard time actually doing something with it in social circle situations like this. If I take some action she will no doubt report it back to my pal's gf who will report it to my pal and I guess I don't like that. If something goes wrong i'll be the laughing stock so to speak. I realise I'm being a big baby about this and that this is an inner game issue of mine. The move can't be too aggresive though, since that would convey low social intelligence. Going for the number there would have been weird. I don't even have my pal's gf's nr. How could I have moved things forward descretely? Even if I did get the nr, how would I move forward then? Invite her on a date right away? Sounds like it's too much right away. Maybe these are just limiting beliefs of me but it just doesn't feel socially intelligent to me. What I could and should have done is mention i'll add her to facebook after the name exchange. Same question remains though, how would I progress from there?

    I probably won't see her in person again anytime soon either. It could take months.

    Actually.. it is all in my mind.. I had no problem trying to nr close HBshortSkirt and I wouldn't have a problem with setting up a date with her either. The only difference is that my tie to that social circle is my wing Digits, and he obviously knows what I'm up to So, bottom line, I still care too much what people think. I'm ok with random people or people that don't know me that well, but I still care too much with people who know me well. I'll put this in the back of my mind and try to work on it. It already improved but there's still work to do on that area.
    For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
    Matthew 25:29

  3. #153
    retoke is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Thursday 24-03-2011

    I went out with my wing Digits. I went out with a friend yesterday so I was still pretty tired from that, which effected my state quite a bit, there's nothing that kills it more than being tired. Thursday is always the "party" day for the students here so it's very crowded everywhere. That makes moving from point A to point B in the bar very energy consuming, that mixed with the tiredness, not so good. We start with warming up in the usual student bar.

    When Digits arrives, he finds me in set. It wasn't a cold approach but it was a girl I knew. She was going home though.

    Set 1: warmup
    We're standing in a more quiet part of the bar and I do my usual warmup on a 3 set "Do you guys know any good parties today?". Blabla, I was able to transition but I eject pretty fast. The place was pretty much a cockfarm and too crowded so not good for approaching. We left and went to the next bar.

    In there we see MrBartender and talk to him a bit. He's talking to two girls again. This guy is kind of a natural. He knows a lot of people and mostly girls it seems. So he has constant preselection and social proof. He also has certain natural mannerisms like teasing them, freezing them out sometimes and bullshitting skills. Anyway Digits opens one of those two girls. They talk a bit and I chip in once in a while. The girl was pretty cool. MrBartender sees Digits talking to the girl and he goes "oh how do you two know eachother?".

    Set 2: still warming up
    Talking to that girl made me a bit warmer but nowhere near the state I was in last week. We decided to leave and go to the next bar. On our way out I see a group of girls and two guys. Two very cute girls, one of the guys was together with the less cute one of the two. Of course I open with "Do you guys know any good parties today?"

    Girl: No, we don't
    Retoke: Oh, you guys looked like you'd know that kind of stuff
    Girl: We're not from here actually
    Retoke: Where are you guys from then?
    Girl: From cityX
    Retoke: Ah I actually have a friend that lives there, do you happen to know friendX?
    Girl: No, never heard of him.
    Retoke: Too bad he's a great guy.. tell me, what brings you guys here then?
    Group: We're celebrating 100 days of school left (it's a celebration for high school students in their last year when they have only 100 days of school left)
    Retoke: Ah yes, a bit late to celebrate it though (it's usually in january they celebrate it)

    Blablabla, it went on like that for a little while. Digits was coming behind and got me my coat so I ejected to go to the second bar. I wouldn't have mind staying in this set though, although they were a bit young, it was still legal MrBartender sees me closing down the convo and yells "Ah did you get her number for a date??". I yell "no man, they're highschool students, it's jailbait!".

    This set was pretty good for getting warmed up but it was no match for my tiredness. That's all I did I think, didn't open anymore after that. Though I was on the verge of doing it, and I regret not doing it.

    The last bar we went to was very crowded as well. We entered and got rid of our jackets and Digits went to the bar to get us drinks. At that moment a girl looks me in the eye. She looks a bit like Eleanor and for a fraction of a second I thought it was her. She had the same kind of hot horny sexy stare. So I just kept looking and then she smiled to me and then I smiled back. My heart is always racing when shit like that happens. She was gorgeous and tall. I should have approached right then and there BUT I FUCKING DIDNT. I was thinking, "i'll do it later when Digits returns with the drinks". He returns and gives me the 2 minute challenge. Excellent I thought and just when I was about to approach her group goes to stand elsewhere. Bare in mind that it was very crowded so plowing through all those people to reach her isn't... good. I couldn't even see where she went. On to looking for the next set to approach. We were both having trouble approaching cause of the crowdedness. An excuse? Yes and no, it was really far from an ideal situation to approach. Does it mean it's a valid excuse? Fuck no.

    A bit later I spot Eleanor2 again. She's on some kind of stage, platform thingy. Great, even harder to approach. She makes eye contact with me from time to time.

    Then something similar happened to what happened two weeks ago. The venue had a second floor with view on the ground floor. When I look up randomly I see two girls looking in my direction. I look back. They wave and motion to come over??? WTF is this? Major deja vu! Again I am not sure for who it was, it was super crowded but again I didn't see anyone in my vacinity react and neither did Digits. WTF is this? It's really starting to freak me out. Again I didn't do anything cause I didn't think it was for me. I swear next time I will wave back. I'll probably make a fool out of myself but fuck it. I need to know

    Near the end Eleanor2 got down from the stage and back in a position somewhat close to us. By now we had already decided to bounce so I didn't approach anymore and I regret it. One part of me doesn't want me to approach, my ego. I get these huge IOI's from her so it's pretty clear that she likes me. What's not to like, right? In all seriousness, I am afraid that I will fuck up my approach and then she won't like me anymore, then the IOI's she gave me would be fake... How rediculous is this? Now I got nothing, and i'll never know. I am afraid to bruise my ego. Or rather, my ego is afraid it will get bruised so it tries to sabotage me and it succeeded. Next time something like this happens I should become aware of it and realise it's my stupid no good bullshit ego talking. I'm gonna crush that bastard!

    Another thing I want to mention is that I have the tendency to postpone things. Approaching in this case. It cost me Eleanor2 this time and many other girls other times. When I get the 2 minute challenge I almost always wait till I have 10 seconds left. Why do I do that? It has no purpose. This tendency to postpone is rooted deep into me. It applies to all aspects of my life. Going to bed, getting work done, doing the dishes, approaching, studying, answering mails.. everything.

    I'm not sure what the underlying issue is with that.. I guess I like to stay in the same state I'm currently in. That means I don't like change... actually the change itself is ok, once I actually start with a task I'm completely fine with it. So it's the thought of change that I don't like. So it's completely made up. A thought originated from my head. Self sabotage again. Why does this mechanism exist? I can understand the ego wants to protect itself from blowouts but here there's no harm...

    Wait, i'm in a certain situation at this moment, nothing bad happened so the ego is reassured that nothing bad in fact will happen in the current situation. So it makes sense that it does not want to transition to the next situation cause it doesn't know if that situation will cause harm to it. That's it. Wow deep stuff... i'll let this sink in for a few days.

    Retoke out!
    For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
    Matthew 25:29

  4. #154
    retoke is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Friday 25-03-2011

    Started drinking right after work. It was pretty good weather outside and there were alot of hot girls walking around in the city I work. Anyway, it was a night out with a couple of friends and a lot of booze. It wasn't boring though, it was different then it usually was so it was nice.

    Inbetween there was a girl who actually opened one of my pals. I bullshitted with her for a while, correctly cold readed her name, i'm starting to get good at that Not much else done besides having fun.



    Saturday 26-03-2011

    Went out with Digits a friend of mine. Someone who hasn't really been in my life for a couple of years but he started reconnecting with me. He seems to know some girls so I'm allowing him to reconnect with me This is a non community friend of course. Kind of an AFC you'd think, bad bodylanguage and a bit shy, yet somehow he has this pretty hot gf (hb8). I'll call him MrP.

    The place we went to was a local party of some youth organisation. That means there's gonna be a lot of young girls there, some of them too young. Tonight was also interesting to see how I would handle sarging with a non community friend right there. I didn't think it would cause too much trouble for me since he's not been in my life for a couple of years.


    Set 1: warming up
    There was a 3 set not far from us and I got the 2 min challenge from Digits so I approach that set asking if they were part of the youth movement who organised this party. One of them was and I said it was a nice party and all. I managed to transition well but I was a lot more nervous then I normally am. They were pretty receptive and a little bit intrigued. I ejected while it wasn't necessary cause of my nerves. Right when I ejected MrP and Digits wanted to come in. So if I had stood my ground for a few more seconds perhaps we would have been locked in for a far longer time and I could have actually done some damage.. but alas. I guess I was having more troubles than I anticipated with MrP there. The girls were also young but not too young, good warmup though. MrP jokingly called me a "player" afterwards. He aint seen nothing yet!

    Set 2: bf there

    I spot a hot girl that doesn't look too young. I decide it's time to go direct. It's a 3 set and two of them are guys so I ask if any of those guys is her bf, and it was. Eject.

    Set 3: cold
    I get the challenge again. I see a hot blonde 3 metres from us. It's a 3 set of girls and I go in direct. Judging from their face the friend's of my target aren't really happy. My target is pretty cold as well, a little bit shy, doesn't say much but doesn't blow me out either. She didn't give me much to work with and I didn't feel like plowing so I ejected pretty fast.

    By now I'm starting to get really uncomfortable doing that "many" approaches with MrP there. It looks like that's all we do... well it is but it's weird for non community people


    Set 4: eye contact

    I'm getting repeated eye contact from an HB 8 near us. Again I had trouble going in. Digits (who also reads my FR's) reminded me of my last FR and that I regretted not opening the eye contact girls. That tipped the balance for me. I couldn't go in just yet though. I had to wait for her to make eye contact again and then go in. And sure enough, after a while it was there again so I said "fuck it" and went in.

    Retoke: You can't look at me like that and not come say hi to me!
    HB8: Oh, haha, hi *immediatly lays her hand on my shoulder* what's your name?
    Retoke: I'm Retoke.. what's yours?
    HB8: I'm HB8!

    I was getting some mayor IOI's from her. She was all over me, touching my waist and stuff it was obviously very much on. This approach reminds me of HBFaroeIsland but even more IOI's. This gave me a huge rush, it was almost too much at once, my brain was shortcircuiting. A shockwave of emotions was going through me. I got to know her a little better and mostly talked comfort but not interview mode, it was pretty ok. We were still kind of touching and holding eachother. By now you guys are probably thinking a k-close and perhaps more is coming up.. well hate to disappoint but I somehow managed to fuck it up!

    I wanted this to escalate further so I thought I'd dance with her closely with our bodies together and it usually is pretty easy to k-close then. In order to facilitate this I said "You have some pretty good dance moves I must say". I didn't say this just to escalate but she did have nice moves for real. There it seemed to fall apart. She goes back to say something to her friends and stays there a little. I'm not saying it's that line that fucked it up, but I've used it before and it never worked, when I used that it always was the turning point for things going downhill. So I will never ever use that line again. I really don't know why but it seems to suck major epic balls for some reason. At that point I turn back to Digits and MrP of course to not lose any value just standing there. They were right next to the girls so I could easily reopen.. and that was also the plan. But before I could do that the whole group took off.. WTF. They took off within 3-4 minutes or something. I couldn't even nr close ffs.

    I don't really know what I did wrong either. Maybe just like HBFaroeIsland she got bored because I didn't escalate fast enough (if that's what happened)? Does she really want to kiss after just a couple of minutes? The whole situation is pretty much exactly the same. Those two approaches are exactly the same. I'm gonna make a post of this in the main section. I really want to be able to take advantage of situations like this. If i'm able to close those girls, i'd already be happy with my game.

    Things that I think I might have done wrong:

    1)didn't isolate (although i had her in mini isolation)
    2)not dominant enough, not fast enough escalation
    3)using that stupid dance moves line
    4)maybe it was some kind of shit test and I should have reopened?

    5)Maybe she didn't think I was that interested in her because I didn't really escalate much. Come to think of it, I didn't give any SOI. The opener I used wasn't really super direct either. Maybe she thought I wasn't really into her (because I didn't escalate fast enough and no SOI) and she went back to her friends because of that. I have to figure this out, I really need to be closing in these situations. I'm thinking it's nr 5, it seems to cover nr 2 as well. Argh this is so frustrating. So fuck it, if I get a situation like this again I will escalate immediatley, i'd rather fuck it up by escalating too fast at this point than have another one of these situations. Blow me, or blow me out! That's the motto I should live by. I know I said this before and i'm a terribly slow learner on this part. It still is my nr 1 sticking point.

    Of course this epic fail looked all very fancy to MrP and he was enthousiastic about my approach. He wanted to know what she said and stuff. This kind of is a reality check and it shows that I don't suck as much as I think I do compared to "normal" people. He was really in awe that we were approaching girls.. good thing he didn't hear what we said to them. Most guys have a lot of AA cause they're also worried that they will look like a fool in front of their friends if they get blown out, but truth is, you almost always get credit for it cause you had the balls to do it.



    It's not all bad though. I am getting A LOT of eyecontact like that lately. I don't know what I'm doing different now compared to 6 months ago. Some of my recent "successes" have probably altered my inner game somehow and somehow it subtely changes my outwards signals and girls see it. It is actually pretty amazing they can somehow detect it. Someone ought to research it but I bet even psychologists don't know this exists.. or aren't convinced it exists. In the lair i'm in a lot of guys there are claiming you first have to work on your inner game and then your outer game will come. I think it's exactly the opposite and i'm getting more and more convinced of that. Changing your inner game without those reference experiences is a VERY slow process and it might not even be possible to get the same results as you'd have with a few simple reference experiences. How do you get those experiences? By faking it till you make it. Outer game, heck even routines if you must. Sure most of the times it will not work because your inner game isn't there and the girls notice, but sometimes they don't notice and that's all you need for an experience.

    Anyway I Hope I'll get some more eye contact like that and a nice bunch of IOI's after my approach so I can sort this issue out.

    Retoke out!
    For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
    Matthew 25:29

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    Ok, I thought about my latest approaches where the HB 8 was all over me last saturday and with the HBFaroeIsland girl that was all over me as well but I fucked it up in both cases.

    I am pretty sure I now know what I did wrong. After reading some posts and some experiences of Louis (one of the lairguys) last weekend I realised that I wasn't nearly dominant enough. I need to constantly remind myself to be this way, to act like that. I read posts on it and I "get it" and the next few times I'm more dominant but then it kind of lessens again over time. This is not internalised yet, I have to remind myself to be more dominant constantly.

    What I should have done was the following:

    She was touching my shoulder and even holding me by the hips at some point. I should have just grabbed her hips and pulled her against my crotch, let her feel my boner. Start dancing with her that way. Don't use the lame "you have good dance moves" waiting for her to take initiative, god it's so clear now, what a fucking pussy move, no wonder that never works, the girls probably know it's a weak pussy move.

    Say a minimal of things to her so that she atleast heard your voice, but leave out all that comfort and qualification stuff for later. You can still do that after you kissed her to solidify the connection, once you kissed her she's not going anywhere.



    If I think back to the HB27, it was like i just described here. I didn't even run much comfort or qualification at all. I basically just molested her on the dancefloor. The qualification and comfort came on the day2. I'm not saying that's the ideal way to go. If she was hotter she probably would have had buyer's remorse and missed the real connection to go on a day 2. But that doesn't mean you can do the comfort and qualification shit after you kissed her.

    I opened, got major IOI's so at that point in the old MM I'm already at A3 after just 10 seconds. That means going into qualification and comfort but that's where the MM model is not completely correct. Eventually you'll have to go through all the stages but it doesn't necessarily have to be in that order. That's also what's been said at the bootcamp. I don't think it's mentioned in magic bullets though. It's good to have a model, it's bad to stick to it at all times. Listen to what signals the girl is giving off, if she's physical right away, start going physical as well and up it a notch. Every girl is different, some are interested as well but don't touch you because they are more shy or less drunk. In those cases you have to go through the model in pretty much the regular order. In this case the girl wanted to go physical, and I was just doing comfort thinking you can't be that physical right away, but you can, I did it with the HB27, I did it with the social circle blonde girl who I k-closed! Why didn't I use the pirouette for instance to get her to dance close to me? Instead i used the lame "you got good dance moves" HAHA wtf was i thinking.

    This is where game can sometimes fuck it up for you if you interpret the material "wrong" and want to follow the model at all costs. But in my AFC times I wouldn't have approached her at all in the first place. Probably wouldn't even have gotten the eye contact due to bad body language and bad inner game. Or maybe I would have but I would nervously look away, killing all attraction. So yeah, game fucked up this situation, but without game I wouldn't even be in that situation.

    So yeah, another lesson learned. I seem to be learning this stuff the really hard way and make every mistake there is to make. But you know what they say.

    "An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." -- Niels Bohr

    Retoke out!
    For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
    Matthew 25:29

  6. #156
    retoke is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Tuesday 29-03-2011

    Night out sarging with Digits. The Belgian national football team was playing so I first watched that with a couple of non community friends (we won!!). Consequence of that is that I had more beers in me than usual when sarging.

    Yesterday I made the mistake of being too result oriented again (seems to be a mistake I often make after some "success") After my realisation in last post about what I should have done with the blonde eye contact girl (let's call her HBwhiteBelt) and the FaroeIsland girl I had that fresh in my mind and I wanted to do it right. But that made me too result oriented which isn't a good mindset to be in. I was frustrated after last night. I had the feeling it sucked major balls, but it's not as bad as I make it up to be in my mind, that's another consequence of being result oriented.

    When we arrived at the bar I was quite relaxed, didn't feel any AA or pressure so the warmups were easy.

    Set 1: usual warmup
    I asked if there was a good party going on somewhere. They opened up well (HB8, HB7), gave a few suggestions. I managed to transition pretty well. Digits tried to wing but the obstacle was a bit cold to him. He engaged the obstacle right away so it may be that the girls didn't know he was with me. A better approach is if he first gets my attention and then I introduce him to the girls. Or another way is (if the girls didn't see us standing together) that the wing comes in with "Ah, i see you met Retoke/Digits already". This line conveys many good things in my opinion. Yes, I stole this line from someone in The Lounge

    I diverted my attention to Digits again and we were now standing a bit locked in now. The set wasn't done, I could have reopened easily but I didn't. If the obstacle hadn't been cold to him we would have been able to lock into this set and ran some real game without much time pressure. Winging is crucial with a 2 set like that and even then still a bit tricky. I didn't really feel much warmer after that for two reasons. I was already warm because of the booze (and talking to friends during the game) and I was too result oriented, instead of enjoying the interaction I was "disappointed" I couldn't take it further deep down.


    Set 2: basically the same
    Same opener, girl was pretty warm again, this time she was only a HB7 though. She was with a bunch of girls, 5 or so. I could have taken this further but I didn't really want to myself so I ejected pretty fast. Again the result of being result oriented. I should have just continued the set to see how far I could take it, just for practise you know, that's how you learn the most. I won't learn anything from opening and transitioning, I got that down. I remain too much within my comfort zone.


    Set 3: again, same opener
    Group of 4 girls. I open the HB8. She suggests a few things, her friend HB7.5 butts into the conversation and I banter a little bit with her. I talk to the HB8 again and I'm just bullshitting a bit but I see I'm losing her attention. She's not looking at me and it looks like she's not listening. What to do? Ah a cold read. Guessing what she studies. This got her full attention again immediatley, funny to see it switch so suddenly. Not sure how this set ended, I think I just started talking to Digits again and never bothered to take it further.

    Usually these approaches would make me quite warm but now my state didn't really alter. I was already warm when I entered the bar. And my result oriented mind didn't like the approaches cause there's no result


    Set 4: miscalibrated opener
    You can open with anything but some openers will get you more success than others in specific situations, that's a fact.

    I wanted to open with "how's the party going over here?". But the situation didn't look right for it. Digits said it was a limiting belief. I didn't think so but I was willing to try it. Sometimes you have to test your assumptions to see if they're still correct and to keep an open mind. It was a pretty closed off group standing with some space between us. So I opened and her reaction is very unenthousiastic. She does give me the high 5 though but in the same lame manner. I talk a bit more but she's obviously not having it. I decide to ask for her name to test the waters. She doesn't want to give me. I say that it's the first time someone doesn't want to give their name. (Not really the first time but it's quite rare) The girl wasn't even that hot. After that I decide to just stand there to make things awkward I was thinking "if you think that not giving your name is gonna make me go away, you're wrong!!". After a while of just standing there I got bored and returned to Digits, who just wanted to come in to wing.

    About the openers. It's obvious that some openers are better for some situations. I have a few openers that I pretty much use all the time, and I'm gonna list in what situations I can use them for my own reference.

    *******************

    A) warm-up openers

    - on student nights: do you know a good party somewhere?
    - weekend nights: some standard opinion opener.

    Suitable for:
    Ideally a set that is close to you so you don't have to move around a lot. Also works from a distance if they didn't see you walk across the bar/club.


    B) How's the party going over here?

    Suitable for:
    Sets that are close to where you are standing so you don't have to move a lot when opening, best done in the over the shoulder kind of way. If they respond enthousiastically reward them with a high five and align your body towards the group. It's weird to just walk 5m and barge into a group guns blazing with this one.


    C) eye contact opener: You can't look at me like that and not come say hi/talk to me.

    Suitable for:
    Any time a girl makes (repeated) eye-contact with you.


    D) direct opener

    Suitable for:
    Ideally a set where you DO have to walk a few metres before you reach your target. It can be done with a closeby set but if you already stood there for a while it's not gonna come off as genuine.


    E) You look pretty lonely standing here on your own.

    Suitable for:
    Obviously a girl that stands somewhere alone. Works well in some cases, not so well in others (mostly when she's waiting for her bf)


    F) physical opener
    - pirouette, twirling her around

    Suitable for:
    A girl that is dancing with high energy. Can also work when the girl is in her group but not engaged and looks a little bit bored.

    Caveat: If it's a 2 set and the girls are dancing high energy with eachother and have no eye for their environment it's not gonna open. Anything is possible but that's been my experience so far.


    G) Ah, I see you met [insert name] already!

    Suitable for:
    winged sets. Ideally when the girls haven't seen you standing around with your wing already. That way it looks like you know a lot of people and you're the social guy checking up on everyone.


    H) Hey wing! Do you know where Eve is? [or any other bullshit you say to your wing]

    Suitable for:
    Winged sets where the girls already saw you together with your wing. Just say something to your wing and he will introduce you to the girls.


    That covers pretty much any situation in night game so there's no excuse to not open a set!

    *******************

    Winged set
    Digits went into a 2 set of blondes. I decide to wing him and go in with "I see you met my friend Digits already". First time I used that for winging but it worked excellent. I was talking to the girl to my left but I wasn't sure who his target was. Usually it's easy to tell but these girls were about the same on the HB scale to me so I had to ask him which one his target was. I saw it didn't go so well with Digits but I was interested in the other girl and it went OK at least. Too bad Digits was kind of out the set after a while so I talked to him a bit as well, the girls were still near us so I could easily "reopen". I think it's good that you show some willingness to walk away and it's important not to ignore your wing. What we did would be impressive to someone like MrP. However, what we were about to witness was impressive to us and made me feel like a n00b.

    Some guy goes up to my blonde and within a few seconds he's holding her by the hips and she's all over him. Much like my eye contact approach last saturday with HBwhiteBelt. We know this was a cold approach cause the guy wasn't belgian and asked "Are you single?". Two minutes later we see them making out. WTF, three minutes ago I was still doing remotely ok with this girl. He sure showed us. It was a blast to my ego and I needed some time to process it. I became frustrated. I know you shouldn't compare yourself to other guys and all that crap but unless you're an enlightened buddhist monk you're always gonna compare yourself to others on some level, that's reality. You can work on it to lessen it, and it already has, but I'm only human, these emotions come up in me. I don't want to have them but they're there.

    Ok, granted, the guy was pretty muscular (working on that) and probably pretty goodlooking too face wise. So he'll have it easier than me or my wing, and I can live with that, just not in the moment when it's shoved right into my face. Right now I'm actually glad it happened. The situation that guy was in was EXACTLY the same situation I was in last saturday with the HBwhiteBelt and EXACTLY the same with HBFaroeIsland. The only difference was that he was making out with her within 2 minutes while I was just yapping away. Eventually the girls leave cause they know an alphaman would just go in and make out with them in a very short timespan. I failed the tests there. No wonder guys are confused with women all the time. Without all this PU knowledge I wouldn't have known what was going on if my life depended on it. Now even with all the knowledge it took me a day to figure it out (and I wasn't 100% sure, it could still be something I did wrong I wasn't aware of) but now i'm sure that what I suspected is indeed the truth.

    The guy was obviously a natural, he behaved all flakey after kissing the girl and didn't stick to her at all. Continued to do his own thing and only came back to the girl once in a while on his terms.

    Like I said, this kind of messed me up a bit in that moment so it probably affected my next approach as well.


    Set 5: direct approach
    Girl is in a 6 set or something. The direct opener worked well enough but this girl had a condescending tone in her voice, like she felt that she's better than me or something. Her face wasn't all that either, nothing wrong with it but not my type of girl. Apparently she already said her name and I totally fogot we even exchanged names (even worse than just forgetting the name) and asked for it again! Of course this killed it lol. Wanted to test if she remembered mine but she did so I didn't have any case lol. She wasn't really pleased so I ejected.

    So it wasn't that bad actually, I just made it worse than it was in my mind cause of the result orientedness and that natural k-closing our set in 2 minutes.

    It looks like I'm only focusing on easy sets where they are all over me from the beginning and that I'm neglecting to game in the proper way. It's like focusing on only HB6's because you know you'll get results with them. The reason that I'm hammering so much on this is that imo if you can't even close easy sets like that you sure as hell aren't gonna close a more difficult set. Also, the reference experience of it will only help my inner game get tighter. Girl all over you -> you go in for kiss fast -> it works. You can be sure as hell you won't doubt about pulling the trigger next time when you experienced that. In a way it's all about reference experiences. Get that experience! That's one of the reasons why I temporarily lowered my standards to a HB 7, and it helped my game a lot. Just like how I internalised now that if you try to kiss them now and they don't kiss back, just keep trying and eventually she'll crack, or get her away from her friends and try then. Be dominant about it, it's often that simple. I've been brainwashed to be careful with girls because of all the rapes you see in the news and the thought that girls are scared of strange men.

    Another thing me and Digits talked about yesterday was building that social circle and in particular becoming friends with girls. (God this is going to be a long FR again) This is necessary to build a cool social circle where you can snatch girls from. You stay away from the inner circle but you game the 2nd and 3rd circles, the friends of the girls in your circle and the friends of the friends and so on. Of course you'd need to be friends with a few girls who have hot gf's.

    I'm having a hard time becoming friends with girls. Right now the only girl I really consider to be a friend is a lesbian who drinks a lot and basically behaves like a man. Usually in the past it went down like this. If there's a hot girl in my circle somehow then I want to bang her and I will try to "get" her. Not that I'm that obvious about it that the girl immediatley knows this but it somehow prevents me becoming friends with them. As soon as they have a bf I lose all interest in them and become aloof and cold towards them. If they're ugly I don't have any interest in them at all. Most girls are pretty boring and I just don't want to spend any time with them (unless they're hot ofcourse). Yes, superficial, but that's the way it is. Hotter girls are usually less boring (but that can be an illusion created by the hotness). It's rare to come across a girl that has the same interests as me to connect with. Now I'm trying to become friends with some of the HB7's I cold approach. That's not so easy. If I nr close them and then want to go out with a drink with our combined friends she still thinks i'm coming on to her, or they're just not open to other people in their group. The only solution here is to take up a hobby with a lot of girls in (so there's common grounds to become friends over). I'm probably gonna hate it cause those girly hobbies don't interest me at all but maybe I can find something I don't totally detest (like cooking maybe). Another solution is to become friends with a guy who knows a lot of girls, that's also a work in progress. MrBartender, valentine... although MrBartender probably isn't gonna be all that useful.

    For next time: Just go sarge again for fun, for your own entertainment. If I continue on this path it's only a matter of time I'll encounter more "easy" sets like HBwhiteBelt and HBFaroeIsland and I can only hope I drilled it in my mind enough to just pull the fucking trigger then and not stall too long. Meanwhile, my skills can only become better with every set I do.

    Failure is the way to success!
    For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
    Matthew 25:29

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    retoke is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Thursday 31-03-2011

    Went out with Digits. Pretty similar night to tuesday but now I felt a lot better about it, I felt great actually. I had fun. And only because I didn't go out being result oriented, this is major. I think it's important to identify things like this cause being in a bad state can fuck you up in field and can make you lose your motivation. Which is obviously not in lign with my goals.

    Tonight I had no AA, absolutely none. Usually I have it a bit, it's not strong and I can overcome it easily but usually the first set is a bit shakey due to being a bit nervous. Tonight there was none of that.


    Set 1: warmup
    Usually the first set is a drag to do. You don't want to do it but you do it anyway for the sake of the game, you know first set is hardest and you want to get it out of the way.

    This time was different. Usually I hesitate a lot and we give eachother challenges to approach. Now I just casually spoke to some girls standing nearby. I did my usual stuff where I ask if they know a good party today. They didn't speak dutch so repeated my question in English which they then answered. I guessed they were from Spain (as transition) but they actually were from Italy. They weren't really open to conversation I had the feeling. I could have plowed more but when I do that I always feel needy. You're trying to continue the conversation at all costs and don't show a willingness to walk away. In my experience plowing has never worked, but maybe I don't plow all the way through to a real blowout.. I don't really enjoy doing that unless the girl is particularly bitchy and I want to annoy her. So that was a pretty short warmup set


    Set 2: lonely girl

    Not much was to see in that bar actually and we went to another student bar. This one usually has a lot of hot girls in it. We arrive and I see a guy I know. He's pretty good friends with a friend of mine, the natural who also plays in my football team. I mentioned him in one of my FR's a few months ago. His game isn't super tight but he's the most natural of all my close friends. Anyway, said natural was there as well. We hung out with them for a while, didn't really feel like hardcore opening with them around but.. there was a girl near us, all alone. I felt bad NOT opening her. So i opened with "you're all alone here, where are your friends?". "Yeah my mate is getting beers". From there the conversation flowed naturally, didn't really need to transition, she was holding up her end of the convo quite nice. I switched talking to her and Digits as to not be too needy and she re-established conversation with me a couple of times. IOI's? Not so sure actually. She was alone and she seemed like the kind of girl who would do it to anyone who doesn't smell like rotten fish. At some point the guy friend arrives and she's also occupied with him. We were at one point kind of locked in the group with me, Digits, my natural friend and the other guy i know. I was finding a way to atleast nr close or something but there was no sexual tension, i didn't really hit on her. It was just general fun conversation. Nr close would perhaps have been possible but it would most likely be flakey. So in the end I didn't do it.


    Various girls passing by
    I usually don't open girls passing by cause.. well they're passing by.. it's unlikely to hook sets that are on the move. But now I just opened cause of the joy of opening. There was this drunk girl who almost fell on us and her girl friend. I opened the less hot drunk girl with something like "whoa you're drunk" then i switched to her hotter girl friend "Are you drunk as well?" A little bit more bullshit and then they passed.

    Another one was a pretty hot girl getting ready to leave. As she passed by I said "leaving already?" "Yeah" "aww that's a shame". It really was a shame.

    A girl Digits opened turned to our group and was pretty invested in what he had to say. An AFC who's friends with the other guy i know was in the group as well and he immediatly jumped into the conversation like a chicken sticking it's neck out pecking at a juicy worm. I was standing to the right of the girl and that guy was standing to my right and I was thinking "whoa man, stay calm, be chill". Apparently the girl being there was pretty awesome for him and he was all enthousiastic about it while I was afraid he was fucking it up for Digits cause it seemed to be going pretty well. I don't know how he "lost" it but my instinct says that more was possible, he didn't get the full potential out of that set. He kind of had her isolated right from the beginning.

    Set 3: how's the party going
    Venue change to a less crowded bar. We're chilling at a table and next to us is a 2 set. It wasn't high energy enough for the "how's the party going" opener but I was sufficiently in a winning mentality that I thought I could pull it off. I did pull it off sort of, it wasn't a blowout. My target seemed at least a bit interested but the obstacle wasn't approving. Of course she sees this and makes her tighten up as well. I was locked in against their table so it never got awkward in my mind but the girl seemed shy and wasn't giving me much to work with. I bring Digits to my locked in position and talk to him mostly after that. I should have just turned it sexual or something and gone for the blowout, I keep it way too nice. The bitchy obstacle wasn't gonna let anything happen anyway so might as well go out with a bang and practise being sexual with girls more.

    That's the night. Sucky if you look at the hard facts but I had a lot of fun tonight so I call it a good night.

    The sexual vibe was completely missing though. I kept it social, all i did was being the cool social guy. Which is good but the cool social guy doesn't get laid if he doensn't have a sexual vibe as well. It's not all bad, I need nights like this to compensate the hardcore sarge nights where i do a lot of direct sets and higher blowout rate. These kind of nights are also ideal to incorporate the sarging nights with my nights out with friends. I opened a few girls with my friends around, that's a victory in itself. Today will be a night out with only non community friends. Saturday will be a hardcore sarge night. I've had enough motivational nights it's time to put in some work again and work on my sticking points. My main focus will be going direct and get that sexual vibe going right away, gonna try to explore the outer limits of my comfort zone, escalating faster than I usually do and see what happens. The night will be a success when I manage to do that, even if that means every set was a blowout.
    For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
    Matthew 25:29

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    Quote Originally Posted by retoke View Post
    So i opened with "What's wrong with your friend?"
    I'm not a playa... but I'd have a hard time thinking of a worse opener. Anybody disagree?

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    retoke is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grignir View Post
    I'm not a playa... but I'd have a hard time thinking of a worse opener. Anybody disagree?
    No idea where you pulled that from. I don't remember what the situation was. This was obviously situational and I probably genuinly wanted to know but without knowing the context I can't agree or disagree with you
    For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
    Matthew 25:29

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    retoke is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    I went out with non community friends yesterday. We were with 5 guys and the mood was good, I was pretty drunk but not sloppy drunk.

    We went to a bar and met up with two of my other friends. When I arrived I immediatley started talking to a guy i knew. Some other guy in the group asks how I knew him etc, i was in a very talkative good mood.

    I'll cut to the chase. There were two hot girls in my sight, they were very tall, one a bit taller than me and one about the same height as me. I seem to be attracted to tall girls, i'm not sure if it's really attraction or a "i'll be the main man if i approach one of those tall girls everybody is looking at". I mean, in a bar tall girls stand out. Anyway I approached the one who's about my height. She was standing closest.

    I open direct, instead of adorable, i use "sexy". I introduce and shake her hand. There she says something like "thx but I just want to dance" or something like that. Standard response if they want to be left alone.. but.. there's a but. I immediatly without thinking too much responded to her and I could see from her facial expression and body language that she was doubting about giving me a chance or not. It was a shit test. I failed it. I said "go ahead, dance" with the underlying meaning that i'll do my thing anyway. But of course she closed me out after that. I bought into her frame, it's so weak I see it now. I let her have all the "power". It's not a game or anything where someone has power over another person but the underlying frame is one of supplication, the frame of obeying the woman, doing everything for the girl just because she's hot.

    It all comes down to dominance again. I do not yet have this ingrained. I'm naturally not a very forcefull guy. I generally don't impose my will on others. One of my friends is pretty alpha in this way. I'll rant about him at the bottom of this post cause it's not really relevant for what i'm talking about now. What I should have done with this girl is: "you can dance later, come here" and dominantly turn her to face you head on and mini isolate her and do your thing. I'm sure it would have bought me atleast a little bit of time. My game is not up to par to turn around the situation so probably still wouldn't have had any results with her but that's how you learn. This little thing can mean the difference between. "I'm not uninterested let's see what this guy got.. wow he's actually pretty cool" and "I'm not uninterested let's see... oh, he's not really dominant, never mind".





    About the friend. He's not good with girls but he has a few alpha traits like that. For instance if we're deciding what to do, playing poker or playing a game he will impose his will on others. Not in the way of "we'll do that and that's final" but more like if someone objects he'll go: "Why not? You'd rather do nothing? Doing nothing can't possibly be more fun. Come on let's play" and then he grabs the box as if you agreed to it while you haven't said anything yet. You get the picture. He keeps on going and he will make a fuss about it if you don't agree. Another example is earlier yesterday he invited everybody at his place at around 8pm but I said I'd be there later cause I had to go to the gym first. Instead of accepting that, he was trying to convince me not to go. Not once but at least 4 different times. Instead of letting it go he kept pushing it. I respond with "i only went once this week and i have to go twice at least". His response is "why? It doesn't matter once or twice, if you miss it once it won't matter". Which is true in a sense, it won't matter much missing it once but that's not the point. Once will become twice and so on. It's one of my goals to go to the gym twice per week and I cannot slack on my goals it's very important to me, just like pick up. Of course I can't explain it to him like that, he wouldn't understand.

    He pushes hard on some things, of course the harder he pushes the less I feel like giving in, even if i was contemplating it before. That approach does not work on me cause i'll just not give in for the sake of not giving in if he pushes too hard. It might have worked in the past but I refuse to give in to that stuff anymore. If you don't give in he'll give you a "hard time" about it and be a bit pissed off about it afterwards to make you feel bad. That's the most annoying of it all. He can really ruin the mood that way. If you ask him why he's mad he'll deny that he's mad. He'd rather ruin the mood for a stupid thing like that than to just let it go. He's emotionally blackmailing you. It doesn't ruin the entire evening or anything, 5 minutes later it's ok again but for me it's a state break. His emotional blackmail works cause I feel bad inside when I KNOW i'm right. Frankly this behaviour is starting to piss me off. I have this with people I spend a lot of time with and know for several years. They come too close to me, invade my personal space too much and then start to piss me off which makes me "avoid" them most of the time.

    It happened in the past with a close friend when I was 13-14 years old, he constantly called me to play football while sometimes I just wanted to chill at home. I'm not an asocial guy that i'd rather be alone at home than in the company of others but if you're constantly hanging out with the same person and do the same stuff over and over again it becomes very boring very fast. I'd rather be at home doing whatever than to do that again.

    Back to the present. I didn't agree to live with my pal in the same house when he offered (with a couple of other friends) and it's because of that behaviour, he'd want to do stuff constantly and if I don't feel like it give me a hard time about it. He doesn't see it but I'm sure it would ruin our friendship. By this description he comes off as an asshole but generally he's a good guy and I enjoy his company most of the time, he's my best friend in the sense that I spend the most time with him. But he wants to spend too much time together. He has a gf and everything and I'm glad he does else it would be even worse. I'm trying to spend less time with him cause I want to slowly get more detached from him. He's not really a social connector. He knows no HB's whatsoever, most of my current social circle is built around my friendship with him so I don't want to ditch him or anything. Don't get me wrong, i don't want to ditch him also because he generally is a good friend but I do want to become less attached so I have more time to build a social circle with HB's in it for instance. This is becoming a rant but it means I've been struggeling with this for a while. I could keep on writing about this. One of the reasons I haven't taken up a hobby with girls in yet to build that circle is because of him. He wouldn't understand why I'm doing it and it would mean spending less time with him and he would give me a hard time about it.

    I do see he accepts flakey behaviour from others more than from me, cause he's used to others doing that. He still gives them a hard time about them from time to time but not as hard as me, or maybe that's just a feeling, but I think it's because he spends the most time with me that it's that way. This is why I want to spend less time with him so he'll start to accept more flakiness on my part, and so I can really start doing my thing, building that circle and get a real grip on my life.

    Another example of the behaviour of my friend: If he invites a bunch of people to do something by mail or something or in person and you say "I can't come". He'll go "why? what are you doing instead?" instead of just accepting the fact that you're not coming and take a hint. The other guys I know never ask me why and it's much much more easygoing. I don't know why he asks and wants to know why all the time. For some reason you can't come or don't want to come and that should be enough. He will try to convince you with logic for coming which of course doesn't work cause you made up your mind already. I sometimes ask "why?" too if someone can't come but that's more out of an interest in their activities, i won't try to convince them otherwise. He just asks so he can try to come up with arguements why you should come.

    What can I do about this? Try to limit the contact somehow without offending him. Come up with legitimate reasons not to "attend the activities" so often.
    For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
    Matthew 25:29

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