Day Game SNL with HB9 after approach cock-up... "If you don't try...."

Day Game SNL with HB9 after approach cock-up... "If you don't try...."

I am not normally one for publicizing my in-field experiences - however, when I discussed this particular case with Soul , he urged me to write about it as we agreed that some of the lessons would be useful for people who are still in the early stages and still being significantly held back by fear of approach or "approach anxiety ".

I say "significantly" held back by approach anxiety , since the experience is normal and should even be enjoyed as part of the "rush" of the game. However, if you find yourself more often than not paralysed by fear such that you make up excuses and take no action, you may want to read on because it is a story that ended very well but began pretty badly - the lesson being this: if you don't approach, you are only guaranteed to get NOTHING - if you do approach, you are guaranteed to get SOMETHING - it could be as little as getting feedback on how to improve the next approach or as significant as sleeping with the woman of your dreams....

Neil Strauss (a.k.a. Style) recently quoted Wayne Gretzky, a Canadian hockey player, as saying "you miss 100 percent of the shots you never take" - kind of obvious, and yet isn't that what we do every time we make up some excuse for not opening a set? "I'm late" or "she looks busy" or "she's with someone" or "I'm on my bike" - whatever the excuse, just cut the crap and just approach - and be sure of one thing - that if you don't approach, you will probably never get a second shot (except within your social circle , in which case caution is definitely wise - please refer to Braddock and Mr M 's excellent postings for more about Social Circle Mastery ).

In this case, I made a Day Game approach - however, as you will see, my approach was done in a hurry and actually ended badly - and yet, I still ended up sleeping with this HB9 after a couple of months of relatively low effort email game. This is why I decided to write this as a field report - since it is a good example of how you have everything to gain by approaching every time you see an attractive woman. Bottom line, this is a numbers game - by which I don't mean that you approach 100 women and hope to get a number (though that may be a good place to start if you are just getting going), but that you should be screening for quality women that meet your standards and you need, therefore, to get comfortable approaching lots of women to filter OUT those that do not fit your criteria.

And even when you find someone that fits your criteria, don't get hung up on just one woman - there is a possibility that she will flake on you, or that you might find her less attractive as you get to know her better - and during all this time, you will lose out on countless other opportunities that pass you by. And one further very important reason to not focus on one woman too early is that not only can women sense it when a guy that has options (a form of social proof / pre-selection that makes you much more attractive), but it also makes you feel more calm and relaxed, almost nonchalant, and this helps you to naturally structure your game in a way that works in your favour - not because you are super-analysing every interaction, but because you genuinely aren't worried about the outcome because you know there are so many other women you can go out with.

Use Hopper-theory to gain a mindset of abundance

I have a group of wingmen I go out with regularly in Philadelphia and we use the paintball "hopper" analogy when we go out. We don't necessarily aim to bring a woman back the same night, but we do always aim to add women to our "hopper" or our "pipeline" - a list of quality women we can invite to go out in the evenings. I will aim to have 6-8 quality women in my hopper at any one time (any more for me is tough to manage time-wise...) - I will then line up different evenings with different women depending on what I have planned - I know some women like classical music, others are more into dancing or theatre, etc. This then allows me to plan around an event, not around the woman - which is a natural disqualification mechanism. I will invite a woman from my hopper and, if she cannot make it, I simply go down the list. And since I do a lot of Day Game , I am able to constantly refresh and "upgrade" my hopper with higher and higher quality women - those that I do not find interesting or fun simply drop out and I stop calling them or inviting them out.

So in this case, even though the email game described below stretches over almost 2 months, this was just one of many women I was pursuing and was by no means my focus during this time - this gave my game a natural air of abundance - demonstrating that I am comfortable interacting with beautiful women and am not bothered either way about pushing for a date... The fact that I did not over-reach and look needy sub-communicated strong confidence which is a key attraction switch - I did not even bother to ask for her cellphone number until the night we met up almost two months after my first approach.

I have written the story below in chronological order so you can see the timings in between each interaction and who did or did not respond to whom and I have analysed the actual text from our email interactions using the framework of the Emotional Progression Model and the Love Systems Triad to show what is happening:



September 29:

I was late for a class on campus around 8 weeks back when I suddenly noticed an absolutely beautiful woman - I would say a 9 - around 5'8" tall with long golden hair, an angelic face, elegantly dressed and sexy long legs - she was handing out flyers for a theatre / playhouse she was promoting and was like an apparition on an otherwise dull and dreary campus pathway. Because I was late, I hesitated...but with every metre that passed between us, I realized I would seriously regret not approaching and decided I just HAD to approach...

I had my bicycle with me and, as I wheeled it closer, I realised that she was even more beautiful than I had previously thought and I felt that familiar rush of anxiety grip me in the stomach - a familiar feeling which, after so many approaches which have often led to wonderfully unique experiences, is now mixed with positive emotions of excitement and anticipation of what may be about to happen.

I pulled off my bicycle helmet and, holding my helmet and cellphone in one hand and my bike in the other, I delivered my standard direct opener (with a GENUINE Time Constraint thrown in...) "Hi there - this is going to make me REALLY late, but I saw you standing there just now and just had to come over and tell you that you are [pause] absolutely [pause] beautiful - and I would have kicked myself if I did not come over and introduce myself". She beamed at me - her smile indicating that she was genuinely flattered - and we chatted for a while. She told me that her father is ethnically Czech and her mother Japanese, which is an extremely interesting combination for me due to my interest in and previous studies of both East Asia and Eastern Europe. However, I really was late so had to exit fast...

I was organising a party that weekend to raise money for charity in a club in downtown Philadelphia, so I told her that she had to come and should give me her email address so that I could send her an invitation - she said that would be great and wrote down her email address.

This is where it began to fall apart... Besides not having had time to build much attraction or to qualify her in any way, I then needed to turn my bicycle around to go to class - but with my hemet, my cellphone and now her flyer in one hand, my bicycle in the other and the "rush hour" of students on the path headed to and from class, I was having a really hard time turning the bicycle around against the flood of people coming against me. All this time, I could feel her looking at me, thinking "this guy is having some serious trouble doing something really simple"... I could feel my value leaking away with every passing second and then, just to top things off, I managed to drop my helmet, cellphone and her flyer just a couple of metres from her...meaning I had to do another awkward maneuver and bend down to pick everything up - demonstration of value now = 0.

GAME OVER...is what I was thinking...damn it, she was cute....

I was completely deflated as I walked into my class and annoyed at myself for messing up what looked to have real potential....Nonetheless, since I had nothing to lose, I decided to try to recover with my first email. My strategy was:

Attraction (humour): I addressed the embarassing situation head on with light humour	"Dear S, Despite my managing to drop all my stuff after getting your email and looking like a complete wally, I hope it won't put you off coming by on Friday night...
Attraction (disqualification): to disqualify myself - I used a 'creepy guy' routine:	Hope to see you on Friday - if you don't come I may have to come stalk you at the Kimmel Center - so you have been warned "

My strategy paid off and she came back almost immediately that afternoon:

“Hi! Don't be embarrassed about dropping everything; if it had been me, I would have fallen off the bike on top of everything. This party looks like it will be fantastic, but the moment after you biked away I remembered (to my chagrin) that I'd be in Miami by then. I'm visiting my brother down there for several days starting Thursday. C'est la vie, non? I am very disappointed, nonetheless. Perhaps you will have to come to one of my plays after all (though I will actually only be working at a few), or host another party, in any case. It was lovely meeting you; I think you were the only person who came up to speak to me instead of grabbing a brochure out of my hand without so much as a glance. I hope to see you sooner than later. Good luck with the marathon. Ciao ~ Yours, S.”

GAME BACK ON!

September 30:

I wait a day then respond with:

Attraction (disqualification): through my stalker routine:	"Interesting - so you're into stalkers huh? You may regret piquing my interest...!
Attraction (challenge / humour): by teasing her about her language, I am showing that I value women that are intelligent - I also insert a reference to a famous Czech author (that also writes in French), Milan Kundera, that I can use for callback humour at a later stage	Nice use of the word "chagrin" - that's not a word I hear Americans use a lot - that, together with a sprinkling of French, must be the Milan Kundera in you…
Attraction (disqualification / social proof / pre-selection): I joke that I might be gay to counter the fact that I want to attend one of her plays - I am also showing that I have a rich social circle and I am comfortable hanging out with women:	Seriously though - I have a group of friends - mainly female (sometimes I think I just might be gay) - who I go to Philadelphia Orchestra concerts with - let me know when you guys are performing and I will bring them along to support you - we all live in Centre City anyhow, so it is an easy walk to the theatre…"

…NO RESPONSE….GAME OVER??

October 8 (after waiting a week):

I decide to follow up with another casual email:

Attraction (social proof/status/wealth): showing that I travel and have lots of friends	"Hey S, How was Miami? Hope you had fun...! I am off to Vegas in the morning - long weekend with friends - should be fun.
Attraction (callback humour):	After that - will be enrolling in a stalker bootcamp in Utah to learn the full range of stalking techniques so that I can be at my best the next time we meet...
Logistics: I try to sound out the theatre options that I could go for with my friends	I saw a couple of events at the theatre that sound good 1) blah blah; 2) blah blah - which of these do you recommend?"

She then replies the same day (on Oct 8):

"A long weekend in Las Vegas sounds like it will be a lot of fun! I've never been, so you'll have to tell me all about it. Oh, and stalker bootcamp? In Utah, no less---hmmmm. Who knew? Though you've probably already broken a stalker rule by telling me it exists, haha. I await to evaluate your skills with great anticipation. Miami was a palm-tree-dotted, clear-watered paradise. Spent my days in the sun, enjoying a pleasant view of art deco hotels lining the shore against a brilliant blue sky. It was great seeing my brother as well. [She recommends one of the plays I asked about] P.S. It's funny that you mentioned Milan Kundera in your last note, as The Unbearable Lightness of Being helped influence my decision to study abroad in Prague and attempt to become more in tune with my Czechness, hah. (Only slightly successful)."

BULLSEYE! GAME BACK ON!

I flick one back:

Attraction (disqualification/humour):	"Thanks for the tips on the two plays - this is great - I will email my classical music girl-group and see what people prefer...
Escalation / Attraction (social proof/status): I then ask her if she is on Facebook so that I can share photos from the party she missed – I use FB as a source of Social Proof so women can see I have an active life with lots of friends and travel.	"P was good - we raised around $3000 and have just made our $6500 target - which is great news! Are you on Facebook? If so, add me and I can share some of the photos - there are some fun ones...
Attraction (challenge): I throw in a little challenge by comparing two authors, showing that I am well-read and have standards, but still like the same author (which I really do)	Milan Kundera is one of my all-time favourite authors - he is almost as good as Bruce Chatwin - My favourite is the Book of Laughter and Forgetting..."

October 18

I then went to the play with my friends and met S and one of her friends there (it turns out her friend is in the same graduate programme as me, which is good for social proof / comfort – I keep a very discreet profile when it comes to women in my school, so this is good for me) – by luck, we managed to sit together in the front row which was great for generating sexual tension plus allowing us to whisper together about the actors and their performance. I then followed up with a quick thank you / no-agenda email: “It was great hanging out with you guys today – I still keep thinking about Mr F’s trousers being too short and that little thread hanging off his left ankle waiting to be tugged free – that together with his odd humming-accompaniment made him one of the cutest / cuddliest actors I have seen for a while!”

We then both got busy and both were doing a lot of travelling – but I kept up the momentum by inviting her to a number of cultural activities that came my way that a) I knew she would enjoy given her liberal arts education and b) that showed me to be fun and different and c) that showed that I had lots of friends. However, I only sent her emails when I had something relevant on – demonstrating that I had a rich social life and she was by no means someone I was depending on for fun:

OCTOBER 22

I forwarded a casual email inviting her to join me and some friends to watch a French film where the director himself would be available for questions after the show:

Attraction (humour / challenge): callback humour with the Czech author again..and by forwarding an email from friends, I look popular… Qualification: by challenging her level of French

"...sounds up your street, Ms Kundera! Is your French up to it??"

Unfortunately, she could not make it – she was travelling...I am beginning to wonder at this stage if she is actually interested in me or just being polite.. :-(

"How right you are -- TOTALLY would go and see this if I wasn't going to be in Ohio. I always seem to be no where near Philly when anything particularly worthwhile happens in this city, hah. I'm sure I will see you relatively soon, but in the meantime you'll have to tell me about this French film, if you end up going. Ciao ~"

NOV 6 (over two weeks later)

Having not contacted her for a couple of weeks (I was genuinely busy), I then invited her and her friend (who is in my graduate programme) to attend a comedy show:

Attraction (status/social proof): referencing my own performance as a stand-up comedian	"...Hey guys, a bunch of us who do stand up at school are heading down to the H Comedy Club later tonight to see JF
Attraction (humour / social intruition): a joke about comedy being low-brow and a casual invitation makes it easy for them not to come – making it socially comfortable for all concerned:	This is probably a little too low-brow for you two high class theatrical officionados, but let us know if you want to join… :-)"

Unfortunately, she could not make it again – she was travelling.. L

GAME OVER??

No - she wrote back almost immediately to say:

"Seriously, every time something is going on I'm out of town, hah. This time it's off to DC at 4pm until Sunday. Otherwise I would love to go to H...one of my friend's does stand up here and NYC and I loved going to his shows. What are you up to next weekend? Maybe we can get together and hang out then?"

GAME TRULY ON! Now I know that she is keen to meet up. My hard work is about to pay off… I cannot make the following weekend, which is good – shows I am a busy social guy, who is not about to cancel stuff for the sake of a date, but I suggest that the following weekend might work:

Attraction (status/social proof): I tell her where I am travelling – part domestic, part international and show that I already have activities lined up for the following weekend	"I cannot do next weekend - I will be in New York and Toronto - the weekend after I have a couple of events on both Fri 20 and Sat 21 in NYC, but still not sure if I will go
Attraction (challenging/confidence): I don’t lunge for the date, but suggest keeping it loose until nearer the time	let's touch base nearer the time
Logistics: since I now know that this is game on, I try to feel out logistics since I don’t have school from Thursday to Sunday so I have Wed-Sat nights available for dates, but don’t like to take women out on a week night if they need to be up early the next day: I ask “Do you work on Fridays?”	Do you work on Fridays?"

…no response….but I am not too worried at this stage – since we have already established clear indicators of interest on both our parts, so I just leave it…and wait until nearer the time…

NOV 17 (Tuesday)

I follow up with a casual email to sound out the upcoming weekend:

Attraction (social proof / social intuition): I keep my movements very casual, demonstrating that I am a social guy who is not depending on her for a 'date' and I deliberately avoid dinner and also make it easier for her to come out by suggesting she brings her friend to keep it relaxed and un-date-like

"Looks like I won't be going to NYC on Friday - I will probably be out and about during the evening - if you are in town let me know and we can grab a drink... let's get C out too..."

…she comes back immediately with:

"Hey stranger, I'm going to a concert (non-classical, thank you very much) this Friday around 8pm, but I would love to meet up afterwards. Let me know your plans, and I will definitely give C a call."

…perfect!

At this point, I ask her for her cellphone for the first time in some 7 weeks since I have known her. Even though I have seen it on Facebook, I have deliberately avoided using it or confirming it since this could make me look creepy – instead I am a social guy who has lots going on and this woman, despite being very beautiful, is by no means someone that I am going to change my life for:

Attraction (pre-selection/confidence): by keeping it casual, I show that I am still not excited by her beauty or prepared to go out of my way to entertain her...

"Let me text you on Friday with where we will be - I got your cell from FB - +1 (xx5) xxx - is this right? I'll let you contact C...See you Friday..."

At this stage, I still have not decided what to do that evening – logistics is key here – I need to choose carefully since I need to continue the theme of me being the social guy…but at the same time, I don’t want to overwhelm her with a crowd of drunken students that could spoil my game… However, I am kind of obligated to attend a school Karaoke event in a Japanese restaurant which could be very good or very bad…I am nervous.

NOV 19 (Thursday)

I decide to innoculate the KTV situation ahead of time and send S and her friend a heads up email (by including her friends, I am also disqualifying myself by making it more of a casual meet up than a date):

Qualification: I show that I like Karaoke and that they need to like it too otherwise it is over. I have enough attraction at this stage, so this is fairly safe.

"Hey guys - just wanted to warn you that I may be in a Karaoke party when you are done with your concerts, etc tomorrow night... I hope you like Karaoke... I may not be able to hang with you guys anymore if you don't! It is one of my favourite things in the world - despite my inability to sing..!"

NOV 20 (Friday):

On the evening itself, S calls me when she gets out of her concert and tells me she will head over after stopping by her friend’s place – she also mentions she is with someone – which sets off a few alarm bells…(is it a guy?) but I ignore it and just say “cool” and tell her to call me if she cannot find the Karaoke place.

She turns up a little later than I expected but, by this time, I am launching myself into a rendition of Rod Stewart’s “Maggie May” that my mates all love to hear me sing (I’m not a good singer, but it has become a kind of signature song for me…). This is good for social proof – when I turn round at the end of the song, I see she is there with her girlfriend (the one who is my classmate and who I met at the play previously). She looks absolutely beautiful – I go over to say hi – making a point to kiss her friend first to further disqualify myself.

She then introduces me to her other friend – a decent-looking guy – I cannot know at this stage what their relationship is, but it doesn’t matter anyhow – he is a potential obstacle and I know I need to get him onside whatever the relationship – I welcome him in and invite him to sing with me. As it turned out, he was an awesome guy and I really enjoyed hanging with him – he is also a musician and knows a bunch of British songs, so he had a lot of fun too choosing his favourites then banging them out at the top of his voice.

At this early stage, I had to play things carefully – on the one hand, I needed to not pay S too much attention since that could sub-communicate low value and neediness, but equally I needed to get her engaged and having fun (I also had to deal with a couple of my classmates who did not know I had invited her and were starting to hit on her!). I introduced her to my friends which added to my social proof and was an excuse to move her around (compliance and physical escalation) and got her to do some singing which was good since it allowed me to touch her more and get her adrenalin going.

We then bounced to an underground dance club in Philadelphia that happens once a month. We took a cab there - I sat in the front while she and her two friends sat in the back and I made a point of chatting animatedly with the cab driver - an Israeli Arab from Jerusalem, a place I have travelled to some years ago, so I was able to discuss history and politics with him, demonstrating conversational dominance and also high value through discussion of the places I had travelled to and the historical knowledge I was able to share – by having the discussion with a third party that S could overhear, it was a lot more powerful than if I told her directly myself.

At the dance club, there were a lot of my classmates which worked well because a lot of people came up to me to say hi – adding further to my social proof.

At this stage I needed to escalate S physically to test her relationship with her guy friend – I could already detect that she was probably just friends with him, so grabbed her by the hand and said “let’s dance”. There was not only no resistance but she seemed pretty keen which the first major indicator of interest. I then started to escalate on the dance floor by touching her then moving her around – not exactly great dance moves, but great for compliance testing and physical escalation…

I then pulled her off the dance floor and did some shots with her and her guy friend – he was still very friendly, so it was now clear that he was no longer an obstacle – the only issue at this stage was the logistics of how to extract her to my apartment at the end of the evening that did not embarrass her in front of her friends – I needed to work on that...

We then went back to the dance floor and escalated further – I began gradually dancing with my legs in between hers - with my thigh rubbing against her vagina – 2 things:

1. I did not do it for too long at a time otherwise I would come off as the creepy guy who gets off on this alone…plus you don’t want to get her too excited before you get her back to your apartment (unless you are going for a shag in the bathroom), otherwise she may feel guilty (for being slutty in front of her friends) and get buyer's remorse and you may never see her again...
2. I smiled a lot and looked her in the eye every so often to re-assure her that this was completely normal and that we were having fun.

It is vitally important that you look as comfortable as possible when escalating like this – remember that a woman is very sensitive about looking like or feeling like a slut when she is with a guy for the first time, so you must not only make it look like this is completely normal but also that you don’t judge her in any way for going with it.

After another round of shots, I knew that the club would be closing soon so I needed to kiss her quickly to confirm the direction of the evening for both of us. I took her to the back of the dance floor behind a column (so that her friends could not see us) and after a bit more dancing, started to smell her hair and tell her how good she smelled while pulling gently on the hair at the back of her head. This is not only a small compliance test before going in for the kiss, but also builds the sexual tension since she is not sure when you will actually start to kiss her. We kissed for a while with me always pulling away first (important for the push-pull factor) and saying things like “stop it – you’re driving me fucking crazy” to add a little extra tension for her – keeping her guessing as to whether or not I really would invite her back to my apartment.

By this stage, it was clear we both wanted to go home together but the logistics of making that happen were not entirely clear. I chatted to her girlfriend to understand where S was expected to go that night. The good news was that her parents expected her to stay at her friend’s but I still wasn’t sure how easily I could take her home in front of her friends.

In the end, it was not an issue, we bounced to one more club, then a 24-hour breakfast joint in central Philadelphia then her girlfriend headed home and left S and the guy friend with me. The guy friend was completely onside by this stage and came back to my apartment to use the bathroom then happily went home leaving S alone with me in my apartment – I still said that I would walk her back to her girlfriend’s apartment as a face-saving gesture (a sign of social intuition, a key attraction switch).

We then had a great night together – we ended up making love for some time, then lay on my bed and talked for hours about family, friends and our lives in general while listening to different music on Youtube.

In the morning, I walked her to her girlfriend’s apartment and kissed her goodbye then followed up with a humourous text a few hours later telling her I had had a good time and wished her a great weekend. This closure is key since it sub-communicates a couple of things:

1. I am a guy who is comfortable having sex with women for fun and not getting hung up or needy about it afterwards or, worse, ignoring them and making them feel like shit afterwards
2. I am not expecting to see her again but my door is always open because I genuinely had a great time.

I followed up with an email around 3 days later in the same vein – wishing her a happy thanksgiving – but with no agenda, so it sub-communicated the same relaxed comfort -building emotions that leave a woman feeling good about the experience, as they should – in the game of love, everyone should be having fun. :-)

NOV 23 (Monday)

From me:

"Hey gorgeous, Chatted with J [her guy friend] last night on FB - I love this guy - he is absolutely crazy - but LOTS of fun!! I am heading to Nashville on Thursday so just wanted to wish you a happy Thanksgiving...have a great weekend!"

S responded almost immediately with:

"I'm glad you are putting up with J and his craziness quite well, though it's all in good fun; he's quite a hilarious individual. I just got back from seeing An Education, with a friend. Have you seen this film? LOVE IT. Slightly obsessed, actually. Have a lovely Thanksgiving--I cannot wait to stuff my face. Have a wonderful weekend and talk/see you soon I hope. S"

Summary / Conclusion:

Some of the reasons I think this worked despite the poor start are:

• The original approach was direct which, despite the cock-up straight after, still communicated huge confidence, courage, masculinity, etc. and was enough to keep her interested and engage me in an email dialogue
• “Hopper” theory: S was but one lady in my pipeline – as a result, I was not overly hung up on sleeping with her over other women – this helped keep my inner game strong and was almost certainly clear to S on some level – making me more appear more attractive (a kind of social proof, since a guy that has options must have something going for him..)
• Social Proof: such as always meeting her when I was surrounded by good friends who I love and who love me, many of whom are female or letting her know that I perform occasionally as a stand-up comedian
• Humour: I used a lot of humour and teasing to joke about myself and her, e.g. about me being gay or a stalker or about her language skills, etc.
• Disqualification: I constantly disqualified myself as potentially gay, being a stalker/creepy guy, etc. which kept her guessing and made me look like someone who is comfortable joking around with beautiful women
• Qualification: I constantly threw qualifying challenges at her, e.g. teasing her about her language skills or inferring that one of her favourite authors is not as good as one of mine or insisting that she had to like Karaoke to hang out with me…
• Social Intuition: by engaging with confidence with other males or telling her friend that I will walk her home rather than infer that she will stay over in my apartment or by taking her to the back of the dance floor so we can kiss without her friends seeing…
• Gaming obstacles: winning over the obstacles is key to winning over your target. Not only does this demonstrate your social intuition, a key attraction switch, but your obstacles can very easily interfere with your game if they don’t like you and significantly help your game if they do…
• Status / Wealth: my communications with both her and others in front of her (e.g. the cab driver) always lay small clues to my lifestyle in which I travel a lot and clearly have had a wide variety of experiences, e.g. trips to Vegas, Toronto, Jerusalem, etc.
• Physical Escalation: the chances of a woman coming home with you to have sex if you have not touched her all evening are next to zero, so you have to gradually escalate your touch so that it feels normal and so that it builds tension – making the woman want to experience more…
• Logistics: I made sure I understood where she was expected to go at the end of the night – if her parents had been expecting her to go home then I would have had my work cut out to get her to come home with me – you need to understand the lay of the land before you begin your journey – logistics are crucial…
• Follow-up text / email: this is really important if you want a woman to remember you fondly and to keep the door open to sleeping with you again – if she had fun and you made her feel good afterwards, then there is a good chance that she will want to see you again

Update on Dec 5: just arranged today to see her next weekend... :-)


I hope this posting was useful – if anyone has any questions or comments, please feel free to post below.

Just remember, you miss 100 percent of the shots you never take!

Keep approaching and keep having fun – the more you approach, the more fun you have - guaranteed!

C. :-)

Awesome post buddy! Thanks for taking the time to write this up.

I like how you treated the hb well throughout, you haven't needed to be an asshole to lower her value.

My only hesitation is the stalker routine, arent you supposed to avoid any creepy talk?

Disqualification through the stalker routine...

Great question, Lifedreamer.

This is my version of the "Creepy Guy" routine that I got from the Don (where you are the guy who lives with your parents and will call the girl 100 times a day, etc.). It works well precisely because it is so extreme - it is obviously not true - yet what kind of guy would pretend to be a stalker if he wanted to sleep with a hot girl? It is a very powerful disqualifier.

Besides disqualification, it serves as callback humour for the future - in my most recent exchange with her, she told me her car had been broken into - twice in 2 days no less! I opened my email response with:

Me: ":-( What’s going on?? Sounds like some of my fellow stalkers have got their sights on you – let me look 'em up on Stalkbook and tell them you are off limits... " (I then showed my genuine concern with "Seriously...you have been a little unlucky I must admit...")

This is still fun for her - hence her response "P.S. Tell your stalkers to leave me alone. Ruining my car = totally unnecessary."

I used a reverse version of this last night with a street approach - after a few minutes, the girl asked me for my number:

Her: "Give me your number and we can hang out sometime"

...and instead of whipping out my phone and saying "ok, ok - give me yours too...", I say:

Me: "...well I don't know if I should give you my number - how do I know you aren't a crazy stalker and you're going to start following me everywhere...?"

This is both a form of disqualification (showing that you are not pursuing her) and qualification (showing you have high value - a guy that has standards and is accustomed to having beautiful women around him - so you make her qualify herself as coming up to your standards) ... and the push-pull effect just builds stronger attraction. Afterwards, she texted me about 10 times pushing for my full name to add me on Facebook - i made her work for it - at the end she writes "I f***ing love sexy Carbeau [I told her to write 'Sexy Carbeau' in her phone]. I will contact u through facebook shortly!!! Xoxo."

Remember that it needs to be extreme...you would not be able to say "give me your number and maybe i can follow you around sometimes..." - that really would be creepy, since it could be true...

I hope this makes sense.

great stuff... if you're a good-looking college student with lots of friends and a seemingly never-ending travelling agenda that might give President Obama himself a run for his money.

..grats nonetheless; czech and japanese you say...man I bet she was astoundingly hot.

Social value is highly attractive to women

Hi Shadow8017,

The fact that you are on this forum would indicate that you should know at the very least that looks (which most of us instructors don't have!) is one of the least important aspects that we teach - being clean and well-dressed helps - but even that is not essential.

...and being a college student is a negative from a social value perspective for most HBs...(lack of wealth, status, etc.)

However, your observation about travel and friends is spot-on - in so far as social value / social proof is highly attractive to women - therefore there are of course huge benefits to being a Love Systems Instructor and travelling to cool cities all around the world - you get instant recognition of social value through the assumption of wealth and a strong social life... :-)

However, it is BS to think that you NEED to be a Love Systems instructor, a billionaire or whatever other excuse you want to make up for either sub-communicating or actually having a crap social life.

What many people fail to realise is that they either have excellent examples of social value that they fail to capitalise on or they fail to create the kind of life that will attract beautiful women (and that brings pleasure in and of itself...).

For example, just be aware of your language when you speak with a woman (or even a man in fact) - if you are discussing logistics to meet up, you could say:

"I have nothing going on for the next four weeks. When are you free?" which sub-communicates that you are a guy with no friends and probably not much fun to hang out with....

or

"I have a bunch of things going on over the next month, but I am planning to be in town the weekend after next. I am organising a get-together for a bunch of friends - you and your mates should join us..." - which sub-communicates:

a) You have a cool, busy social life
b) You travel (your plan to be in town suggests that you are more-often-than-not out of town...)
c) You CREATE your social life and are a SOURCE of fun - you don't depend on others for your fun
d) You are socially intuitive enough to invite her friends and won't invite her on one of those potentially awkward 'dates'...

...and no matter how crap your social life is, nothing you said should be untrue...i.e.:

- "a bunch of things" could include brushing your teeth every night and catching the bus to work every day (you obviously don't tell her that!)
- "planning to be in town the weekend after next" is true even if you actually planned to be in town for the entire month!
- "organising a get-together for a bunch of friends" is true as soon as you invite more than 1 other person to join you down the pub for a drink - you don't even have to organise it until she suggests she can meet you - but you should anyway, coz jack gets very dull at home and it is more attractive and fun to have a real social life than one you keep making up

And yes - she is smoking...that's why i am seeing her again next Saturday.

C.

Wow, that's presistence right there! Awesome job Carbeu. I just have one more question if you don't mind (no worries if i don't get an answer, you're obviously a busy guy). Anyway, i'm a college student myself (19 year old) studying in NYC and unfortunately for me i'm a commuter and i've found it really hard to build up a social circle (specially in the school i am which has the most boring people).

Now don't get me wrong, i'm a very social guy, had tons of friends in Mexico, i'm very easy going, and i always meet someone new whenever i go out to a bar (with my cousins aka my social circle lol). Is there an alternative to daygaming with no social circle ? Is it possible to meet women during the daytime when you don't really have tons of parties and events going on for yourself?

Note: Whenever i get number i completely avoid showing a frame of a guy that has no social life. For example, i got a number from a HB Swedish on thrusday, we texted thursday and friday and avoided texting her for the weekend following up with a text that said "oopps sorry wrong [her name]"

Originally Posted by Marbles12

"Is it possible to meet women during the daytime when you don't really have tons of parties and events going on for yourself?"

Hi Marbles12,

Absolutely - there are NO hard and fast rules in this game, so you can definitely have a lot of fun without a social circle / parties / events - just invite her out for a coffee or a drink, escalate physically after building enough attraction and comfort , then go back to her apartment (since your apartment appears to be in the boonies)...no need for any friends to be involved - unless you are into that of course... ;-)

You just have to be wary of your (sub-)communication...i.e. if a girl told you that she had been living in New York for 2 years and had no friends - no matter how far the commute - you would probably not be too impressed, right?

So again, you don't have to invite the girl to join you and your cool circle of friends all the time, but you should still do your best to infer that you are a cool and social guy. Make reference to your friends - hopefully you have friends outside of Mexico - but even if you don't, just don't bring it to her attention by saying "another of my friends in Mexico does this...", "another of my friends in Mexico does that...", etc...just say something like "a friend of mine, she...."

If you read any of Braddock and Mr M 's postings or go to their trainings, they talk a lot about "thin-slicing" (from Malcolm Gladwell's book, "Blink") - how people make huge assumptions based on wafer-thin information. Whether or not this is right or fair is not important, just be aware of it and try to control which pieces of wafer-thin information women receive from you...this, at least, is completely within your control...

Having said all that - why can't you make "tons of parties and events going on for yourself"? Cool things don't always cost money - look on the internet for cool stuff - especially in New York of all places for pete's sake - there must be a million cool and free things going on every day... i don't know New York well, but there must be art galleries that are free or bars where they have live music and no cover....??

I am not saying it is easy - it was something I had to work at myself - but once i did, I created such an awesome social life that it didn't even matter if a girl I had invited even showed up - which is great from an inner game perspective - i.e. "I'm a cool guy having a cool time - if you come, you come, if not, I don't really care - i'm having a great time anyhow and there are always beautiful women in fun places that can replace you..." :-)

I hope this helps...

C.

Day Gaming without a social circle ...

1

Guys, especially when they're getting started in Love Systems , love reading field reports.

A lot of instructors spend so much time either working on their teachings, how they can help guys better, or managing the women in their life that writing up detailed accounts of every woman we meet can be demanding of time.

So lap up every detail of Carbeau's report while you can! As said, we don't always have time to get so detailed with these, so now is a great opportunity to pick his brains on it.

Great post, I loved the dedication, I would have given up at some point.

Question though, your post made me think of a blonde girl I know who is also a 9. I met her with friends at her work, a coffee shop. We chatted for a bit. We all go to school together (she is a year younger) and I was the only one she said she recognizes. IOI?

Another day at school she was checking me out I'm pretty sure.

Finally, I was in her coffee place last week with 3 HB's (9,8,7) and she saw me. So she knows I have value.

I added her on facebook and she accepted. Im planning on writing in a message to her

"I'll have a medium coffee with single milk and single sugar please :P"

Is that good, or should I add something?

(Also, I don't have oneitis, I have one consistent FB, but looking to expand)