Time for my yearly winter-time reflection. Not much else to do here in the tundra.
Cedar's Thoughts on the Single Life
I walked away from one of those committed-style relationships last month. You know the type. Monogamous.
Which is not very Cedar like. But you set your goals. And eventually, I want to be married. I want another kid or two. Eventually isn't today. But you plan for eventually.
If I don't practice committed relationships now... how the hell do I expect a successful marriage 3-5 years from now?
Practice, practice, practice.
Being out of the Game
My first bootcamp with Mystery was...what... fall of 2005. That's three years of hitting bars. Meeting new friends. Spending time with some amazing girls. Surprisingly... if you stay social... if you push yourself to meet amazing people... being in a relationship doesn't hurt your game one iota.
Don't shy away from the company of a girl because you think being committed is going to stale your game. Game is a smaller piece of being social. Look at the people we call naturals. Sales, service industry... guys who talk to new people every day. Guys who work with people every day.
Last time I worked a bootcamp for love systems, it was 85% IT and 15% lawyers in the class. These are guys that sit in a desk for 8-12 hours a day. They're not talking to new people. They're talking to the same 3 dudes and one cute girl in the office every day. It's no wonder they suck with women.
My social circle's fairly wide these days. It's rare that I walk into a bar... even an obscure one... and not see someone I know. Or more importantly... someone who knows me. It's a small world. And Mpls... ain't that big of a town.
The ex-girlfriend & I built this social network together. Which presents a tricky problem. How do I break up with someone that meshed into my life? Carefully. Don't be a dick. Break up for the right reason. And wait for her to catch up. I was ready a month or two before she got it.
We hang out no problem. I don't bring girls that I'm seeing around when I think the ex might be around... cause its a dick move. She doesn't need to be exposed to that crap.
You gotta be good to your girls. ALL of your girls.
For whatever reason... everytime I break up with a girl I seem to be missing furniture. This time I walked away with a rug and a bookshelf. I needed a bed. And a roommate that has a couch. Grabbed a solid roomie... super fun girl. Little to no chance of us hooking up... and she's part of my same social circle.
The bed? If you're starting from scratch, you go King Size. Why? Everyone has their own preference in bed. King Size means you two can cuddle, or you two can be one your own ends of the universe. Maybe one of you runs too hot. Maybe one of you snores. Maybe one of you doesn't like to be touched.
The point of your pad is to make her feel COMFORTABLE. A big bed accomplishes this on so many levels.
And let's not forget the holy grail. The threesome. Three people can sleep in a king size no problem. They won't think twice before hopping in the sack. Their mind won't even be on sex. It'll be on how comfortable they feel.
Speaking of which... you get a girl back to your place... you offer up the couch. You offer some food and a drink. And you drink something. Don't know why... but they need to see you take a drink of something alcoholic. Relaxes them.
BTW, we all have a TV in the living room. Don't turn it on. It's broken. Or it belongs to your roomie and you don't know how to use it. The real TV and DVD player are in your room. Get something nice. LCD's are super cheap. Drop in a funny movie, preferably something with naked girls in it.
Wedding Crashers, Californication, etc.
And don't foget to buy 1-2 pairs of flannel PJ bottoms in a men's medium. Gets her out of those tight jeans.
You've got a girl in bed. She's wearing your pajama bottoms. She's snuggled up cause you asked if she wants to cuddle. And you're both laughing at the movie.
Make your move.
I remember saying not to build one of these from scratch in a previous post. But damn. It's gotten easy. Build yourself a big old posse of girls. Every girl you see, is a girl you should be inviting to happy hour. Girls you didn't sleep with. Girls you slept with once. Girls that never answered your calls.
By the time you're getting laid, girls are going to be comfortable enough to join you for a drink. And they're going to want to meet the other girls in your life.
OK. You've got this troup of 3-5 regular girls that hang with you all the time. How do you have sex with them? You don't. Best if they're off limits.
But they have friends. And they make you look good. Hook up with their friends. Introduce girls you're interested in to your troupe. Let them seal your deal.
Just don't try to hit the entourage. It's drama.
The midwest sucks. If you don't know someone in common, you ain't talking. Cold Approach can be done. But it's tougher here than any other place I've been. Must be a Scandinavian thing.
But you still do it. You open a cold set, and you start dropping names midway. Mention some promoters. Mention high profile people in passing. Drop some bar names in your stories. These are hooks. You're not safe until you know someone in common.
Even if that someone is the bouncer at a bar you've been to once. You make that connection... And you're in.
If you're new the bar scene or pick up... you'll get this wrong all the time. You'll see some girl make out with some dude and leave the bar and think its a hookup. When she's been flirting with him for weeks at parties and happy hours.
True pickup, the way its taught here.. rarely exists in nature. And when it happens, you probably won't notice.
So stop watching the crowd. And start talking to girls.
I have a friend, E. She's a solid 9. By solid... I mean she's a nine in sweat pants and bad hair before she's had coffee. Told me she never gets approached. I believe her. She intimidates men. Intimidated me the first few times. Know why?
Guys interpret silence as a reason to leave. We don't want to be jack asses. And that's fine. Know why she's silent? Because she's nervous. And she's excited. And you might just be the guy she's been waiting for.
Plow on. Plow on until they tell you to leave. If they're not responding... it's not because you're not a sexy beast. Might be they're too stunned by your awesomeness.
Is she hot enough?
The bane of the pick up artist. You'll start to doubt every girl you're interested in. You'll show her picture to your friends. You'll ask random strangers if she's hot. And they all say yes.
Because they're your fucking friends. Course they say yes.
Ask them after the breakup for the real answer. You can do better. Doesn't matter if your ex was Cristie brinkly. Apparently, you can always do better. But don't cut bait because she's not hot enough. You're just not approaching hot enough girls.
Some of the funnest girls I've been with. Some of the best sex. It wasn't with the hottest girls. It was with the cute girls.
My standards? I won't date a girl that doesn't have some modeling experience. It's common here. Lot of girls have been to a shoot or two. It means they know how to dress and how to carry themselves.
So long as she pretties up nice, and turns a few heads when she's on your arm... she's pretty enough.
What matters is if you enjoy her company.
Am I getting laid?
I don't remember what changed. But one day girls wouldn't return my calls. And the next they ended up in my bed. I think I stopped looking for sex. And started looking for a girlfriend. Sex became no big deal. And a few girls have taken me up on it.
It's like one day you're outside looking at the cool people. And the next day... you're the cool people. No transition. No part time membership. All or nothing. With the flip of some mental switch.
Every girl is a learning experience. I can't be exclusive with a girl who's addicted to something other than booze. I can hang out with them just fine. But I don't partake. And I have a kid to consider. Drugs do bad things to people.
Age is a big factor. 30 yr old girls are level headed and know what they want. And don't mind hooking up with me while they look for it. But the 22 yr olds? They expect me to be exclusive before we've had sex.
Ain't gonna happen.
Which brings up Discretion. Pick up is Fight Club. You don't talk about it. Except that you will. So pick someone. One person. That's who you talk to about it. Just to get things off your chest.
Cause let's be honest. You're gonna sleep with a fair chunk of your social circle. Doesn't mean nothing. No judgments. No issues. Unless everyone knows. Then you're an asshole.
Cause girls gotta keep this stuff on the down-low for their reputation.
That means NO TALKING about WHO. If you gotta tell stories, you keep it anonymous and DON'T tell it if the girl in the story is present.
And end most stories with some smart ass disclaimer. Like 'well, that's how it read in penthouse.' Cause then you're not an ass. You're just funny. And possibly full of shit.
Turns out... drugs are pretty common. Weed, Coke, Ectasy... they always seem to be an arm's length away. Most of my circle doesn't partake. But every now n then... one of my friends will get some.
Don't judge. And don't do that shit often enough to get hooked. Which is a joy of the midwest. Drugs here suck. Miami... LA... that shit is straight across the border. By the time cocaine gets to Minnesota... it's more foot powder than cocaine.
If you want a cocaine high, stick to caffeine pills. It's damn near the same effect. And weed? Red wine does the same thing. It's legal. It's plentiful. And if you take the time to learn about wine... girls love it.
If you decided drugs are for you... damn does it make it easy to bring girls home. Don't fall into that as a crutch though. It's a bullshit move. If you want sex, have sex. If you want drugs, have drugs. Don't do drugs hoping to have sex.
Don't talk about drugs. Don't try to arrange drugs for your friends... if you use, buy your own. And buy enough to share. If you don't use, let your friends figure out their own fix.
Talk to everyone. Flirt with every girl. Don't be afraid to enter a cold room. And don't walk away from a set because they're not participating... tease them until they are.
If you talk to 4 girls tonight. You'll get 3-4 numbers. And one girl will go home with you. I believe this. I've done this. You can do it.