This is a post about something that underlies your skill set. It's the foundation. The skills or method is the house.
Adopt a Philosophy of Abundance
It's about adopting a philosophy of abundance, and why that's important.
I first came across the concept in Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, but it goes back to the Bible and earlier I am certain.
Essentially, there are two positions or "philosophies" people tend to have about stuff in the universe. (By stuff I mean money, possessions, cars, friends, women, anything that has a form.)
A Philosophy of Scarcity
People who have a philosophy of "scarcity" believe that there's a limited amount of "stuff" in the world. Because they believe there's a limited amount, they try to grab as much as they can. If you want to watch this in the field, go to an all-you-can-eat buffet sometime and watch the sparks fly from the serving spoons. You'd think people are eating their last meal. And in some resepcts they believe they are.
Or watch insecure guys stick like white on rice to a set that's practically begging the guys to go away. The guys act as if this is their last chance to get laid.
They see everything as scarce. In short supply. Almost gone.
A Philosophy of Abundance
People who have a philosophy of abundance believe that there is plenty to go around, no matter what it is. They don't hoard things because they know there's more where that came from, whatever it is.
In biblical times farmers were asked not to cut (harvest) the "corners" of their fields -- there's enough for everyone, so let others have some of yours. They were supposed to leave some for people who didn't have much.
More recently, the personal finance expert Suze Orman found that the clients of hers who consistently gave to charity had portfolios that significantly outpaced those of clients who gave little or nothing to others.
I've observed this myself in business ... in ways that would be a departure from this thread and this Forum if I tried to explain it. But my philosophy over the past few years has been this:
Give it away. It comes back.
How Do You Apply This to Meeting Women?
One of the consistent themes in threads throughout the Forum is the frustration of guys who see a target or set slipping away, and grab desperately at the smoke and fumes to try to get it back.
That shows a philosophy of scarcity. It says, to anyone who can perceive it, "I must have this target right now, because they're in short supply! I have to get this one!"
It's at the core of blown sets and one-itis ... hanging on when you should move on.
It's the idea that "if I don't get this one, there will never be another."
I know it's strange to see that in text -- because it looks silly sitting out there all by itself. But that's what many of us tell ourselves all the time.
Do this simple test: I want you to try to remember the first girl you ever kissed. For most of us it's easy, right? Because she was the first, you remember everything -- where you were, who she was, what she was wearing.
Now, I want you to try to remember the 7th girl you ever kissed. You can't do it. She's just another thread in the fabric of your life, and your memories. One of many. Not unimportant, just one of many.
The point is that when you adopt a position of abundance about women, you realize that there are many beautiful, smart, sensitive, sexy, fun, exotic, serious and happy women out there. There are millions of them, in fact.
After breaking up with my first real girlfriend, I was moping around the house. My grandmother was there and asked me what was wrong. I told her, she said, with a slight Russian accent -- "Don't vorry about dis one girl ... girls are like busses -- if you mees one, another one will be right arount de corner."
She was right. And she didn't mean any disrespect to women.
You don't have to grow old before you realize how powerful it is to adopt a position of abundance. It will change your frame because it changes your values. It changes your life, too, in ways you can't imagine.
You won't sweat the next set because you know there are endless sets after that -- as many as you'd like. You won't sweat getting blown out, because you know that while the chicks in that three-set are sitting at that little table laughing in your face, they are but a few people in the whole club, in one club among many in your city, among thousands of cities in this country, in just one country on this big fucking planet. They are quite literally a speck of dust in a huge universe.
That moment doesn't mean a thing.
With a philosophy of abundance, you'll walk away from that set energized to know that because they weren't the ones for you, the "real" ones are still out there ... you just got another dud out of your system.
I'm not telling you that you shouldn't work on skills. You should. But when you have a philosophy of abundance underneath those skills, it's like gliding instead of plodding along.
Don't just apply it to pick-up, or you'll be missing an opportunity to improve -- not change -- who you are. Someone trying to get in front of your car in traffic? Let them. There are studies that show when people let others in front, those people drive more courteously, too. Apparently a philosophy of abundance can be contagious.
Show up at the bar door at the exact same time someone else does? Let them go first. Do it just because you can. There are plenty of more doors to walk through.
Look for ways to put more good things into the world. When you do that, the world will pay you back in abundance. In your social life. You love life. Your work life. Your whole life.
Thanks for reading. I've been wanting to share this for some time.