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    Adopt a Philosophy of Abundance

    This is a post about something that underlies your skill set. It's the foundation. The skills or method is the house.

    It's about adopting a philosophy of abundance, and why that's important.

    I first came across the concept in Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, but it goes back to the Bible and earlier I am certain.

    Essentially, there are two positions or "philosophies" people tend to have about stuff in the universe. (By stuff I mean money, possessions, cars, friends, women, anything that has a form.)


    A Philosophy of Scarcity
    People who have a philosophy of "scarcity" believe that there's a limited amount of "stuff" in the world. Because they believe there's a limited amount, they try to grab as much as they can. If you want to watch this in the field, go to an all-you-can-eat buffet sometime and watch the sparks fly from the serving spoons. You'd think people are eating their last meal. And in some resepcts they believe they are.

    Or watch insecure guys stick like white on rice to a set that's practically begging the guys to go away. The guys act as if this is their last chance to get laid.

    They see everything as scarce. In short supply. Almost gone.

    A Philosophy of Abundance
    People who have a philosophy of abundance believe that there is plenty to go around, no matter what it is. They don't hoard things because they know there's more where that came from, whatever it is.

    In biblical times farmers were asked not to cut (harvest) the "corners" of their fields -- there's enough for everyone, so let others have some of yours. They were supposed to leave some for people who didn't have much.

    More recently, the personal finance expert Suze Orman found that the clients of hers who consistently gave to charity had portfolios that significantly outpaced those of clients who gave little or nothing to others.

    I've observed this myself in business ... in ways that would be a departure from this thread and this Forum if I tried to explain it. But my philosophy over the past few years has been this:

    Give it away. It comes back.

    How Do You Apply This to Meeting Women?
    One of the consistent themes in threads throughout the Forum is the frustration of guys who see a target or set slipping away, and grab desperately at the smoke and fumes to try to get it back.

    Big mistake.

    That shows a philosophy of scarcity. It says, to anyone who can perceive it, "I must have this target right now, because they're in short supply! I have to get this one!"

    It's at the core of blown sets and one-itis ... hanging on when you should move on.

    It's the idea that "if I don't get this one, there will never be another."

    I know it's strange to see that in text -- because it looks silly sitting out there all by itself. But that's what many of us tell ourselves all the time.

    Do this simple test: I want you to try to remember the first girl you ever kissed. For most of us it's easy, right? Because she was the first, you remember everything -- where you were, who she was, what she was wearing.

    Now, I want you to try to remember the 7th girl you ever kissed. You can't do it. She's just another thread in the fabric of your life, and your memories. One of many. Not unimportant, just one of many.

    The point is that when you adopt a position of abundance about women, you realize that there are many beautiful, smart, sensitive, sexy, fun, exotic, serious and happy women out there. There are millions of them, in fact.

    After breaking up with my first real girlfriend, I was moping around the house. My grandmother was there and asked me what was wrong. I told her, she said, with a slight Russian accent -- "Don't vorry about dis one girl ... girls are like busses -- if you mees one, another one will be right arount de corner."

    She was right. And she didn't mean any disrespect to women.

    You don't have to grow old before you realize how powerful it is to adopt a position of abundance. It will change your frame because it changes your values. It changes your life, too, in ways you can't imagine.

    You won't sweat the next set because you know there are endless sets after that -- as many as you'd like. You won't sweat getting blown out, because you know that while the chicks in that three-set are sitting at that little table laughing in your face, they are but a few people in the whole club, in one club among many in your city, among thousands of cities in this country, in just one country on this big fucking planet. They are quite literally a speck of dust in a huge universe.

    That moment doesn't mean a thing.

    With a philosophy of abundance, you'll walk away from that set energized to know that because they weren't the ones for you, the "real" ones are still out there ... you just got another dud out of your system.

    I'm not telling you that you shouldn't work on skills. You should. But when you have a philosophy of abundance underneath those skills, it's like gliding instead of plodding along.

    Don't just apply it to pick-up, or you'll be missing an opportunity to improve -- not change -- who you are. Someone trying to get in front of your car in traffic? Let them. There are studies that show when people let others in front, those people drive more courteously, too. Apparently a philosophy of abundance can be contagious.

    Show up at the bar door at the exact same time someone else does? Let them go first. Do it just because you can. There are plenty of more doors to walk through.

    Look for ways to put more good things into the world. When you do that, the world will pay you back in abundance. In your social life. You love life. Your work life. Your whole life.

    Thanks for reading. I've been wanting to share this for some time.


    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums Admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

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    Thank you one, thank you all. You all have amazingly good taste in fine reading!

    Seriously, though, there have been so many times in my life where, after learning this, I let something go and something great happened later ... too many times to be coincidences.

    The funny thing is that the first time I read about this, I was on the beach. I thought, "Man! All this time I've been thinking about girls that I'm no longer dating, wishing they were back in my life. But there's more women out there than I can ever even meet -- I have to let go of the ones that 'got away' ..."

    I got up from my chair ... there was no one else around because it was early ... and took a walk. I was feeling great. No more worrying about why things didn't work out with girlfriends in the past. All that stuff off my mind. I get back to my beach chair and there's a HB8 sitting about 10 feet away reading in her chair. She looked like a Hawaiian Tropic bikini model. She smelled like cotton candy. I sit down (this is pre-game, mind you) and mind my own bidness. She goes into the ocean. I watch. It's nice. She comes running out of the water and over to my chair ... "I need your help!" she says, "I lost my contact!" Uh, right.

    Do you know how long it takes to help a hot chick find her lost contact lens on a BEACH? You could go through the entire emotional progression model three times, conceive a child, change jobs and audition for American Idol in two different cities in less time.

    In qual I realized we weren't a great fit due to geography, lifestyle, and the fact that her 9 year old son arrived soon to help look for the contact lens (turns out it was still in her eye) ... but I'm just sayin' ... when you make room for more good stuff in life by giving the old stuff away .... well, you know.
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums Admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

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    This is the basic message of "The Secret".

    While the actual metaphysical properties behind it aren't quite there, the world is a little better if they follow it.

  9. 09-20-2007, 06:16 AM

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    Quote Originally Posted by GilBelford View Post
    Fantastic.

    That is something that I've always tried to follow throughout life, I am somewhat of a believer in karma, but not on a cosmical level, but simply, that if you're a good person and do good things, then good things will happen for you.

    And I agree with you when you say, that it has happened way too many times for it to be a coincidence. eheh

    Again, awesome post.
    Thanks for your feedback and from the other posters as well.

    That philosophy you wrote above about being a good human being is essentially my "mission statement." At some point, and this is just for me, I realized that the kind of women I wanted to be with were drawn to good people.

    I'm not saying that the "bad boys" don't have their place in the world. They do and that persona attracts a certain kind of person, too. But it was through about 10 years martial arts training that I saw there is ALWAYS some "badder" dude out there (regardless of whether you're talking about sports, or business, or sarging chicks) so I focused my energy in a different direction.

    Sounds like you have, too.
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums Admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

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    I've heard this philosophy in more places than I can count. I've been using it for a few months now and I really believe it works.
    I've also noticed that people who are always saying things like, "Oh, I'm broke" are ALWAYS BROKE.

    People who focus on negativity breed more negativity.

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    There was a point in my life where I was driven by a fear of scarcity. Even today I believe that women are a scarce resource (relative to 1. the number of undesirable women, 2. the number of competitors, 3. my location) but I do not believe that this is anything to be afraid of. I used to be uncertain about my abilities and what I could do (irrationally, because I had evidence to support the conclusion that I'm good with women) and therefor was uncertain about when and if I'd ever get another chance with another girl. This is an irrational belief not because of the abundance of women, but rather because my abilities and experience have shown the case to be otherwise. I was being illogical, but my uncertainty was still justified. Here's why:

    We believe we know what the future will hold but not based on any real evidence. This is because the only evidence we can have is observation, and nothing about my prior observations of an event can give me any certainty about the observations of that event in the future. Even if I've seen the quarter fall from my hand and over the ledge of the skyscraper to the sidewalk below 99 times in a row, I cannot know for certain if the 100th time the quarter will instead remain aloft. Until I let it go.

    I don't mean to be the a$$hole skeptic, but this much is certain: our knowledge from evidence is purely synthetic, it provides us only with answers about what has happened, not what will. Our analysis of our synthetic knowledge allows us to draw "logical conclusions" about what will happen, but it does not allow us to truly "know the future," only what is logical. While it is logical that with the sheer number of women in the world I should be able to find another one, it cannot be certain until experienced. This is what frightened me: not the possibility of being alone forever, but rather uncertainty itself. I have since learned to embrace uncertainty and to be energized by not knowing what is going to happen. Monotony is the bane of my existence, and the thrill of gaming chicks is one of the most exhilarating experiences I've ever found. The future in gaming can reasonably be drawn (if you have solid game it is likely that you'll get the girl/s, if not it is likely you won't) but the field is so wide and people so varied that the overall experience of it carries a nearly infinite number of undiscovered variables and unknowable future results. The biological reinforcement for this sort of behavior also gives a marked feeling of accomplishment and contentment, which I am beginning to relish in.

    As far as the comments about "paying it forward" so to speak; I do believe that I have certain properties and that those properties have a certain fluidity about them. That is; they are influenced by my environment and can influence my environment. I've found that when I apply myself fully to the world or when I try to act according to principles I can change or alter it to my benefit. I believe the MM reinforces this kind of philosophy in its sections about creating "frame." When we create frames for others to fit into we are altering the world and altering others. We are creating a reality in which others and ourselves operate, and that reality is directly influenced by our personalities and properties (both honest and deceptive) to the point that it becomes the reality of the situation itself. In this way we are at least regionally altering the properties of the world and others by our actions. Regionally I may better myself by promoting feelings of charity and actions of goodwill by donating to charity or being a charitable person, because as I alter the world with my frame of influence to reflect charity and goodwill I may also be altering those people who are within my frame to act in charitable ways. This alteration may lead to people being charitable or acting with goodwill towards myself. Although this is purely speculation I find it to be very intriguing.

    Sorry if this is kind of nuts.


    P.S.
    The only problem I have with Suze Orman's report is that she might be making a causal error. People giving away their money to charities isn't what caused them to have impressive portfolios (there is no evidence to connect them) but rather it is the strength of their portfolios that allows them the financial capabilities and freedoms to give to charity.
    "Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play."
    Immanuel Kant

  18. 09-29-2007, 12:07 PM


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    I'm beginning to believe in the law of attraction to some extent. I don't get the spirit channeling stuff, or the overly materialistic aesthestic of the "Secret" or the fact they blame people for anything that happens to them 100 percent.

    HOWEVER, I notice that when I do positive affirmations alot, things start to happen, even when those said things don't happen for months and years at a time (well I am just saying that when I get into a positive state and keep it up for weeks, shit happens that would NOT normally happen to me).

    I believe in the philosophy of abundance. There are plenty of women out there, I will have plenty of money to sustain myself, and have plenty of creative ideas to sustain my hobbies.

    I've seriously went years with a somewhat negative vibe and attitude, and yeah nothing happens. Then I just go three days saying all this positive shit to myself, and lo and behold- Some check appears in the mail I didn't expect, some friend calls me who I haven't seen for years, some woman gives me her phone number or I have a date.

    I had it happen to me about five years ago when I first started medication, I was on anti-deppressants for a long time. The first few months, it made me be in a positive mood all the time. Bam, bam- I got members for my band, and my first girlfriend.

    Ok, ok, I know this is a bit of a long post, but there are seriously some things at work that I think cannot be seen.

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    Ishamael

    I recommend it. Read it. Takers v. Leavers. Same point you've made, but it features telepathy and gorillas.
    Women and cats. Men and weather. - Robert A. Heinlein

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    I didn't think my first post here would be on this topic. But, I have to say that I learned this philosophy and applied it to my professional life way before I had ever heard of the game. I'm an artist by trade, and I frequently have people approach me during a show and say something to the effect of, "I really like that painting there with the $700 price tag. I'll give you $500 for it".

    When I had an attitude of scarcity, I would negotiate with them because I didn't want to lose the sale and we'd settle somewhere in between, and I'd feel slightly ripped off while they felt like they got some decent art at a mediocre price.

    One day I decided that I was just not going to do this anymore. I knew what my work was worth, which was what I put on the tag. The next time somebody came along (and every single time afterwards) who offered me less than the price on the tag, I had a prepared response for them. If they offered me $500 for a $700 painting I would look them seriously like I was about to go into shrewd bargaining mode and say, "Tell you what. Just for you, I'll let it go for $900."
    The response never varies, they reply, "But the tag says $700!"
    To which I say "Exactly".
    From there they usually get mad and whine how that's not how you're supposed to bargain, to which I say "You bargain how you like and I'll bargain how I like".

    Now this may sound like professional suicide, but you'd be surprised how many of these guys come back later in the evening and eat crow & pay full price. And if they don't, so what? There will be other buyers, and anyone who observes the interaction will know that I stand behind the value of my work, giving it higher status and value in their eyes; even though it cost them more they feel that they made a good deal.

    I love how this applies to females. I just won't settle for less than I deserve. I know what I'm worth, and I'm not going to bargain (or plead or spend a lot of money on gifts, etc) to win a woman. There will be others who see my real value, and besides, if I did that sort of crap then I wouldn't be standing behind my own value, and my status and perceived value would diminish as a result.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sapien View Post
    I didn't think my first post here would be on this topic. But, I have to say that I learned this philosophy and applied it to my professional life way before I had ever heard of the game. I'm an artist by trade, and I frequently have people approach me during a show and say something to the effect of, "I really like that painting there with the $700 price tag. I'll give you $500 for it".

    When I had an attitude of scarcity, I would negotiate with them because I didn't want to lose the sale and we'd settle somewhere in between, and I'd feel slightly ripped off while they felt like they got some decent art at a mediocre price.

    One day I decided that I was just not going to do this anymore. I knew what my work was worth, which was what I put on the tag. The next time somebody came along (and every single time afterwards) who offered me less than the price on the tag, I had a prepared response for them. If they offered me $500 for a $700 painting I would look them seriously like I was about to go into shrewd bargaining mode and say, "Tell you what. Just for you, I'll let it go for $900."
    The response never varies, they reply, "But the tag says $700!"
    To which I say "Exactly".
    From there they usually get mad and whine how that's not how you're supposed to bargain, to which I say "You bargain how you like and I'll bargain how I like".

    Now this may sound like professional suicide, but you'd be surprised how many of these guys come back later in the evening and eat crow & pay full price. And if they don't, so what? There will be other buyers, and anyone who observes the interaction will know that I stand behind the value of my work, giving it higher status and value in their eyes; even though it cost them more they feel that they made a good deal.

    I love how this applies to females. I just won't settle for less than I deserve. I know what I'm worth, and I'm not going to bargain (or plead or spend a lot of money on gifts, etc) to win a woman. There will be others who see my real value, and besides, if I did that sort of crap then I wouldn't be standing behind my own value, and my status and perceived value would diminish as a result.
    This is so true in any sales... I sell cars for a living and its the same deal... Everyone believes that they can bargain for any item, but if you bring them into reality, you can get what you want. Just like you said, females are the same way you put any female on a pedestal, she will sense that from the get go. From there you are fucked. You have to put value in what you are selling ,it doesn't matter if its your self with a female or a painting.

  23. 11-03-2007, 08:14 PM


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