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How to Win Friends and Influence People
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Win people to your way of thinking
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
You may disagree with some of these that's fine, but I know the best a person can feel is when he genuinely respects someone and they genuinely respect him back, not the temporary illusion of respect, but the "even if you say something dumb, or hurtfu, or fuck my mom sister and brother (he's 5 you sick bastard) I will still like you type respect" If you follow this advice with everyone just think how good you will feel about yourself. I know you guys goin to say hey, Zine! Fake it until you make it man! Fine fake it until you make it works, but you must make it otherwise you will be living a lie.
I have this somewhere in the pile of books I'm yet to get through. It looks like good stuff, much of it seems reminiscent of things I've read in Goleman's Emotional Intelligence.
In my view the basic model for positive (platonic) relations is to communicate to the other person that you're high status, and at the same time make them feel that they're high status (which can be by treating them well, and as important, and by bonding on common ground so that your high status is tied to their high status).
The list there only seems to focus on one of the two aspects, albeit perhaps the more important of the two, for platonic relationships.
My feeling is that in attraction however, it's your own status that takes prime importance.
Hopefully I'll get through the next couple of books pretty quickly, and get to How to win friends.. soon.
I loved Dale Carnargies book and have re-read it a few times. I feel the ideas raised in it are especially relevent in the world of work, friendships and everyday dealings with people. Since reading it I have found now that I very rarely criticise people, I never insult people without trying to put myself in their shoes, and never interrupt people when they have something to say. Interestingly, I have also noticed that people who I know who exhibit these negative traits are basically annoying, irritating and not the sort of characters you want to hang around.
I am not so sure about its ideas when it comes to women, however. The reason being that negs and cocky funny kind of go against the ethos of the book, certainly in the early stage.
There is no doubt though, that everyone should read this book, especially assholes!
Dale Carnegie's amazing classic changed my life. During the transition between jr. high and high school my father gave me a copy of this book which I devoured, realizing I had discovered a roadmap to social success. After being social awkward, I understood the power within the pages of being willing to go first in any social interaction and that most people are generally unsure of themselves, afraid of a gaffe or unwilling to expend energy in meeting others. I would simply being willing to do the opposite...my mantra was "average people are afraid, I am NOT average" While some may think that reaching out, or "leaning" may lower one's social value, I've found that stepping out intelligently greatly increased it. I remember talking to everyone on the first day in school. I met thirty new friends, wrote their names down, greeted them warmly the next day. even then I knew not to give too much time to the hot cheerleaders....within one week I was the only guy sitting at their lunch table... I wish my father would have then handed me the VAH..
I speak very highly about this book and consistantly put it at the fore-front of my reccomendations when asked 'what books do you reccomend' (only just behind the VAH).
This book will change your life if you let it. It is a fantastic 'how to' and 'can do' manual that can motivate, inspire and set-on-track the rest of your life.
And you can buy the damn thing for $7.95.
Why wouldn't you read it?
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Rapport building is very important, mirroring accents (suttley), body language and attitudes (jedi mind trick-esque). I can make someone near enough my best friend in a day by talking to them on a personal level and mirroring their attitude towards stuff, once you've done that, then introduce your attitude and build a rapport of friendship, asking them questions whatever.
Read "Introducing NLP" it's basically goes over it in there.