PDA

View Full Version : Shy girl, what to do? UPDATE



Ochrasy
11-26-2008, 08:17 AM
20 days ago I posted about this shy girl. Haven't been able to respond and the thread got over 22 days old. So I'll continue it here:

I wrote:"Been talking to this girl that saw me like 5 months ago when my band played a concert. Been having a relationship since then, but now it's over. MSN is widely accepted here in sweden, and since there arent many clubs to visit I sometimes meet girls this way, like my ex. We talked maybe a week on msn and then I called her for the first time.

With this girl, who hasn't had a boyfriend before, kind of shy and really is what we in sweden call "kräsen", she's really waiting for the right guy, who's like perfect.(this is what her, and my friend aswell, told me) Started really good and we've been talking for 5 days now, also alot of text-messages. She's been giving IOIs and all, but I called spontaneous today and she didn't answer. So asked her later on msn, and she doesn't often have her phone with her. So I said that I'll call tomorrow, and she says she's shy. I say something like "I wont bite I promise", she laughs, but when I say I'll call her tomorrow she says "no, i dont like talking on the phone".

I don't know if theres more I need to say about the situation, but I have qualified her and she seems to like it. Maybe she's just shy? What do I do to meet her "live"?"

Jenova1 wrote:"It may take a little longer than 5 or 6 days to build the comfort levels for her to actually answer your calls. If I were you, I'd continue talking to her over text and msn. Then in about a week or so, think up this outrageous story, then text her saying something like "Oh my god, you have to call me, you won't believe what just happened". This may work, it's worked for me before. And never forget, the power the words "I'm in a band" have over ladies, and their panties."

thx for the response :)
an update:
since my last post we've continued talking, and last friday we we're on the same party.
I had written in my blog and she was like "I'll see you there!"

At the party(which she and some friends hosted) she was quite busy, but we met right when we came and we hugged and smalltalked(first time talking to her IRL).
Then she has a friend, who's also very interested in music.
She introduced me to some other of the HBs friends. "This is Ochrasy, he plays in a band"-ish.
They also talked to me about HB and said like "no-one can get her".
I replied like "she's an interesting person, we'll see". They told me they'd actually said to her like "Ochrasy then? he's a really cool guy!"

Since I was there with my friends we hung around, and me and another guy got compliments for our clothes. I was at the dancefloor and also made out with another girl. Stupid, but I'm pretty sure she didn't see it, that would maybe be too much of an asshole?

Anyways later we met in the hallway, she borrowed my jacket and we talked about music, and her friends came along and it was interesting. I then had too leave, but we've been talking on the MSN since.

Yesterday I asked if she was "coming out so I could do the cube and she could cook some food". Asked this(meeting me) before meeting her at the party and then she "had plans". Now she was like "maybe :)". That's progress and I've earned some value I believe. We text message a little day by day.

I asked her yesterday, and don't want to be needy. So I'm not asking her tonight, just talking with her.
Should I ask her tomorrow?
Since she's this really hard girl, I don't want to pressure her, right?

Ochrasy

bmwpower
11-26-2008, 08:59 AM
I have a girl, pretty much the same exact type, that i'm working right now. I haven't really chosen If I want to close her yet, because she's never had a bf, i'm afraid the fall out won't be pretty, but I think your best bet now is to back off. Remember the game is push-pull, you've pushed and seem to be doing well, now its time to change it up and pull. There's no worries of really losing her cause she's a nice girl and probably doesn't meet too many guys. One trick I use on msn is to block her for 2 days, it keeps your discipline up so you don't break your will and if she sees you online and not msging her she could get mad. So give her time to miss you, I went a week actually instead of 2 days, it was a lot easier cause like I said I'm not sure if I want to close her, and now she's even the one initiating conversations when I go online. She's even dropped hints about how I should go see her...

Good luck, keep us updated. Be careful though, being the first in that zone can be a potential can of worms.

Ochrasy
11-26-2008, 09:06 AM
thanks man!
when you mentioned about not writing to her that's actually what I did before the party, which was this last weekend. That made her more "after me",

Yesterday I first initiated on msn, but then had to move my computer and I said "I'll be back".
When I went online after 30 min she re-initiated the talk. So maybe I've already passed that stadium? This was also like 45 min after I asked her about coming here.

I believe not mentioning it at all before this weekend, if she's like "haha maybe:)" and re-initiating and talking about making me food, then it will never happen. I'm the guy and I still am the one initating the meeting, and there are some IOI:s right? :)

bmwpower
11-26-2008, 12:45 PM
Yea for sure you're the guy and you have to initiate it. Its key though to initiate at the right time. The maybe I can see coming from two different angles and this is where you've got to use your own judgement, try and be objective though.

1) She's interested and she just said maybe cause there were no definite plans, it was just a general question and she wants you to really ask her out before she says yes.

2) She's still hesitant and you've gotta still work (negs, push-pull) before you step up and actually go for setting up the details of a date.

Ochrasy
11-27-2008, 12:26 PM
antother update

we talked about the week-end:
Me: Are you finding your way out here to my place ? ;)
HB: No I'm sorry I'm going to my friends lakehouse.
And then I also have to live up to "being hard to get", like Allis and Sofia's(both are her and my friends) saying. haha;)

This has to be an IOI, even though she didn't have the time right? She actually said like "I actually would want to" and also makes fun of her being known as hard to get, right?

I said like:
"Yeah that's what people say" and then I made a joke that it sounds like a big-brother contester(bad english, competing in big brother)."Svår-HB" and "BB-HB".
She: Haha
Me: But are you really that hard to get? ;)
Your friends at the party were like "HB is impossible to get, haha"
She: Haha, well i am very picky:eek:that's not so good...
Yeah she said that she'd said that, haha;)
Me: But I understand, you're waiting for someone who you feel comfortable with meeting;)
She: Yeah kinda :)
There are not many great guys here in Mjölby(not where I live, but I live 15 min away in another city)
Me(i live outside the city where my only neighbours are my cousins): Here in Marstad there are loads. (Me and my two cousins)


what do you think?
she gave a hint that she wanted to meet me with "And then I also have to live up to "being hard to get", like Allis and Sofia's saying. haha;)"

do I ask her next week again?

sunfire
11-27-2008, 01:09 PM
dude let me tell u, dont take msn game too seriously, and u shouldnt talk to her on msn either, ull lose ur element of suprise and might even run out of things to say.


just wanted to add that u played that one pretty bad. dont ask her "are u hard to get?" who the fuck does she think she is anyways? plus, ur not trying to get her, u wonna spend some time with her and get to know her, after all ur not sure if u even like this girl (this is the typa stuff u should convery to her). lay off for a while. be unreactive to her, and when u do talk to her, try to neg her more than u do normally. after a while ull see she will start chasing u. im actually in a similar situation but mine is a bit more messed up :P i showed too much interest at first and now i gotta play it like i dont even like her as a friend, which works pretty well. she even makes schemes to make me feel jealous and shit, which make u feel like u have all the power. im attracted to these type of "hard to get" chicks, but i hate them at the same time. u shouldnt take bullshit from her, let her know ur better than her.
gl