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View Full Version : Avoiding looking like a "Player"



EdSam
11-16-2008, 06:28 PM
I vaguely recall seeing a thread about this a while back but I couldn't find it after doing a search. So if something like this already exists feel free to direct me to the thread so this one can be deleted.

Anyways, this has been a problem for me recently. I certainly would not call myself a "player" but some girls seem to think I am when I meet them. Comments I've received within the past couple weeks include:

"You seem like the kind of guy who would hook up with like 4 girls in a night."
"Yeah, I bet you've hooked up with a bunch of girls since we did."

The ironic and frustrating part about this is that if girls perceive you as a player, it inhibits you from actually being a player....

How can I frame the interaction differently so I won't encounter this problem?
Thanks!

napjohn8
11-16-2008, 06:31 PM
they are shit testing you the best way i recall was you want girls to act up to the standards that you like. You can frame it that you only hang out with adventurous girl. So you need to make it seem that you fall for them and then your not a player. Its confusing but i've been successful at doing it. Your not qualifying enough. That seems to be the problem.

Btw what stage of the interaction does this happen in the first minute or what stage of the emotion progression model

ibrox
11-16-2008, 06:39 PM
Why change something because of two woman?

And besides, as Peaches off Keys to the VIP said:

"The ultimate irony is, every woman wants a player, who wants a loser?"

EdSam
11-16-2008, 07:16 PM
they are shit testing you the best way i recall was you want girls to act up to the standards that you like. You can frame it that you only hang out with adventurous girl. So you need to make it seem that you fall for them and then your not a player. Its confusing but i've been successful at doing it. Your not qualifying enough. That seems to be the problem.

Btw what stage of the interaction does this happen in the first minute or what stage of the emotion progression model

I always try to bring up the "I only hang out with adventurous girls" qualifier, but sometimes its tougher to work it in...
I'm at college and it's more social circle game than cold approach here, so sometimes it's tough for me to always know which phase I'm in. I'd say this happens most in qualifying/comfort.


Why change something because of two woman?

And besides, as Peaches off Keys to the VIP said:

"The ultimate irony is, every woman wants a player, who wants a loser?"

Haha, very nice. I should just embrace it and answer with something prepared like:
"Don't be jealous just cuz I've got other girls chasing me!" :p
or just recite Peaches' quote, they might be taken back by that. lol

ooranos
11-16-2008, 07:23 PM
You're not "looking like a player", your giving off the vibe of one.
Having girls hanging around you, or being well dressed, will NOT get you called out for being a player. That is preselection and fashion sense/being socially aware.

What WILL get you called out for being a player is the vibe you give off in an interaction. Try taking up "the curiousity frame", like, "Hey, I'm curious about you, tell me about yourself" (not necessarily said, but rather subcommunicated - that's what you want the underlying interaction to feel like. If you come in with some coy-or-cocky-im-a-ladies-man frame, then you will be giving off that dreaded "player vibe".

For more advanced guys, it's interesting to note that the player vibe CAN def generate massive attraction. But it also tends to kill comfort. So you have to strike a balance in the vibe you are giving off.

Best,
ooranos