View Full Version : Investment Equilibrium: How NOT to Lose a Girl in Ten Days

Jeremy Soul
07-29-2007, 04:58 AM
Ok player, so you got game and you know how to pick up a chick. What are your relationship skills like?

Earlier this year, what I feel is a really critical part of relationships - sexual and otherwise - dawned on me. Commitment. I don't mean the 'C' word in the normal way that women use it to express how we're all ultimately afraid to get into a monogamous relationship with one woman. This has nothing to do with monagamy. It's about how committed you are to the relationship and to that person, and how committed they are to you.

What I've realised is that there seems to be a very stable "investment" equilibrium at the basis of any good relationship. One person might invest more in the other person at any one moment in time, but ultimately if that investment is not reciprocated then the relationship is almost certain to break down. That investment might involve time, money, emotional or mental energy, but whatever it is, it needs to be reciprocated one way or another.

How is this relevant to developing your skills? You might already have great relationship skills, if which case you're probably willing to invest in your girlfriend and she invests in you - you reach a stable (but dynamic) equilibrium with her. If you don't, then why not? If you've read all the seduction material and learnt how to be alpha, then the first thing you need to do is to stop worrying about all those seduction related things. Don't worry about not being needy, don't worry about letting her miss you, and don't worry about being unreactive.

Your chick wants to see that you give a shit about her. She wants to see you laugh when she cracks a joke, she wants you to text her at 3am in the morning when you miss her like crazy, and she wants you to make special surprise plans for her birthday.

It's easy for people to talk about a relationship as if it were a pick up, making suggestions which are based more on approaching and closing, rather than on "continuing" the pick up. Guess what? If you want to get into a relationship with someone, you need to be able to show them a real side of yourself. That's investment - it's being willing to spend time with them show them who you are, and to figure out who they are.

If a girl you're trying to date doesn't really seem into it, ask yourself whether you've shown a genuine interest in dating her (or even fucking her, if that's the type of relationship you want with her) and whether this has been apparent with how you've tried to build your relationship with her. As an example, after you slept with her, did you:

a) Text her a week later inviting her around for another shag?
b) Call her to tell her you had great time with her, and that you hope she has a good week?
c) Invite her out with you and your mates at the weekend to get drunk and party?

There's a whole spectrum of investment strategy there. There's no right answer, but realise that which option you go for will affect which sort of relationship you might have with her. At the end of the day, whether she meets you on that ground depends on what she wants and what she's willing to invest in you. The road runs both ways - she might want option c), but maybe that's just not for you.

Investment equilibrium is something that seems completely obvious, but I think it's something that all too easily forgotten when you're learning seduction skills. At the end of the day, no one is going to have a happy relationship with someone that isn't willing to invest in it as much as they are. This isn't just about romantic or sexual relationships, it's about friendships and business relationships too. There needs to be an equilibrium for the relationship to work.

So next time you're chilling with your girl in the crisp glow of a Summer morning, don't worry about being non-needy, just look her in the eye and tell her you fucking love being with her

Thoughts and comments?