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View Full Version : should i drop it or just grab my balls and go for it?



fade
07-25-2006, 01:30 PM
Let me give you a litte background.
Just met this girl, she gave off tons of IOI's, but ended up thinking my friend was hot and she was horny one night and made out with him.
She and i went to a party with him and all our friends, she gets all over me, telling me how much she doesnt like him and how she feels safe in my arms etc. I isolate, get the urge to throw up due to my beer (dumb fucking move i won't drink ever again.) and take her back to the party. I then excuse myself, go and throw up.
Later i go back to leaning back sending out an alpha vibe to everyone, but yet i see her making out with my friend she thought was hot at the end of the night.
Well that kept up for a week or so, then she started to hate him - she thought he was a player. Anyways, even while she and him had their little fling she would sit on my lap, put her head on my shoulder, tell me i felt like a teddybear.
well this has kept up, and i'm starting to question myself.
When we first meet up, lots of hugs, she touches me alot when she laughs, head on shoulder, etc.... later that night though she seems distant and unattached..
should i drop this shit or just grab my balls and go for it?
fade

Starman
07-25-2006, 01:41 PM
I think you should go for it by telling her off (in a friendly, confident way) and cut off the free cuddles. Tell her she obviously likes your friend, that he's a nice guy, and she should get her cuddles from him as she's been doing. Cut her off, freeze her out. When she comes back to you anyway, caveman her.

fade
07-25-2006, 01:45 PM
I think you should go for it by telling her off (in a friendly, confident way) and cut off the free cuddles. Tell her she obviously likes your friend, that he's a nice guy, and she should get her cuddles from him as she's been doing. Cut her off, freeze her out. When she comes back to you anyway, caveman her.
that would have been a good tactic a few days ago, but more recently she hates my friend. He won't talk to her because he's the immature kind of guy that when something goes wrong he just doesn't deal with it.
saying for her to get her cuddles from him would be an asshole move right now.

Starman
07-25-2006, 01:54 PM
Freeze her out anyway. She treated you liked the buddy, got the free cuddles, and made out with him instead of you. "Hands off, this shit isn't free" isn't just a line. You've been giving her what she wants, and she's been giving your friend what you wanted. You still need to reframe and make her come to you under your terms. You could just tell her this right out, but I think it'll be better if you just suggest it and make her figure it out herself. If you just "make a move" straight up, it'll be pretty AFC if I understand the situation right. It may work out in the short term, but she'll be the one with the reins. You want to make her be the one to make the move, or at least put herself there in front of you ready. Don't chase.

Ricker
07-25-2006, 02:16 PM
Listen man, she's playing a game. I agree - Freeze out.
If you don't want to remain Smokey, or Buttons, or whatever your bear pet name is ;P

fade
07-25-2006, 02:22 PM
i understand the concept of a freeze-out but thats usually done to make the situation uncomfortable for her, so that she seeks to make it more comfortable like it used to be... thus doing what you want her to.
anyways, how would i use a freeze-out in this situation?
I don't want to show inactive disinterest in her by just sitting in the corner, so how do i do this?
fade

Starman
07-25-2006, 02:34 PM
Absoultely you don't want to sit in the corner!!! You need to be out having fun, talking with other girls, being attractive, and not giving her the time of day. She's come to expect to get comfort from you when she wants it on her terms. You're soft. You're a friend. You're not hot and fun. So go out and be hot and fun with her. Don't go out and hang with her one on one.
She's been getting easy attention from you with no commitment on her part. She'll miss your attention when you stop giving it to her. But don't stop giving it to her and mope in a corner in a basement somewhere -- that won't work either. The purpose of a freeze out is not to make her uncomfortable. It's to make her miss your attention and to want to do something to get it back. She'll miss your attention more if it's clearly from a high quality guy who can bestow it upon other people.
She may well feel like right now, if you "make a move," she can turn you down and still have her non-threatening cuddle buddy. She's the one with the power and value in your relationship. You need to do something to reverse that. Otherwise you're either going to be whipped or trapped in friend city.

fade
07-25-2006, 03:58 PM
i'll do exactly that tonight.
some speed bumps i'm running into in my mind are: when she sees me and says "fadeee!!" and tries to run up and give me a hug, i'm supposed to just turn and give her the cold shoulder like i'm mad at her?
I know how to increase my value, but clarify what my attitude should be towards her.
when i see her, i'm thinking what?
once i have that mentality, I feel i won't be as incongruent.
fade

Crooked
07-25-2006, 04:36 PM
i'll do exactly that tonight.
some speed bumps i'm running into in my mind are: when she sees me and says "fadeee!!" and tries to run up and give me a hug, i'm supposed to just turn and give her the cold shoulder like i'm mad at her?
I know how to increase my value, but clarify what my attitude should be towards her.
when i see her, i'm thinking what?
once i have that mentality, I feel i won't be as incongruent.
fade
when she runs up the hug you, let her hug you. don't hug back. just stand there. when she looks at you and asks what's wrong, say: "are you finished? ok good because that will be 20$; this shit isn't free."
the mindset you should have is: this girl is an experiment. in a few days you'll be thinking about some other girl. it's no big deal. approach the situation with her by being nonchalant. when she tells you about her problems with you're guy friend or any other guy say, "that's great".
you need to take over and show ownership of her world. while she's hugging on you and all that shit i don't understand why you didn't kiss her? she's in your lap, etc, and it's like you're waiting for a sign from God on when to kiss her. let her know your intentions, stop letting her have her way with you.
tell her either to quit the games or to quit bothering you. you don't have time for nice girls like her (calling a girl nice will always get an instant response).

fade
07-25-2006, 04:56 PM
when she runs up the hug you, let her hug you. don't hug back. just stand there. when she looks at you and asks what's wrong, say: "are you finished? ok good because that will be 20$; this shit isn't free."
the mindset you should have is: this girl is an experiment. in a few days you'll be thinking about some other girl. it's no big deal. approach the situation with her by being nonchalant. when she tells you about her problems with you're guy friend or any other guy say, "that's great".
you need to take over and show ownership of her world. while she's hugging on you and all that shit i don't understand why you didn't kiss her? she's in your lap, etc, and it's like you're waiting for a sign from God on when to kiss her. let her know your intentions, stop letting her have her way with you.
tell her either to quit the games or to quit bothering you. you don't have time for nice girls like her (calling a girl nice will always get an instant response).
thanks bro, i'm going out tonight with my friends and she's gonna be there so i'll be sure to do this all. Who knows what will happen, but at least it'll help me with my game.
oh and why i didn't kiss her, there were always people around. there has only been two opportunities for this where no one has been around.
the first i threw up, the second we were on a bed and my other friend was passed out on the floor. Game was going perfect, she decides she's hungry and people were down where we got food. (my mistake for sure.)
anyways, i'll give ya the news when i get back
fade

Crooked
07-25-2006, 07:28 PM
so how did this turn out?

fade
07-26-2006, 12:32 AM
so how did this turn out?
well i began the night with her and her friend (one of my other good friends), and we hung out. I didn't hug her back, and since i had used the "this shit aint for free, that'll be $20" on her, she would touch me and keep counting how much she owed me.
I didn't do as well as i could have, but a problem was that we all went over to someone's house to go swimming. To have a good time i also swam, but she didn't cuz she didn't want to mess up her hair and makeup (i should have given her shit for not being fun).. anyways, my guy friend shows up that she made out with a few times...
they go off on a car ride and talk about what happened between them (I.e. she thinks he's an asshole for making out with other girls.)...
she gets back and she hates the guy even more. so no worries, we all lay on the trampoline.
I hadn't been the interesting fun guy to the other girls because most of them left for awhile, or they weren't in the pool. One of them i kept getting IOI's from, though she was hot i felt kind of weird flirting alot with her at the time.
anyways, on the trampoline she keeps talking to my other friend, who i later had a discussion with on this girl. We'll call her sarah. well sarah gives everyone fucking IOI's. She touches my friend "tom" almost as much as she touches me, and everyone else. The only difference i see between us is that she will hug on me and put her head on my shoulder, while she compliments his laugh and loves to talk to him... In fact its probably the toughest girl to read i've ever seen.
For some reason i don't trust the IOI's, though i should.
earlier that night she had asked if i could help her with her neck because it had been bothering her. I sort of shrug off the suggestion to help her because she wants me to, and give her a few suggestions real fast - then turn and talk to my other friend.
so we're sitting on the trampoline and we're all talking, she's sitting somewhat in the middle while i'm on the outside of our semi-circle.
I say "come here", and motion for her to come over.
she comes over and lays next to me and i tell her that i'm going to help her with her back.
so i give her a little bit of a massage and help her, but unfortunately my friend tom (not the one she made out with), was joining us in a discussion and taking away some of my conversation.
tom is the kinda guy that is naturally a great conversationalist, and the guy that always has the center of the conversation.
you know when people get in a group they always talk to one person, well thats tom.
anyways, you'd think tom would be better with women but unfortunately he doesn't have alpha characteristics despite his charisma.
So the night ended with my friend tom and i talking about different things we like about women, what we don't like, and so on.
Some what of trying to get her to qualify herself to me, but she seemed disinterested in the conversation and decided to move over and talk to her girlfriend..
the night ends with me acting less like i should have, and more like I did previously.
*****
want to know my hang up? truthfully? i see this girl as a great friend. Unfortuantely she is a very hot friend who i want to do fun stuff with. lol
She'll be going to college with me next year, and i think she's alot of fun. If nothing happened between us i would still have fun hanging out with her just as a friend, as i have with my other friend (her friend i hung out with tonight as well.)
so my dilema is that i'm possibly risking a great friendship for some fun time with my lips.
*****
also, one thing my friend mentioned was "if i were piss ass drunk, and sarah were sitting on my lap touching me all the time and she was drunk, I don't think i would make a move because its impossible to tell if thats what should be done in the situation with her."
thats a long post, and its 3:30 in the morning.
i'm going to bed,
fade.

Crooked
07-26-2006, 03:20 AM
whenever those two people went for the car ride you should have taken that as an opportunity to steal the show. you should of then became the funnest/most interesting person there. you should have gotten out of the pool and mingled with the rest of the crowd instead of making yourself exclusive to the pool!
if you don't like these girls or just want to be friends with them then that's understandable and i wouldn't worry about it. but if i'm understanding this correctly, this girl probably is into you, you're just not isolating and going for any close. you're friend is really not that hard to read. she compliments tom on his laugh and says she loves talking to him... well guess what? you complimented tom on having charisma and basically said you liked talking to him but he lacked AMOG characteristics. if you can see this, the females can as well so he's already blown out of the water.
you should really take everything this girl does as an ioi to you and you should've isolated tonight if you really wanted to. as for help on reading girls body language and knowing what they're thinking, i don't know what to tell you. maybe you should just hang out with this girl who's your friend and observe her actions towards guys. i don't have a problem in this area -- naturally, i can read a girl easily and i know if they want me or not so i don't know how to help you there.

HotCoffee
07-26-2006, 07:44 AM
If you really feel that you could become great friends with her, It seems like it might be a good idea to just be friends with her and use her as a pivot and social proof once u get to college.

fade
07-26-2006, 11:39 AM
whenever those two people went for the car ride you should have taken that as an opportunity to steal the show. you should of then became the funnest/most interesting person there. you should have gotten out of the pool and mingled with the rest of the crowd instead of making yourself exclusive to the pool!
if you don't like these girls or just want to be friends with them then that's understandable and i wouldn't worry about it. but if i'm understanding this correctly, this girl probably is into you, you're just not isolating and going for any close. you're friend is really not that hard to read. she compliments tom on his laugh and says she loves talking to him... well guess what? you complimented tom on having charisma and basically said you liked talking to him but he lacked AMOG characteristics. if you can see this, the females can as well so he's already blown out of the water.
you should really take everything this girl does as an ioi to you and you should've isolated tonight if you really wanted to. as for help on reading girls body language and knowing what they're thinking, i don't know what to tell you. maybe you should just hang out with this girl who's your friend and observe her actions towards guys. i don't have a problem in this area -- naturally, i can read a girl easily and i know if they want me or not so i don't know how to help you there.
well, it wasn't solely the two people that went for the car ride. most of the people were hungry and were going to mcdonalds for a meal. my friend tom, went with sarah and the guy that she was talking to. and all of her girlfriends left and followed them. there were two girls left, one which is my good friend, and another who i sort of know from school and is one year older than me. I had a good time with each one of them, i didn't have to do much to my friend cuz she already loves me. lol, but the girl that i know from school i talked to, negged her, then showed her a cool trick (value), then she started getting interested and asking me questions about other stuff off subject.. so i'd say that i worked well on her, but she got in the pool with a few other guys while i had already gotten out and dressed. I was mostly the center of attention for awhile while those guys were there.
finally the girls that went to get food got back, the guy friend that sarah made out with left (he was in a bad mood cuz she cut him off and told him off). some of the girls went to sit on the trampoline, while i didn't rush over and follow them - i stayed and talked to the other people that were in the pool, and were laying next to it. Finally i moved over to the trampoline.
I have a feeling you are right, and i guess i just am waiting for a sign from god to isolate her and close. I need to get in state before i go out for sure, and then maintain that state throughout the night. I feel thats my problem alot of the time, i'm losing my frame and falling into her frame where she has control.
I have to say things aren't going too badly though..
fade

abyss
07-26-2006, 12:53 PM
go for it
you got nothing to lose
one of my favorite quote "you'll always regret more the things you didnt do than the things u did"

fade
07-26-2006, 02:19 PM
go for it
you got nothing to lose
one of my favorite quote "you'll always regret more the things you didnt do than the things u did"
ah yes one of my favorites as well.
i'll keep that in mind tonight.
fade

Crooked
07-26-2006, 03:44 PM
just isolate and close tonight dude. i don't try to psych myself up with all that "i'll regret it if i don't do it" bullshit because that means you're making a big deal out of it, when it's not. whether you close this girl or not will mean nothing to you afterawhile. you might wish you would have tried but you're certainly not going to be down on yourself.
i don't like how you say you lose your frame when you're out around this girl. it shouldn't be a thought process, it should be a way of life for you. this goes much beyond MM or anything like that. you shouldn't lose your frame because your frame she be 100% coming from you. don't put up an act, girls will recognize this. make sure the frame your running is genuine and it is coming from inside. you need to BELIEVE that you are the prize. you need to BELIEVE everything this girl does is an ioi to you to close her. once you establish the inner, the outer will take care of itself.
and btw after i posted earlier i thought about it, and you should enlist the help of your friend tom. you need to learn as much from him as you can about being charismatic and a good story teller. my advice is too hang out with him a lot. when you hang out with someone you pick up their mannerisms. this should help you out a lot.
btw aim me and i'll tell you something you can try that might be successful tonight.

fade
07-26-2006, 09:24 PM
no update tonight, she stayed at home (which i'll give her shit for tomorrow, saying she's not much fun. lol) anyways, she had planned on coming out but our plans we never solid... we moved around from place to place and it was far away. legit excuse in my book, but whatever.
so tomorrow i'll chill with her, and she'll definitely come because friday morning i have surgery at 8 am. then i'll get her to bring me shit while i'm all cooped up in my bed.
lol
fade

fade
07-28-2006, 09:14 PM
an update to all of those that are following this.
the night before my surgery she hung out with some old friends (her parents were outta town and she was with her sister and an old friend staying there.) well see calls me and we meet up (her sister, friend, and my wing). Things got a bit awkward for her when my other friend showed up who she had made out with so she decided not to hang out with us, but she made it clear that wasn't why. I still gave her some shit for it, but all in good fun.
Anyways she calls later and invites me and my wing over to "watch old homemade movies of her, her sister, and friend." I didn't pass up that opportunity, thinking that i could isolate while my buddy takes care of the other two girls.. well I didn't take into consideration that she was working the remote and actually wanted to show us some stuff on those videos. so the night was bleak, but she did say she was going to come chill with me and bring me lots of ice cream and such when i got my tonsils out (today).
Today i had surgery at 6 am, and i gotta say i feel incredible. I'm on loritab right now, and am not suffering from any side effects. I actually went out for a few hours tonight and came back home. Anyways the update is that i'm seeing things the way i should have seen them from the beginning now. Subtle little hints (IOI'S) she's been giving off, i just need to isolate.
This will happen soon, no worries here. In the meantime i'll be reading alot and sitting on my laptop doing shit. I'm going to wait to make a move til i'm fully recovered, but that doesn't mean i can't escalate.
shit like her giving me kisses on the cheeks, back rubs, sitting on my lap while we watch a movie... etc are all in plan for the next week or so.
i'll be out of comission for about 2 weeks, but i'm going to come back stronger than fucking ever.
i'll keep ya updated bros.
fade

Starman
07-29-2006, 11:07 PM
Get better, then go for it already. I think you've already waited too long. It's possible to make a move and still be friends, so don't let that myth stop you. And being real friends with a serious LTR is a good thing.
But the longer you wait, the worse the chances. And you might well get the one-itis and orbit this girl when you don't have a chance if you don't push it now and make it break one way or the other. Already the timescale is way too long, and you're depending on casual group get togethers.
You shouldn't be waiting for an isolation opportunity, you should be creating it.

anwarjackson
07-30-2006, 08:51 AM
if your new at this go for it. Its just a newbie mission, git a girlfriend, with ANY girl. It will teach you alot about the game. Also you might try to "close" this girl by saying something like "Prove to me you want to be with me because I cant waste my time with a flake." You should be able to at least blow close (dont know actual term) this girl if you play your cards right.

fade
07-30-2006, 12:16 PM
yea i don't plan on waiting after i get better, she's already way into me.
fade

Homeboy
07-30-2006, 06:34 PM
if your new at this go for it. Its just a newbie mission, git a girlfriend, with ANY girl. It will teach you alot about the game. Also you might try to "close" this girl by saying something like "Prove to me you want to be with me because I cant waste my time with a flake." You should be able to at least blow close (dont know actual term) this girl if you play your cards right.
Careful what you say...unless she knows about this community she probably won't know what a flake is. If you do slip and she doesn't just assume she heard you say fake, you might have to explain what a flake is.
Just say fake to begin with.

TheMarsVolta
07-30-2006, 07:37 PM
Be the man, be the highest value person there. Be a social butterfly and DHV.
Focus those things and you always win. Almost always.

fade
07-30-2006, 10:04 PM
Careful what you say...unless she knows about this community she probably won't know what a flake is. If you do slip and she doesn't just assume she heard you say fake, you might have to explain what a flake is.
Just say fake to begin with.
flake is a common term, its not just a term for this community.
anyways as soon as my throat heals up and isn't gross anymore i'll move on, but i do plan on having her kiss my cheek and neck and stuff before i even get better. we'll see how things go. it'll be fun.
fade

Crooked
08-01-2006, 05:22 PM
flake is a common term, its not just a term for this community.
anyways as soon as my throat heals up and isn't gross anymore i'll move on, but i do plan on having her kiss my cheek and neck and stuff before i even get better. we'll see how things go. it'll be fun.
fade
tell her about this cool throat massage you heard about and have her try it on you

fade
08-06-2006, 11:33 PM
as an update to you guys, this one has been officially dropped. I say i don't care, but obviously i do a little.
I have a few reasons and i'll tell you guys why - first i am starting to get too involved with this one girl, and its not bringing out my better qualities.
next, my surgery to remove my tonsils left me in a position that was impossible to make a move. i've been out of commission for a week and a few days now and i'm finally getting over the pain. This also impaired my judgement as i was on pain medication the entire time and didn't spend much time out.
finally, i'm heading off to college in 5 days with an apartment with my wingman (who i'm slowly introducing to the game, he's a bit of a natural because he got into a ltr at an early age and doesn't have much reservation around women). The apartment will be kickass and i think this girl will be an awesome pivot. She shows great social proof, and is going to be in a sorority.
so this is why i have dropped this, I don't know how easy its going to be to look and not want to jump her, but i'll get over it.
as a final note, i do plan on doing as badboy's post on being the man on campus says. I will have a group of 10 girlfriends and be gaming each of their friends without gaming them. =D
fade