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View Full Version : How to fix things with my ex?



Lola
07-28-2014, 10:44 AM
Hi Guys

sorry this is a bit long but I'm hoping you can give me some advice on how to fix things with my ex.

Background:
I met my ex through his work about 4 1/2 years ago. We had instant chemistry and he had a major thing for me from the start. I liked him but I wasn't interested in getting involved with anyone and kind of dismissed him as a wannabe. I ran into him a year and a half later, we started talking and then kinda dating. That lasted for about a year but there was a lot of drama between us and around us that screwed things up between us. I was going though a lot personally and was needy and clingy and mistrustful and basically a a hot mess.

Eventually he got fed up and walked away. After we were apart I realized how terrible I'd been and that I had to fix some things in my life. 6 or 7 months ago, I finally I worked up the courage to call him and apologized.

He was receptive but we've only had a handful of communications since then.
But everytime, he offers up extra details about his life that I haven't asked like he isn't seeing anyone and he hasn't been partying, etc.

I think he's been creeping my social media and I know he's been re-reading messages. But I also think that in his mind I'm branded as drama and he can't see past that.

Since I started trying to reconnect with him, I'd guess I reach out about once a week. But I haven't made any effort with him in a couple of weeks because I've been busy focusing on my own life rather than driving myself nuts trying to figure out what to say that he'll respond to and I can build off of.

Problem:
I'm 99% sure I saw him the other day and I'm just as sure that he saw me too and backtracked to double check. I was in a restaurant, he was outside so would have been weird for me to go running out after him and vice versa.

Now I'm wondering: should I reach out and say something like 'hey think I saw you the other day, sorry I couldn't say hi, you're looking really good……'

Or, am I better off to remain silent and see if he reaches out to me or treat it as no-contact round 2?

Any other advice on what can I say or do to show him that the drama is over and that its worth giving us another shot?

kong88
08-01-2014, 08:42 AM
The first part is okay but the end is overkill: 'hey think I saw you the other day, sorry I couldn't say hi, you're looking really good……'

You want to be playful at first but dont give all your cards away (that you want to get back together). I think the best strategy is probably to hang out with him in a low pressure way, as friends, get to a comfortable place, then create some situation late at night where you wind up sleeping over. He'll probably try to get it on with you. If that happens, play it cool and be fun, and don't do any of the BS that made him break up with you the first time. If you can do that, then you can slowly work yourself back into being his GF without giving him a decisive moment where he'll stop and think about whether he wants to get back into it or not.

BassBoy
08-13-2014, 01:38 PM
Hey Lola, thanks for sharing dudette.

I would wonder why you're so fixated on this one guy, who you have a history of it not working with. Have you considered that if you're going to have a good relationship with someone, it would probably start off being good?

lassebauer
08-13-2014, 02:40 PM
You need to start dating him from scratch, like you would any other guy.
SHOW him (not tell) that the crap he and you as a couple experienced in the past IS in the past.
If you have changed, show it. kong88 has some valid points. Be playful, upbeat, approachable and take things one step at the time.
If "getting the whole package" is your main focus and goal, you´re gonna fuck it up.
Chunk it down, make smaller goals instead. One step at the time.