View Full Version : The Birthday Party

Takashi Miike
11-26-2011, 09:19 PM
David D. Angelo says to know what you want from a girl. If she doesn't meet your standards then it's time to hit the "next" button. Or, wait, I take that back. It's either time to hit the next button, or the girl who does not meet your standards, and is made aware of this, will start to qualify herself more to you. Then the ball is in your court. I'm still unclear as to which of these outcomes to expect. Perhaps both in the West. Perhaps just the "next" button in Japan.

Last night I went to a friend's birthday party in Roppongi. The venue was Havana Cafe, a Spanish-flav joint. My night started at McDonald's.

I get a lot of annoying AMOGing here, even at stores and restaurants. It's not that the cashier at McDonald's was particularly attractive or anything, but I asked her a question.

"Which do you recommend? The new 'Tomato Cream Gratin Croquette' sandwich or just the plain 'Gratin Croquette' with cheese?"

The manager, or, whatever, the other guy working with a stupid paper hat on, stopped what he was doing, butted in, overtook the menu, and said that he recommended the tomato cream. I didn't even look at him. I immediately shifted my whole body back to the cashier, looked her in the face, and said, "What do YOU recommend?"

The staff had a good laugh at this. I suspect it was an uncomfortable one. They got my point. I wasn't talking to that fucking guy, I was talking to the girl.

After dinner, my two pivots---K, American, girl, and A, Australian, girl---and I rode the train over to Roppongi. In my last post I talked about a girl I had met at a Taiwan/Japan party the previous week who I invited to this party. Her name was Sayaka. We were meeting at exit 7. I ran ahead of my two pivots to meet up with her. Her e-mails were vague about what the meet-up would consist of. She said she was inviting 5 friends.

"Cool," I thought. "Five girls. The more the merrier."

But she also said that her 5 friends were going to the party directly at 7, which was the time I was meeting Sayaka at the station.

"Ooo, does that mean we're meeting alone?" I thought about what we would do to warm up before the party---Starbucks, some dinner (for her, anyway. I had already ate)...

Turns out her 5 friends were actually 4 friends, and 2 of them were guys. I took a quick ratio count: there was me, 2 other guys, and 3 other girls. Three guys and three girls.

A "gokon" in Japanese is like a singles party. A group of girl friends and a group of guy friends (usually 2 guys, 2 girls, or 3 guys, 3 girls) go out to a bar and have dinner and drinks together. At this point they're supposed to mesh with the group and each find a suitable partner by the end of the night. I've always found this to be really weird. The Japanese are really shy and nervous when it comes to meeting potential mates, and not enough comfort is yet built on both sides for a 1-on-1 date right from the get-go. I think it's retarded, and I try to avoid "gokon". The situation tonight, however, seemed like one of those.

I lead them over to the bar, and we got in and situated. It was really weird at first. I tried greeting the birthday boy, my friend LJ.

"Where's the birthday boy?" I said to probably one of the hottest girls of the night.

She pointed him out to me, but he was busy talking to a group of people. I tried approaching, but, yeah, awkward, they were busy. My role as alpha that night was not off to a good start.

The hot girl, however---let's refer to her as HBLips---seemed to be into me right off the start. She was looking at me and smiling, and she didn't seem in too big a hurry to leave my vicinity. I would proceed to neg and tease her throughout the night. She was my target, and no doubt probably every guy in there's as well---about half foreign guys, half Japanese. The challenge was: how do I be the one that gets her at the end of the night?

The first set I opened was a Chinese woman and another Japanese girl, 2-set. They sat on a swinging bench. Neither of them was that attractive, but the Chinese woman was okay, I guess. I sat down with them and started straight off with El Diablo from fastseduction.com's "4 Magic Questions".

I've been reading El Diablo's archives recently, and he mentioned the 4 Magic Questions on multiple occasions with girls. The problem was, he only wrote about the ANSWERS the girls gave to the questions, not the actual questions. I had to do my best to read into the answers and guess what the questions were. Here's what I deduced:

4 Magic Questions:

1) You wake up in a white room. There's white walls, white ceiling, white floor... There's nothing, no furniture or anything in the room. How do you feel in the room, and why?

2) What's your favorite color? Why?

3) What's your favorite animal? (Japanese people usually say "dog" or "cat", and that gets boring to me, so I usually say they have to pick their favorite zoo animal.) Why?

4) You wake up, and you're not in a white room anymore. You're on a beach. You see a huge blue sea out in front of you and nice white sand. No people. There's a lounge chair and parasol on the beach. In the water is a raft. What's the first thing you do? Why?

I always stick the "why"s in there, otherwise the Japanese will just answer the question in the least amount of words possible. This is an exercise in getting them to open up to you, so the "why" is key. Getting off topic, where she's telling you stories from her life, is key.

I'm kind of a tease, and a party guy, though, with a short attention span. I played the 4 magic questions with the 2 girls. I told them I'd give them the explanation when they had answered all the questions. After they answered the questions I said, "Okay, now is the time for the explanation. But I have to go to the bathroom, so I'll tell you when I get back. See you!"

That was funny. I had built up all that mystery only to never release it. It was a great way to get my first set of the night out of the way.

I had come with a lot of friends. I was making sure I always had someone around me that I was engaging in conversation or telling jokes to. Mystery says that the more girls other girls see you with, the more attractive they find you, the more social proof you show.

However, I do not think this is the case in Japan for picking up chicks. It seems to me the more girls other girls see you with, the more they label you as a "playboy", or "player" as we call it. A horny guy that just wants to get laid and then move onto the next girl. And if it's not that, if the other girls see a girl gaming you by herself, then they think you're a couple, or that you 2 like each other. Therefore they don't need to think about the possibility of being with you anymore. The effect of having tons of girls around you all the time seems to have this effect. It does not seem to work out in your favor in Japan. Let's start another paragraph.

See, girls in the West are more competitive with each other than they are in Japan. Westerners in general are more competitive. If they see something they want, they go out and get it, sometimes by less-than-honorable means. Getting what you want and success in the West means you work against others, like a battle. However, Japan is not a country of competition. It's a culture of peace and teamwork that they use to achieve their goals. They are not successful via an individual's pursuits but via how the group works in harmony. When you're at a party in Japan, you're all team members. You're all part of a group that is rooted in harmony. If a Japanese girl sees a guy she likes with other girls, she's not going to compete. She's going to bow out and let her teammate through.

I had a few beers in me and was getting antsy. HBLips was out talking to practically every guy in the club, and she had never approached me aside from the beginning. I saw her wearing dear antlers at one point and, in passing, stole them off the top of her head and put them on. She did not run after me and say, "Hey, those are mine!" as I intended her to.

Actually, I sat down to smoke, big deer antlers on my head, and she came over to the area and sat down next to another guy. WTF?

Later, I went back to the swinging bench where I opened the first 2-set. HBLips was sitting there.

"Hey! You stole me seat."

Another girl stood up and said, "Please, sit down. She's all yours. She's so cute."

"No no no, I am NOT sitting next to her," I said in a playful way. And I didn't. All of this teasing and negging was an attempt to stand out from the rest of the guys who just plop down and start talking her ear off and asking her boring questions. I wanted her to game me.

Later, I would lose my cigarettes. I would go back to the swinging bench and find them in HBLips' purse. I'm sure it was by sheer coincidence, but I playfully accused her of being a cigarette thief.

To ease my frustrations with HBLips, I decided it was time to get to know Sayaka, the one I had invited to the party in the first place. I took her by the arm and lead her to the upstairs of the bar.

"Why are we going upstairs?" she said.

"It's too noisy down here."

Finally, I was playing the game right. Isolating.

We sat down side-by-side at a table, and I ran "4 Magic Questions" on her.

The answers:

1) She felt sad in the white room (I said that she was looking for a man who would make her happy and who was always smiling and would take her to many fun places).

2) Her favorite color was blue (I said she was a very calm person who liked to feel relaxed and was looking for a man who could make her feel that way. She showed me a blue neckless she was wearing that she got from Greece. She always wore blue in some way or another).

3) Her favorite zoo animal was a horse. I asked her if a horse was a zoo animal, and she laughed and said no and changed it to the generic "panda". I decided to stick with the horse (I said horse was her favorite animal because she wanted a strong man who was a good leader. This would help her to feel calm and relaxed and have fun---these tied in the answer from number 1).

She also mentioned in this explanation that her husband was like that. Her husband. Read again, H-U-S-B-A-N-D. This whole time she had been married. The girl I number-closed at the T&J party, the one who was "gokon"ing me, married! I was speechless for a bit too long, but I pushed through and went onto number 4.

4) The first thing she would do at the beach was swim (I said that that meant she was adventurous. I asked her what kinds of adventures she had been on. She had been traveling. Sightseeing.

"Any ADVENTURES during this sightseeing?"

"Just sightseeing."

I do not take this kind of response as IOD. Japanese people just on the whole do not go very far off the beaten path.)

The thing is, I could have made the mistake of just ending the conversation after the bomb was dropped on answer 3, the husband thing. But, you know what, I don't think the husband matters. She goes out to parties with her friends, "gokon" style, she meets new guys, gets their phone number, e-mails them. Girls here always have some kind of dude in their lives until someone better comes along. It's still on with Sayaka, I think.

The only mistakes I think I made with the 4 Magic Questions is keeping it too centered on her ideal man. To be honest, I have no idea what the rules are and how to play this. I need to do a Google search or something.

The party would be ending soon, so I taught Sayaka the phrase "Let's bounce". I tried to get her to wing me while I tried to move the party elsewhere. She didn't wing me, but it was still fun. I think she liked, "Let's bounce."

HBLips was still there. She was talking to another dude and wearing the deer antlers again. I stole them off the top of her head again, "Why do you keep stealing my ears?" I said.

I would have an actual conversation with HBLips later to find that she didn't speak much English (or was just pretending not to). She didn't go to high school and was working as an office lady. Ummm, we didn't have much of a conversation. This girl was not what I was looking for. She had a achieved nothing in life and could yet still get by on her good looks. David DeAngelo says know what you're looking for in a woman, and if she doesn't meet your standards, then "next" her. The thing is, I could have "next"ed her, but she would still go on to be the hottest girl at the party, get all of the guys' phone numbers, and the alpha male of the group would still win her over and have sex with her. "Next"ing a hot girl is not retaining value in my mind, it is losing value. It is admitting defeat. It could have been that the bitch shield was still up. Maybe that's why we couldn't talk. The only reason I did try to talk and have a normal conversation instead of fucking with her more was because this was a sticking point of mine: never making an emotional connection.

Later, the Chinese woman I opened in the first 2-set tried salsa dancing with me. She was hitting on me all night. When I would get home at the end of the night, I would check Facebook and see a friend request from her. I would not know how she found me, as my name is unsearchable.

And when I couldn't take it anymore with HBLips, when my testosterone was on full-octane, when I had done everything that I was supposed to be doing,

1) Not hanging around the target all night
2) Surrounding myself with other girls
3) Talking and being sociable with other people
4) Negging and being playful
5) Standing out from the rest of the crowd
6) Ummm...leaning back? Ummm...everything?

I was on my last straw. I was gonna make something happen with HBLips. Something.

She was with 2 other Japanese guys, speaking their own language, using their own words. I had no idea what they were talking about. She was in the middle of these 2 guys. They were either engaging her or boring her. Attracting her, or unattracting her. I walked right in between the 2 guys, and said to HBLips, "Jamma".

In Japanese, "Jamma" is roughly equivalent to "You're in my way" in this context. I use it a lot in a variety of different social situations, and it 99% of the time gets a laugh. It's something you say when someone walks right in front of you on the street, or when there's high traffic congestion, or just when someone's in your way. I, however, say it out of the blue and with a joking tone to my voice. Like to a friend:

"Good morning. How are you? Jamma!":)

The majority of the time it gets a laugh because it's so short and jarring.

So I walked in between the 2 guys, didn't even look at them, went right up to HBLips and said, "Jamma."

She laughed and moved out of the way.

I went up to her again and kind of body-bumped her. "You're still in my way."

She laughed and moved way out of the way. All the way towards the staircase that lead to the second floor. (I had literally body-bumped her away from the guys and into isolation.) She was in front of the stairway.

"You're still in my way. See, all I wanted to do was go upstairs to get another drink and you keep standing in my way."

Either I body-bumped her a few more times, or I didn't body-bump anymore at all and just lifted her off her feet and laid her on the floor. I stood over her as if I was the champion of a wrestling match. She was out of breath she was laughing so hard. I picked her up off the floor by the waist and drug her to some couches. A woman was sitting there.

"Hold on, she needs a rest, please move out of the way. Jamma," I said to the woman sitting there.

When HBLips and I were finally seated, I got her number and told her that I had fun messing around with her that night, but we never really got to know each other. I asked what she was doing next week. She said she was going to Okinawa and would be back on Dec. 10th.

Do I think we'll actually meet up when she gets back? No. Why? I went on what I would consider a very successful date with a beautiful J-girl once just before she was leaving for a scuba diving trip to Bali. I never heard from her again. These girls get hit on all the time, and it's all a matter of timing, and I guess whoever happens to be in her general vicinity the longest.

A group of us bounced not too long after to the club Wall Street. It was a place to kill about an hour before last train.

Sayaka and her crew went with us, and she had located another one of her friends who didn't go to the birthday party. I immediately got IOIs from her upon first saying hello. Doggy Dinner Bowl Eye-type stuff. It was on with this girl, I thought.

Wall Street was 1,000 yen for 2 drink tickets and a free shot. Great deal. I fluffed with new friend, NF, for a little bit, and I said I'd buy her a drink if she bought me a drink after that.

Now, before all of the alarms in your heads start going off about never buying a girl a drink, this was different. We had already paid for the drinks at the door and had received drink tickets. It's not the same as pulling out a wad of money to try and impress a girl, buying her a drink, and her walking off. It's playful. It's fun. It's a fucking drink ticket. And she did buy the second round, mind you ;)

NF liked the same kind of music I did. I had her show me her iPod, and she had an album by The Horrors, which just so happened to be the most recent album I downloaded. She also had a Radiohead live album which I didn't have. I told her next time we met up I wanted to rip it from her. She wore Converse All-Stars. She was, *gasp*, for once in Japan, my type!

However, there was one guy in our group, one of Sayaka's "friends", who was talking to her a lot. He talked to Sayaka a lot too at the party. He talked to everyone a lot. And not "a lot" in a good sense, "a lot" in that I kept wondering, "What the hell are they talking about for so long?" Was this guy that interesting that he could just stand in one spot with a girl for like half an hour and keep her attention? Were the girls just standing there listening to him out of politeness? I had no idea. Were they having deep, philosophical, life-changing conversations or something? What the fuck could they be talking about for so damn long?

In my experience in Japan I would see a lot of this. I'd see a guy and a girl just stand there and talk in a loud-ass club. I'd see 2 guys and 2 girls just talking and standing around. After about an hour I would see the 2 guys, or 1 guy, alone and looking around for the next girl to talk to for an hour, only for her to walk off again after the conversation. Politeness here certainly does waste a lot of time.

Another one of my pivots, L, American, girl, (see 2 posts ago titled, "We'll Just 'Sleep' Sleep Together") who I'm about half attracted to had missed her last train and was going to be with us the rest of the night. She was giving me IOIs pretty much the whole night. She's a really shy girl. We also like the same music. Think Portishead, but I think they're too dark. They put me in a bad mood. I give her shit for liking Portishead.

We did this shoe flirting thing where I tried to steal her shoes off her feet, and she would take them off and hold onto them real tight so I couldn't get them. She, J (another American friend), and I were all getting the same last train home. L had already missed hers, and J and I lived in the same area, so either she would be staying with him or me.

I still think J talks too much. He's a fun guy, and he's funny, and we get along, but I don't know how well his mouth does him in regards to getting laid. L started playing with her hair a lot on the train ride---more IOIs to me. J would do most of the talking, but my occasional chime-ins were quite skillful and DHV-spikey. I have no idea what to do with Japanese people, but I know my sense of humor and how to use it to great effect when it comes to Americans. I have a very strong reality and specific tastes when it comes to relating to people of my own culture. I have no idea what to do with Japanese girls, though. No idea.

We got to our station, and I suggested getting ramen. We ate, talked about sex, and the whole time L was giving me IOIs, playing with and twisting her hair anxiously. I needed a wingman. A wing-woman at that. I needed someone else to distract J so that L and I could escape and do our own thing. That wasn't going to happen though.
J and L were good friends. She would be sleeping at his place that night.

I walked them back to J's place, and I went inside for a few minutes. He only had a small mat to sleep on, and she would be sleeping on the floor. I have a bed that fits 2. I told them I was leaving, and L said something to me as I was closing the door. I couldn't hear what it was, but I knew she was disappointed that tonight couldn't have gone differently.

And so concludes "The Birthday Party". Stay tuned for the next adventure, "Karaoke".