Have you ever sat and wondered to yourself why women want the 'jerk'...?

Or have you looked at friends / acquaintances relationships' and been unable to understand why that smoking hot girl is still with that guy who treats her like shit...?

And thought to yourself, if she could only see how sweet and nice you are she would want you...?

This is perhaps the number 1 question Im asked on pretty much every bootcamp Ive instructed on.

Lets start from the beginning - I am NOT going to tell you to stop being *a* nice guy, what we are going to deal with is why women dont want *the* nice guy.

The major difference between the two is this; *the* nice guy EMOTIONALLY OVERREACHES.

Some examples of this:
  • ...*the* nice guy turns up to a first coffee date with flowers & chocolates
  • ...*the* nice guy tries to be 'friends' with a girl he likes, hoping that it can turn into something else when she shes what a nice guy he is
  • ...*the* nice guy puts up with her bullshit even if it crosses his boundaries e.g. answers to phone to her at 3am to hear her crying about how her jerk boyfriend has cheated on her ponly to find out shes back with him the next week

Before we start, let me say officially : women dont want jerks. They do, however, want, enjoy and even need, the emotions the 'jerk' guy can give them.Before anyone takes me the wrong way let me clarify what I mean by 'nice'

'Nice' = boring
'Nice' = neutral
'Nice' = no challenge

'Nice' is kindness with an agenda, you're doing something for someone with the expectation of getting something back, and its not just girls that can smell this a mile off. Ever been in a position of power or authority and had people suck up to you to leech your value? Not a nice feeling is it.

Would you want a woman like this? I suspect not.

By constantly supplicating and acceeding to everything she asks of you, you become dull, uninteresting & not a challenge. Saying this, make sure you dont go and become the asshole jerk - being a polar at anything in pick up, and life in general, is a bad idea. You dont want to be the suck up good guy constantly, and you dont want to be the unavailable tease constantly either.

People want and need boundaries , and as such will test them; women will push you until they find yours so they know where they stand and what kind of guy you are. Braddock and Mr M discuss this in superb depth in their Inner Game seminar, (you can check out Mr M 's article on Inner Game on the Attraction Forums here)

If you allow her to break a boundary you consider important, for example she is mad at you for no reason and wont give you an explanation, she will lose respect for you as she knows she can do what she wants and you will put up with it. She is also more likely to repeat this behaviour as you have set the precident that this behaviour is acceptable.

The old 'cat-string' theory is a great way of visualising this problem; if you tease a kitten with a piece of string it will go crazy trying to catch it and have a lot of fun in the process.

This was the old adage.

The problem is guys take this so far that they never let the kitten grab the string, which results in it getting bored. What I mean is as I said above you cant be a constant tease as she will inevitably lose interest.

Women LOVE confidence and dominance which nice guys NEVER exude - they are too scared of doing something she wont like and it will result in them losing the girl.

Let me give you an example:
  • *The* nice guy takes a girl on a date, she arrives and he ask where she wants to go & where she wants to go. Nice guys dont have a plan, theyre so worried about losing the girl that they will avoid making any decisions in case they upset or offend her.
  • *A nice guy arranges to meet a girl, and when she arrives he says 'OK, which do you like more, chinese or Italian?' She says, 'Chinese'. He takes her hand and says 'awesome, I know this amazing chinese, we're going there.
Do you see the difference?

I dont want guys reading this to lose those qualities that make them *a* nice guy - chivalry, manners, thoughtfulness etc - the fact is this; we guys have to 'earn' sex from women, but women have to 'earn' the nice side of you.

All the things Ive listed here not to do, would be perfectly acceptable if the woman in question is a girl you're dating or a girlfriend.

So how do you become this condfident guy?

The answer is via a concept that we have been teaching for years: abundance theory - and this will be the subject of Part 2.

-5.0