Discuss How do you neg long time girl-friend? at the The 30+ Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; How do you neg long time girl-friend?
You meet hot girl, try and act nice ...
How do you neg long time girl-friend?
You meet hot girl, try and act nice and cool in a bid to attract her, somewhere along the way you become her friend instead of her bedmate! You start learning PUA pointers, they actually seem to work and you ask yourself why you've been behaving like an AFC all your life. Then suddenly, "light bulb!" You have been handed the opportunity to reverse your shortcomings and in the process turn those hot girl-friends into bedmates! Problem is; you're already so familiar with them. How will they react when you start NEGGING? Get a C&F attitude? They'll obviously realise I am not the same person; will they think it odd? How can I make up for lost opportunties? Does anyone know how to handle this situation? PLEASE HELP!
Forget about any woman who LJBF'd you and focus on inner game. You're improving yourself, and any woman may get a chance to enjoy that if she proves herself worthy.
As for how-to, use them as social proof. Let them see you with other hot women. They'll realize on their own what a catch you are and you'll be in A2. Then the word will get out. The'll tell their friends, and the friends will come around. Once you've got that going, it makes more sense to keep them out there producing instead of getting involved with them.
I would be interested in any info on this topic myself, because after learning & using some of these skills, Im very tempted to go back and try it on two or three old LJBF's.
Silver' suggestion of forgetting about old LJBF's and moving on is probably the best course of action. But then there are those 2-3 (and we ALL have 'em)
nuts we could never crack, but really wanted, And we'd like a second shot with our new skills.
I'd imagine that there would have to be some timespan that you didnt interact at all. At least a year or two (or more) Most people change over time, and she might see you in a different light.
But with a current or recent LJBF, I doubt it would work. She'll just think you're behaiving wierd, and take it the wrong way. Only time will help here.
It is mostly about inner game. Get some experience under your belt with other women. If they already have you in the LJBF slot it's hard to get out of it right away. Women can smell it when you are overcompensating or reaction seeking, no matter how subtle you think you are being.
You really have to detatch and "not give a fuck" and behave with conviction and purpose.
Kind of like when a girl breaks up with YOU. After a while you get over it and start to move on. Then in some psychic way she calls out of the blue and wants to be back in your life. Some how they "know"
This behavior has to come naturally through experience.
I think almost all women give men an "opt out" option early on. Guys don't also know when to go AFC to get out of something that has potential to be bad in the long run. If you become her "friend" just watch from the sidelines from that point on and learn.
You would need to be out of their lives for a while (but still keeping in touch) and start over if you're going to neg. You would use that time for inner game, self improvement, and a change of attitude, not necc. rude, but not eager to please or be at their beckon call. And she may find someone by the time you want to do this.
I just think if it didn't work the first time, why go back if there's no kids involved? The 'real you' is going to come out. If by some weird force of nature and coincidence you're being drawn to each other, that's another story. Take it slow, give it time, and no rush, enjoy your life.
When an incredibly hot girl or even slightly above average but might have "assets" walks in the room, people will open doors, let her go to the front of the line, guys will trip, fall and stumble to help her out, they'll try to keep her attention and also inconvenience everyone else that's there. Out of the other guys there, what is going to make you stand out from the rest of the guys? What makes you more interesting?
Recent Success in This Area
So I don't have answers for you, but I can tell you what happened and maybe you can gleam some useful information from this.
The girl was a friend from college who basically LJBFed me and was more attracted to my roomate. Enventually I just moved on and was still nice and friends with her but contact definately started to fade.
Fast forward 5 years. Still just had her in the phone list and probably talked to her once or twice a year. I had moved away and was flying back for the holidays to see some family and friends. I talked to her and we decided to get some lunch one day when i was back.
So plans changed and the lunch had to be pushed back to dinner. (so with rearranging plans I had talked with her on the phone in 2 days more than i had in the past 2 years) We met up and talked about old times and the usual friends stuff. After dinner and walking back out to the car I was just a little curious if I could have some fun that night and had a what the hell moment and positioned myslef for the kiss. I moved in without hesitation and kissed her. instantly she freaked out a bit. I just kept my composure and laughed a bit agreeing with her that it was a little wierd but that I just wanted to give it a try. After all we both have changed since the last time we saw each other. And then I kissed her again. and this time she didn't flinch. So the night ended in a very high-school esque back seat make out session. Until the cops knocked. That was quite funny.
After that night we didn't see each other again until she had a conference in my city and I told her she could crash at my place if she wanted to stay longer and sight see for a few days. We saw a few sights, however it quickly moved into spending a lot of time at home in bed.
So it is possible but i think it requires a decent amount of time to pass to give your new personality to come across as a genuine change.