Discuss Need advice on how to move forward at the The 30+ Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Need advice on how to move forward
Guys, I need a bit of advice. Here ...
Need advice on how to move forward
Guys, I need a bit of advice. Here is the story.
I work for an investment bank in london. 3 weeks ago, I got off the tube close to work and saw this blonde chick walking on the street. I don't approach chicks that early in the day but I was in the mood that day. Stopped her and told her I wanted to take her out. Straight like that. She was very happy and gave me her email. Funny thing is, she works for a law firm and my employer (the bank) is her client...anyways.
First date with her went pretty well. We had drinks somewhere and food. She seemed quite interested. I found out that it was her birthday next week and she was going on holiday with her friends to celebrate. All good...She went away for a week, we texted each other sometimes and then she got back. I got her a spa treatment as bday present and wrote her a letter. She was ecstatic about these. Sent me many thanks etc.
Since then we went out to dinners, I cooked for her etc. Now, here are the issues:
1) We dated 4 times so far and I barely kissed her on the 4th date. She kissed me back but left quite soon. (I know I don't have bad breath or anything)
2) She mentioned once that she feels "different" from her friends because they are all either married or have long term relationships while she has been single.
Looking at above, I started feeling that she is not really attracted to me but she is giving it a chance because she is insecure about her single-dom. She just wants a boyfriend fast. Someone like me who has his life together but not necessarily attractive to her. This is bothering me a lot. I stopped getting in touch with her since yesterday. She will realize it in a day or two. I am just not sure how to proceed.... I find her very attractive but hate the possibility that she is dating me just because of insecurities and not because she likes me for who I am...
What have YOU done to escalate and sexualize the interaction. Not going for a kiss until the FOURTH date may seem like a gentlemanly thing to do, but it also can come across as you being disinterested or just not aggressive enough for her.
You went with BIG gifts really early but then didn't throw the "follow through punch" by trying to kiss her or more. It's actually YOU that are giving the mixed messages here. You met her and got her number BECAUSE YOU WERE DIRECT AND AGGRESSIVE, and now you turn AFC on her, she is probably either wondering where that first guy went, or what is wrong with HER because you must not be attracted to her since you haven't continued being assertive.
So give her a couple days if you want but the next time you see her you need to turn up the heat and kiss her or at least be more touchy, like grab her hand or put your arm around her when you walk. If I was you I would make it a point to kiss her within the first 5 mins the next time you meet and make it something funny but still sexy and plan a fun evening from there.
100% agree with Muggzy. You went from total man to total wuss. Lead her! Don't mean to sound so harsh however I can relate to you. I went on way too many dates only to be placed in the "provider zone". Be the man, be the lover. Don't be afraid to lose her because if you do not step up, she is gone. I give you props for having cajones to approach her and take what you want. Just follow through.
You can't be buying a woman a spa treatment the week after meeting her. That is crazy to me. Way to many "romantic" maneuvers with very few exciting fun dates. Focus on being different. Do different dates which make her realize you aren't the same as the other wusses that fawn over her, buy her things, and aren't original.
I understand where your coming from with worrying you might just be a 'viable option' I have felt that too before, but you really should know soon (it may be to early to tell) if shes REALLY INTO YOU.
Agree you need to esculate, get the drinks flowing, get some music on. Make some sexy remarks let her know your expecting it tonight, I dont know something like if she does something silly say "Hmmm, I'm going to have to spank your ass later for that later!" in a fun joking way.
Assume attraction and go for it, you got nothing to lose.
Dont 'buy' her.
Hi guys. Thanks for giving me straight up advice. Very helpful. Update on my story: I decided to give her some space and stopped chasing her. After a few days she sent me emails asking how I am etc. She is quite nice and genuine. Don't think she is playing any games with me at all. I decided to stop thinking and over analyzing things and just let it flow. Stopped trying to figure out what her intentions are etc. We went on a few more dates (dinners, drinks etc) and kept building comfort with each other. During these dates, I was nice and interested, tried to get to know who she is really. What a lovely woman. I liked her a lot. Last night, she came to my place after our date and I had the best sex I had in a long time. Just realized how nice it is to be intimate with someone that you like. There was so much passion between us. I was the man and she was the woman. Like that. Anyways, just wanted to say thank you for the advice guys. I am starting to like being in my thirties and a bit more mature
Keep in the back of your mind part of this might be peer pressure and pressure on herself to be in a LTR.
Find out more about why she's enjoyed the single life and doesn't really care for a relationship. And let her know there's no rush on the relationship.
Sometimes women grow to like & love someone, it's their own insecurities most of the time.
Have some pride, man. How to proceed is start dating other chicks who do like you for you. Bang her if you get the chance.
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