Got dissed by Cougar after suggesting she pay

[shokat]

So im 31 and all my life have always paid for dates with girls and girlfriends and rarely let them pay and usually if they did pay it wouldn't be until many dates into our relationship or she was my girlfriend.

So I have posted questions before about paying for dates and the general response was that it's ok to let her pay after a few dates or something to that effect.

So heres my problem.

I was seeing this super hot 44 year old cougar. We went out 3 times had sex after the 2nd date several times. Then on our 4th planned meet up the night before we talked on the phone and since we were going to be spending the next day in her city she was asking me what type of restaurant I would like to go to and I said, "Well why don't you just pick a place and take me out since I took you out the last several times." Now I have never in my life said this to a girl before and I don't really know why I decided now was the time, maybe because I was tired of always be the one who pays although I really did like her. So after I said that I felt her tone change a little and suspected she might have been taken aback by that but we still planned our next day together and ended the call. The next day she calls me and says she wanted to talk to me and that me saying that really turned her off and that she doesn't want to have a romantic relationship with me any longer but is cool with staying friends and seeing if the vibe redevelops. She said that was a huge turn off to her and that she is not a gold digger at all but thinks that a guy can be more tactful then just overtly saying something like that. So since that night about a week ago she texted me saying that she is open to a friend ship and lets give ourselves a week or so to chill out and then we can see how the vibe is.

So I'm really pissed at myself because I screwed up a good thing, I wish I would have just shut my mouth and never said that. My dad and best friend think she is being way to bitchy about it and some other people think I was rude and she is right.

So here is my question.

#1 what is your guys opinion about what happened?

#2 What can I do to recover after she says she wants to just explore a friendship and wait a week to talk? Keep in mind that she was super into me and was totally wanting to have sex all the time and really spend time with me. But this one comment seemed to have just killed her attraction to me.

[DeadEyeDick]

"Well why don't you just pick a place and take me out since I took you out the last several times."

This isn't your cousin, it's a chick you're dating.

The advice on the Forum about who pays for what probably applies better to a younger crowd and more at the beginning when you're going on casual and inexpensive dates.

Don't do that again and you'll be fine.

The concept of her "taking you out" should always be her idea, not yours, as it's a major role reversal. Highly risky and with what potential reward? You save $40?

[skypirate1965]

Originally Posted by shokat

...The next day she calls me and says she wanted to talk to me and that me saying that really turned her off and that she doesn't want to have a romantic relationship with me any longer but is cool with staying friends and seeing if the vibe redevelops...

That's interesting it's implying that she is willing to be persuaded. I would leave her for a few weeks and do not contact her at all. Then contact her and re-game. What have you got to lose? If it doesn't work just learn from this experience. Maybe you should just directly apologise to her. As long as it works I wouldn't be concerned it's considered an AFC thing to do.

Regarding paying for things. I think you have to use your judgement and intuition in each situation. I certainly know that I'm reluctant to bear the full costs on a 'date' and I'm into sharing costs in general.

[DeadEyeDick]

Originally Posted by skypirate1965

Regarding paying for things. I think you have to use your judgement and intuition in each situation. I certainly know that I'm reluctant to bear the full costs on a 'date' and I'm into sharing costs in general.

I have found that when I cast bread upon the waters, it comes back sandwiches.

In other words, when I'm generous, it tends to make the women I'm with generous in return.

Focusing on pinching pennies sometimes turns the focus towards money instead of having fun.

Dating through dining is expensive, so I often make dinner at my place for the two of us.

[silversixone]

Women over 40 grew up with the model of the man paying for (almost) everything, and they're not really ready to let go of that. They see it as alpha. And we all know what being seen as alpha means.


Silver

[MuGGzy]

I would let her stew for a bit, give it a few days and maybe send her a 1 line txt with something vaguely nice and steamy. IE. "Remembering our last evening together" or something so it pulls her mind back to the last time she was really digging on you. See what her response is. Next time you are together just be honest and tell her you possibly misspoke and you now realize it came off tacky and move on to more positive subjects and resign yourself to the fact that for the foreseeable future you will be paying. Think of it as penance for putting your foot in your mouth. :-)

I am in an odd relationship right now with an older lady but it started out that way, she pays for just about everything because she has money and I am still in recovery from a messy divorce so basically for us it comes down to "If I pay we go cheap, if you want to do something really FUN she pays". I just make sure I NEVER appear to take it for granted and assume anything, I am very attentive and appreciative so she is getting something out of it too.

[shokat]

Originally Posted by DeadEyeDick

"Well why don't you just pick a place and take me out since I took you out the last several times."

This isn't your cousin, it's a chick you're dating.

The advice on the Forum about who pays for what probably applies better to a younger crowd and more at the beginning when you're going on casual and inexpensive dates.

Don't do that again and you'll be fine.

The concept of her "taking you out" should always be her idea, not yours, as it's a major role reversal. Highly risky and with what potential reward? You save $40?

Thanks. I get the feeling that the general consensus is to let things chill for a bit. This happened one week ago, our last contact was via text on Sunday where she stated she is open to a friendship. She said lets wait a week or so and see how the vibe is.

So my question is should I text or call within a weeks time like she suggested or wait even longer like two weeks? BTW I did apologize both on the phone and I said I am sorry for being such an ass via text.

Thanks for all the great answers guys really helping me out a lot.

[mybad]

Don't take the bait. You did nothing wrong. On the contrary. You did good. Your dad was right on. She froze you out (LJBF'ed you). Her way of controlling you. Her message to you: "Pay if you want sex". Fcuk that! A PUA always has the hammer. When an HBx does that kind of thing, she's an HB0 inside.

There are so many ways to handle this. I'm a nexting SOB mindfcuker and don't tolerate this kind of behaviour. Here's the mybad way:

Text her on Tue or Wed ->

mybad: "Hey sugar, guess what - I just got a promotion and want to take you out to dinner at Expensive Restaurant this Friday night to celebrate - my treat. I'll pick you up at 6pm"

her: "Sounds great! See you then!"

At this point she's wet for you again.

NOW, HERE'S WHAT YOU TEXT HER FRIDAY AT 5:45pm

mybad: "Hey sugar, I have to bail. Debbie just invited me out and I can't say no to her. I hope you understand.".

[Oh that's just nasty - he he he]

her: "You asshole - bla bla bla"

You must not reply to anything she says or contact her again. Most AFCs cannot ignore an HB. It comes naturally to me though.

[shokat]

Originally Posted by mybad

Don't take the bait. You did nothing wrong. On the contrary. You did good. Your dad was right on. She froze you out (LJBF'ed you). Her way of controlling you. Her message to you: "Pay if you want sex". Fcuk that! A PUA always has the hammer. When an HBx does that kind of thing, she's an HB0 inside.

There are so many ways to handle this. I'm a nexting SOB mindfcuker and don't tolerate this kind of behaviour. Here's the mybad way:

Text her on Tue or Wed ->

mybad: "Hey sugar, guess what - I just got a promotion and want to take you out to dinner at Expensive Restaurant this Friday night to celebrate - my treat. I'll pick you up at 6pm"

her: "Sounds great! See you then!"

At this point she's wet for you again.

NOW, HERE'S WHAT YOU TEXT HER FRIDAY AT 5:45pm

mybad: "Hey sugar, I have to bail. Debbie just invited me out and I can't say no to her. I hope you understand.".

[Oh that's just nasty - he he he]

her: "You asshole - bla bla bla"

You must not reply to anything she says or contact her again. Most AFCs cannot ignore an HB. It comes naturally to me though.

Well I must say I respect your ability to next HB's so easily. I have to admit I havn't gotten their just yet. Mostly because of the scarcity versus abundance frame that I am working on improving. But out of all the women I have been with in my life minus this incident this is a very decent kind and caring women and I couldn't do something that shallow to her. So aside from that do you have any other advice regarding who to go about reconnecting with her?

[DeadEyeDick]

Don't waste your time with schemes.

The ploy above is kind of 7th grade.