Discuss how to build attraction/sexual tension with taken girl over a long period of time? at the The 18-21 Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; how to build attraction/sexual tension with taken girl over a long period of time?
how to build attraction/sexual tension with taken girl over a long period of time?
ive just spent the last week reading the venusian arts handbook and about 100 posts on these forums and im learning alot, awesome forum you guys got going here
anyway, i hope i can get some tailored advice, i think ive read way to much and it's totally confusing me, any advice will be most appreciated.
so heres my sitution
i work with this girl thats in a strong ltr going for 6 years and she obviously likes him, i can't do any 'bf destroying' because i don't know him, and whenever he is mentioned i always change the subject (i think thats what ur meant to do), and plus i just don't like to hear about it, i never ask about him. thankfully, she's not the type that talks about her man alot either.
ive tried the attract/comfort/cocky comedy thing, but i meet this girl every single day and it can only works for so long i believe. i guess my main question is, if you're with a girl over an extended period of time (and you have no say over this), should you keep telling DHV stories? keep being cocky/funny? negs? etc. i know ive made her laugh alot in our first 2 weeks, but i can't keep being a funny monkey.
ive tried to escalate, but she's resisted, a few times in fact, probably because she's taken. and thats where the problem is. but we're still good friends.
the problem here is, i want to carry on a deep conversation with her about her life to build comfort/attraction. etc but inevitably it WILL bring up her boyfriend, and i dont want to handle that. they are in the same social cirle of friends (duh), so if i talk about how was her weekend, he will pop up. if i talk about her family, he will pop up (their families elders are friends), if i talk about her education, he will pop up (same college), so i can't seem to delve into her life without bumping into this guy.
let me give u guys a sample convo
me: so how many brothers u got?
her: 2 older brothers
me: oh thats cool, what do they do for a living?
her: they study engineering at college, like my boyfriend, thats how we met.
me: oh, (convo quitens down while i think of something else to talk about)
anyway, i have accepted 100% that this girl will NOT break up with her man for me (my games just not good enough, hell i dont even have a game yet), but im hoping that i can build enough attraction and/or sexual tension so that when the relationship goes to the rocks, she remembers me, i wont even mind a 1 night stand!!. so what would mystery do?
please help with anything. thanks all.
when she brings up her BF you change the topic so you can get the "its ok, everythings cool" message across.
the attract/comfort/cocky comedy thing will work as long as they are build into you instead of something you borrowed from the outside. you have to improve YOURSELF instead of what you SAY.
it doesnt matter if she knows you well enough, if you've improved, then she can know you better than your mother does and you can still have the goods.
make her laugh if not enough, you have to make her laugh and DHV and be cocky.
again, its ok if she has a BF. she can choose him to be her BF but she cant choose to not feel your attraction.
avoid deep convos. they are the killer. the guys who are good at this can usually bullshit for an hour and still be INTERESTING.
your convo example is a wussy convo. avoid getting to know her unless you are going to do negs or tease her about it.
I make no excuses for my desires as a man. -- first Creed.
Be Desireless and excellent. Then be gone. -- Rule of Steve.
Wait wait wait. You are brand new here and your first post is wanting to know how to get a girl you have been wanting to get for a while. Possibly a case of one-itis. I don't like it.....
Even though I don't like it, we are here to help. But one thing you need to know is you must GIVE to the forum and not just ask for help. Good job doing research before asking though.
To answer your questions. I wouldn't tell her DHV stories and I would keep cocky funny to a minimum. If you keep it up to long it turns into a friendship.
Ok to start off. You work with the girl. So it would be hard to change your image by not being in contact with her. There is a key thing you need to do. Put yourself in her shoes. If she always talks about her BF then it means, to her, that he has alot of value. She will not break up with her BF or chance anything in the relationship that is going perfectly well unless she is into you beyond reasonable doubt.
What should you do...? Don't talk to her, don't look at her. But don't be mean. Basically freeze her out.
After you do this I would come on strong. I don't know her limits but if she is up for some lunch, go for it. Try something else than what you have been. If you have been a guy who doesn't say thanks or open the door for her, then do. That might be why she is with her current bf for so long. When you are in conversations with her and she brings up her BF I would be sincere and just say, "Your having lunch with me right now, so can we have a civilized convo without mentioning your BF for once?" It can turn out 2 ways. After she realized that you basically said you don't wanna hear about her BF she might become angry with you and not respect you anymore. OR she can stop mentioning him and you are one step closer to your goal. One thing I must say though is make sure you gained some interest before you do say something like that. Make everything focused on you and get her BF out of her mind because if he is on her mind then the 1st outcome will most likely happen.
But personally I wouldn't break up a 6 year relationship. That's harsh. I will only break up a relationship if I think the relationship is falling apart or happening for the wrong reasons.
thanks alot for your advice.
holyskeleton - i'm just afraid that if i keep bullshitting and telling interesting stories about myself and not taking the time to connect with her by having deep convos, that she will just see me as a funny man. she'll only enjoy my company as a comedian. and yeah, i know that was pretty wussy LOL
my main goal is to set myself up so that she sees me as a viable replacement for her current boyfriend.
DMoney - yes i will defnitely contribute more to these forums once i become more skilled, and yeah, it's a mild case of one-itis but i'd like to give it a shot, i dont fear rejection. anyway, i dont think i could do a freeze out routine on her because we are FORCED to have the same freetimes by the foreman, thats what makes this so damn annoying, i can't keep away. we're put together (sorry if i didnt mention that in the post).
i guess my main problem is what to actually SAY to this girl. like you said, being c/f and dhv stories will make it into a friendship, whereas skeleton discourages deep convo. so im at a bit of a loss as to what to talk about to her to build more interest.
again, thanks for both your posts, very much appreciated.
Dude, a 6 year LTR? Why do you insist on gaming a girl who has a good, strong relationship with someone? You say you want to be a replacement for her boyfriend. So how many years are you planning to wait for them to break up (if they do)?
There is a reason she keeps mentioning her boyfriend. It's girl-speak for "get lost." (Yes, there are times when its a shit test, but when it's a girl you're working with and she says it over and over, it's not).
No one else said it yet, but my advice is to GFTOW. Then find one who actually wants you in her life.
Yes, move on and stop trying to get through to this girl. It sounds like you're still a recovering AFC and your game isn't at all strong enough to get this girl. You need to go out and get your calibration skills up. Get some IOIs then start qualifying, There are signs when to advance to the next stage. I suggest you re-read the venusian handbook, and maybe read The Game, THEN start sarging.
Why would she want to leave her guy for you? She's thoroughly invested (6 years is a long ass time) and even if you did want a one night stand-as mentioned-you can't even get through A2-3. Not that I'm trying to bring you down, which I'm NOT, but you're already on damage control with this girl, and it's best to just get better game and move on. Maybe later when she sees you with those new high value girls, she'll start wonderin' if there's something more to you.
recovering afc? LOL
im still afc to the bone friend. but thanks anyway, im learning.
i just want to TRY though, im leaving work in a month for good, id rather try and fail on this girl then save up and read a billion things and THEN fail on a girl i actually want. of the 100 posts ive read here, the consensus is that gotta go out and try.
but you guys are right, ive accepted failure, im not having any gay ass delusions. but i need field experience.
and just on a side note.
is it in a womans nature to cheat? say for instance, if a woman was with a guy for 10/20 years whatever and really loved him. would it still be possible mystery, style, juggler etc to catch her? im just wondering cuz mystery says a woman is willing to cheat on her man if ur game is 'tight' enough... personally i think thats a bold fucking statement, but he's different. what are ur thoughts on this?
If your game is tight-Then yes. PUA's are exceptions to the rules. Also, you point out that you're done reading and you want to try things out. By all means-Go ahead. You DO know you can sarge more than ONE girl...right?
And since you've read the Venusian Art's handbook, in my books, you are officialy a recovering AFC.
thanks alot for ur advice dude
Leave this girl alone. Go out and game other girls that are single.