Thread: I Make Things to Complicated
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06-20-2012, 10:05 PM #1
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I'll admit that my problem with women is hard-to-follow complexity. And I feel that my downfall is I seem to difficult to understand and it makes me less appealing. (Which I Understand, I wouldn't want to talk to someone who makes things too complicated) I tend to think too much and say too much too quickly. Or I just say things that Make sense to me but maybe awkward or just stupid sounding(And I could justify by explaining but that really can screw the flow of a conversation up). So anyone have any advice?
I Make Things to Complicated
06-21-2012, 12:09 AM #2
When you speak, talk slowly. Think about what you say, before you say it. If you speak more slowly, it gives your brain time to put the words in the correct order \ phrase sentences better.
Start reading more. This will increase your vocabulary and improve the way you structure your sentences.
If people don't understand it, just phrase it differently. This shouldn't be too big a sticking point.
06-21-2012, 01:06 AM #3
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It took few very subtle fundamental realizations for me to actually understand what is it to be a social person and what is social communication.
- All humans are emotional creatures, in any social interaction people respond and more receptive to what provides them a set good feelings.
Happiness, humor, excitement, comfort, understanding, worry, boring, disinterest, empathy, lust, love, scare, curiosity, make them feel awkward, making them feel important/valuable, agreeing with their views, respecting their views etc. And many many more smaller set of emotions. We can probably make a list hundreds of these types of small emotions of every kind. When we socialize and connect to people, every thing we speak is sparking some sort of small or big variation of an emotion or a combination of these small emotions in the very back of mind. I had to very very aware of it and so that when I talk I know what to talk and how to talk for the purposefully giving them right emotion in their head and which will create that humanly bond with them. When we connect with people, we exchange emotions, this is what builds comfort and brings people closer. Talk to their mind looking through their eyes.
- Connecting with people, especially women, is NOT exchanging information. I used to talk complex and too logical with women as if I was exchanging some information or logical facts. Women just don't get it. I had to change it to exchange emotions that go at the very back of their mind, give and take these.
- Being comfortable with yourself when you speak, being comfortable with the fact that you are talking and others are listening. You have time to finish your talk as per your wish. No rush. They will listen to you.
- And the most important one realization that came out of my own brain storming. I think we all humans have a variety in our thought process. Its like a rainbow spectrum of how many types of thoughts can run in our head. We can have our thought process as either too complex, with too many things in too much depth with too much of information, and mostly considering a wider time frame distant past to future at a time as the one end of this spectrum. Opposite to that, very illogical that requires no thinking power, most of the time it doesn't even make any sense, very lite that absolutely has no information in it, and completely being in the present moment as the other end of this spectrum. I imagine this spectrum in my mind and I use my cell phone timer set to every 15 mins to remind to check myself that where am I thinking on this spectrum in that moment. If I find myself going to far on logical and complex side, I pull myself back to the other end, especially when socializing and talking to women. Practicing this is helping me. Things go complex and boring only when you are logically trying prove yourself (it is fine only at work environments etc). Instead of that learn how to subtly use variety of emotions to communicate what you want to communicate.
- Words don't matter that much. What matters is your state of mind and how you perceive yourself way deep down in your mind at that moment. That is what gets communicated. And women read that very well. Like Tyler says "Self is always coming through!"
It is hard to change all this, takes time. I am still working and trying to improve. Good luck.
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