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This is going to be a ...
Told her I liked her before we had sex...
This is going to be a pretty long message, brace yourself newbie here.
So i met this girl on PoF and we hit it off great, I took her on a date the second day we were talking, talked for hours in my car and made out before I left.
Second date she comes to my place at 10, had breakfast, went for a 3 hour hike, had lunch then watched Marley and Me(maybe a bad choice but we bonded)... by now we are cuddled up and touching has escalated to pretty much everywhere comfortably. After the movie we sat and talked for 2-3 hours till dark and the what are you looking for conversation had come up. I made many mistakes here, 1 being that i told her i was a montha nd a half out of a previous relationship, and though I feel virtually nothing for the previous girl anymore I don't think a serious relationship is wise right now because i wouldn't want it to end up being a rebound. She went along with that because.. well lets just say she was really interested in me etc. After that we did dinner and her eyes hurt so much she practically forced herself into my bed and we almost had sex, but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do it yet... came very close though. We got up early and she left at 7:30 to be home (late) by 9.
fast forward a few days and many texts/ a few calls later, and we get into a conversation about how she was worried about me driving home tired, buzzed, and late at night. I wasn't expecting the feelings i felt about it (positive feelings) and in the end i told her how much i liked her. She got really giddy and told me her cheeks hurt from smiling etc. Then we passed out and in the morning i tried making another date plan with her but she was having none of it. So i called and we talked about how after hearing that i didn't want a serious relationship and then that i liked her so much it got her confused and after only a week of talking she felt like she was in too deep.
so now for the last couple days she has been slowly responding less often to texts and didn't pick up my last call. We lost the funny light enjoyable talking and though i've tried i can't reignite them, And i'm wondering how to approach this.
I should also point out that she was very busy with school exams through the week and yesterday was her last day, so perhaps she is just busy. but the way things were left feels like all the momentum i gained has disappeared...
Update: Got a text saying "heyy sorry for not really replying, but i have been doing a lot of thinking and i just don't want/not ready to commit to someone. I'm going to be busy once school starts with homework and work that I just don't think I have the time...."
So I called her and we talked, I told her I agree because I will be going away for work in about a month and our schedules would NEVER line up when I come back. But she was busy with a friend over and she was getting ready for work and she said we can talk later about it...
I think maybe I could still get it somewhere just because I do really like this one, but I'm thinking it might benefit me more to drop this one and move on.
Girls do this sometimes. She fell to fast for you and it scared her. In all likelyhood she probably has intimacy/ trust issues. She self-sabotaged her relationship with you because her feelings scared her.
POF should come with a disclaimer - 90%-100% of the girls on here have some kind of emotional baggage, proceed with caution.
That's what I figured, and PoF really should, most girls I talk to from there have had some sort of baggage.
Originally Posted by BnG
I think you should let her go a while for the moment.
Let her initiate the chat. Move on a little but keep her on radar.
Well my friend, if you tell her you're not looking for anything serious, and then tell her you like her and try to make plans every 2 days.... Does not come off as very congruent does it?
"Psychology is an essential ingredient so that logic dominates emotions, and the human dominates the animal"
It's exactly as you say haha. I can honestly say I don't know what I was thinkign at the time.
Originally Posted by Hitman47
Any opinions on where I should go from here with her? Should I just drop it and maybe reinitiate weeks or months down the road?
Or try to get on friends terms right away?(seems counter productive to me).
It doesnt make sense to persue her again right away but I feel the need to ask if i should just try to reinittiate contact to keep momentum going even if there is a lot of negative emotions now?
Any and all opinions at all are appreciated, I have a few ideas but no certainty.
Hey bro we all go through this one. You already identified the problems: 1) you weren't congruent, in that you talked about not wanting a relationship while your behaviour said the opposite, and 2) you validated her by saying that you like her, which stopped her chasing you and gave her time to think. I think chicks hit a point where they go "yes he likes me... so I can probably do better" or something like that.
I reckon just don't contact her for a while, then if you want reinitiate with the "i just saw your twin text" or something similar, then drop hints that you are "sort of" seeing someone to spark some jealousy.
Remember if you want a casual fuck buddy then you got to follow the rules (check out magic bullets):
- don't see her more than once a week
- keep the conversation light and playful or sexual. Avoid going too deeply into comfort. Tease, roleplay and qualify
- tease, in all senses of the word, as often as possible
- set the scene like you did saying you don't want a serious relationship. Talk about how much fun casual relationships have been for you in the past
- learn how to make conversations turn to the topic of sex. the question game is fuckin gold for this - within 20mins of meeting a girl you can be talking about her favourite positions
Thanks man, I have 1 question though. How long is awhile? I was thinking another week or 2 and then she would still have time for me before starting another semester of school. Once school starts I figured there might be more resistance.
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