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    Trying to get ex-girlfriend to become friend with benefits

    This post is for sake of helping create a strategy on how to convert my past girlfriend into a friend with benefits. I have already read all the other forum posts on this topic but they have helped me very little in what I am trying to accomplish. I definitely want to try this, since I really don’t have anything to lose. I know that any strategy depends previous circumstances to either avoid or utilize certain aspects, so I shall divulge my past as to allow others to help me develop the best possible strategy. Remember, I am somewhat new to PUA, so please be as descriptive as possible in your guidance.

    This was before I learned PUA
    I was an older Junior in high school and she was a young Senior from another school. Both of us were in “nerd” classes (taking all AP classes) and both of us were top of our respective classes (she was valedictorian and I was 3rd). Both of us were socially inept and so my best friend’s girlfriend set us up since she knew both of us and thought we would go well together. We went very well together; despite how inexperienced we both were at dating. The biggest problems were communication and finding the time for a relationship. We rarely even texted one another, and when we did it was simply to schedule the next date. Our dates were also generally two weeks apart because of how involved we were in school. So around Valentine’s day we broke up for reasons based on time. I tried my hand at getting other girls, but only with a little success (remember, this was before I learned pickup).
    Around June-ish I asked her to come with my best friend and his girlfriend as just friends. She agreed. And that WAS my intention. However, apparently I was unintentionally exhibiting alpha behavior or something because halfway through the second movie (we went to see two movies in a row that night) we started making out. Ka-ching. Things improved from the last time since school was over, but we still didn’t talk much and she had a job so time was still limited, just less so than before. College was about to start up and I was afraid that she would leave me because of the 5-hour distance. So I did something really stupid in the hopes that she would want to stay with me. I pulled over to a quiet area by the river (where I often go to think by myself) and I told her that I loved her. It was a stupid idea because she then seemed very distant and broke up with me over text two weeks later. That sucked. Her friends all assumed that I only wanted to hang out with them because I was trying to get her back. So I ended up having to cut off contact from half the tiny network that I had.

    Then I learned PUA
    I became very successful with women. Unfortunately, despite the success I have been getting, there is a problem: kino. I am diagnosed with OCD…which basically means that I cringe at the very thought of human contact…and anxiety disorders…which often make me bail on things before they become serious. I don’t know what it was about my first girlfriend, but she was the only one that I could touch or kiss without freezing up. I think it was the familiarity I had with her. Nonetheless, I ended most of the new relationships that I have formed since then before they really began…mostly because I know what happens when they go in for a kiss and you don’t meet them halfway. I am actually quite surprised that I have been able to succeed with as many women as I have given that I have NEVER used kino in my pickup. I might even post something on here sometime on how I do it. Anyway…

    Here’s the current situation…
    I want practice, and I want to practice on someone I’m familiar with. I’m an 18 year old virgin and I feel if I can get rid of the big V, I might be more receptive to casual contact since I’ll know what to do when it escalates. It has been 4 months since I last made any effort whatsoever to contact her. We are facebook friends, and she is coming home from a school trip to London tomorrow. I do NOT want a relationship with her. Through my successes, I have learned that relationships require a level of time commitment that I (and clearly she as well) simply cannot dedicate. So I’m hoping that I can reestablish contact with her and logically convince her (she is the most logical girl I have ever met…which is why I liked her) that it is to both of our advantages to have that experience without public obligations. I have access to an apartment where we would not be disturbed if it ever comes to that.

    Here’s the rough sketch of the plan thus far…
    I’m going to send a message to her via facebook explaining: that I only said “I love you” so that she would stick around for longer, which clearly was a dumb and over-reactive thing to do. But I would still like her senior picture, since she never got around to actually giving that to me despite how she promised to do so. I’d like to just be friends (this time I mean it…don’t make any moves on me this time ;P) I promise since I’ve been with quite a few other women and I’ve realized that I don’t want a relationship. I’d like to meet her for coffee sometime just to catch up and exchange that senior picture.
    If she agrees, I’ll take her out to coffee. Now, I have read Savoy’s method on getting an ex back, although that is not my objective. Nonetheless, I have changed. I have gained more muscle mass, grown a nice-looking goatee (which actually looks REALLY good on me), and of coarse I have a new confidence from my PUA success. So with this new image and attitude, I’ll continue to explain how satisfied I am being single. However, I miss the thrill of intimacy (of which I have read a few facebook posts where she has disclosed that she feels the same). This is when, after having her agree that the remainder of the conversation be kept a secret, I’ll introduce the logic of being friends with benefits given our current circumstances since both of us are in need of the experience without public obligations. Also, I will say that it will be entirely secret, and that NOBODY will know about it. I’ve read one of Mystery’s posts saying that women are more likely to be in a private relationship because they won’t be judged by their friends, family, etc. and so I hope that would be additional incentive for her. She's atheist so that helps since she won't care about doing something an all-seeing being would disapprove of.

    Here’s where I need detailed advice…

    1. How should I word the facebook message so that I don’t sound pathetic and I have optimum chances of success?
    2. Could you give me step by step what to do once I enter that coffee shop? I gave the background info so that you could possibly give me an example conversation and strategy.
    3. Any other tips would be incredibly helpful.



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    Ex-girlfriend into Friends with benefits?

    This post is for sake of helping create a strategy on how to convert my past girlfriend into a friend with benefits. I have already read all the other forum posts on this topic but they have helped me very little in what I am trying to accomplish. I definitely want to try this, since I really don’t have anything to lose. I know that any strategy depends previous circumstances to either avoid or utilize certain aspects, so I shall divulge my past as to allow others to help me develop the best possible strategy. Remember, I am somewhat new to PUA, so please be as descriptive as possible in your guidance.

    This was before I learned PUA
    I was an older Junior in high school and she was a young Senior from another school. Both of us were in “nerd” classes (taking all AP classes) and both of us were top of our respective classes (she was valedictorian and I was 3rd). Both of us were socially inept and so my best friend’s girlfriend set us up since she knew both of us and thought we would go well together. We went very well together; despite how inexperienced we both were at dating. The biggest problems were communication and finding the time for a relationship. We rarely even texted one another, and when we did it was simply to schedule the next date. Our dates were also generally two weeks apart because of how involved we were in school. So around Valentine’s day we broke up for reasons based on time. I tried my hand at getting other girls, but only with a little success (remember, this was before I learned pickup).
    Around June-ish I asked her to come with my best friend and his girlfriend as just friends. She agreed. And that WAS my intention. However, apparently I was unintentionally exhibiting alpha behavior or something because halfway through the second movie (we went to see two movies in a row that night) we started making out. Ka-ching. Things improved from the last time since school was over, but we still didn’t talk much and she had a job so time was still limited, just less so than before. College was about to start up and I was afraid that she would leave me because of the 5-hour distance. So I did something really stupid in the hopes that she would want to stay with me. I pulled over to a quiet area by the river (where I often go to think by myself) and I told her that I loved her. It was a stupid idea because she then seemed very distant and broke up with me over text two weeks later. That sucked. Her friends all assumed that I only wanted to hang out with them because I was trying to get her back. So I ended up having to cut off contact from half the tiny network that I had.

    Then I learned PUA
    I became very successful with women. Unfortunately, despite the success I have been getting, there is a problem: kino. I am diagnosed with OCD…which basically means that I cringe at the very thought of human contact…and anxiety disorders…which often make me bail on things before they become serious. I don’t know what it was about my first girlfriend, but she was the only one that I could touch or kiss without freezing up. I think it was the familiarity I had with her. Nonetheless, I ended most of the new relationships that I have formed since then before they really began…mostly because I know what happens when they go in for a kiss and you don’t meet them halfway. I am actually quite surprised that I have been able to succeed with as many women as I have given that I have NEVER used kino in my pickup. I might even post something on here sometime on how I do it. Anyway…

    Here’s the current situation…
    I want practice, and I want to practice on someone I’m familiar with. I’m an 18 year old virgin and I feel if I can get rid of the big V, I might be more receptive to casual contact since I’ll know what to do when it escalates. It has been 4 months since I last made any effort whatsoever to contact her. We are facebook friends, and she is coming home from a school trip to London tomorrow. I do NOT want a relationship with her. Through my successes, I have learned that relationships require a level of time commitment that I (and clearly she as well) simply cannot dedicate. So I’m hoping that I can reestablish contact with her and logically convince her (she is the most logical girl I have ever met…which is why I liked her) that it is to both of our advantages to have that experience without public obligations. I have access to an apartment where we would not be disturbed if it ever comes to that.

    Here’s the rough sketch of the plan thus far…
    I’m going to send a message to her via facebook explaining: that I only said “I love you” so that she would stick around for longer, which clearly was a dumb and over-reactive thing to do. But I would still like her senior picture, since she never got around to actually giving that to me despite how she promised to do so. I’d like to just be friends (this time I mean it…don’t make any moves on me this time ;P) I promise since I’ve been with quite a few other women and I’ve realized that I don’t want a relationship. I’d like to meet her for coffee sometime just to catch up and exchange that senior picture.
    If she agrees, I’ll take her out to coffee. Now, I have read Savoy’s method on getting an ex back, although that is not my objective. Nonetheless, I have changed. I have gained more muscle mass, grown a nice-looking goatee (which actually looks REALLY good on me), and of coarse I have a new confidence from my PUA success. So with this new image and attitude, I’ll continue to explain how satisfied I am being single. However, I miss the thrill of intimacy (of which I have read a few facebook posts where she has disclosed that she feels the same). This is when, after having her agree that the remainder of the conversation be kept a secret, I’ll introduce the logic of being friends with benefits given our current circumstances since both of us are in need of the experience without public obligations. Also, I will say that it will be entirely secret, and that NOBODY will know about it. I’ve read one of Mystery’s posts saying that women are more likely to be in a private relationship because they won’t be judged by their friends, family, etc. and so I hope that would be additional incentive for her.

    Here’s where I need detailed advice…

    1. How should I word the facebook message so that I don’t sound pathetic and I have optimum chances of success?
    2. Could you give me step by step what to do once I enter that coffee shop? I gave the background info so that you could possibly give me an example conversation and strategy.
    3. Any other tips would be incredibly helpful.

  3. #3
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    The message should have the tone of 'I was just thinking of you' not 'I can't forget you' or something mushy like that. Don't make the idea of friendship so solid because you may put yourself in a hole unless your attracting game is really good. And also be more subtle about being with a number of other women you may come across as trying to make her jealous or trying to seem very over her, just say "quite a bit has happened since back then," - and then go on to say you realized you don't want a relationship. Other than that I feel like you know what you are doing.

    With regards to the coffee shop. The first thing you should do is try to remove her validation (You made contact after 4 months and you asked her to see you, she will feel validated). Remove validation and up the attraction with push/pull, and being humorous will be key to lighten the entire meet since you guys have history.

    Do NOT seem hurt by her not returning the 'I love you' or anything that happened in the past. Don't even let her think that she is a big deal to you. When the past comes up in conversation be very light hearted about it, this will emphasize that you didn't mean the 'I love you' and that you are over whatever had happened.

    So for the coffee shop:
    -Remove Validation, in funny ways
    -Up the attraction with push/pull
    -Keep a lighthearted mood
    -When she is giving IOI's then start kino escalating
    -See what happens from there

    Best of luck mate.

    BTW I personally always keep my ex's as hook-up's and fb's... Currently f-ing 2 ex's and hooking up with 1. I feel its a waste to throwaway the possibilities from a girl you have gamed. Once I am at the level where I am f-ing her, I wanna keep it there.

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    1) I would suggest trying to reconnect, don't even bring up that you didn't mean to say you loved her, that is irrelevant now. You sound like you're a changed person and you want to show that, you are not the guy that she use to know. You are able to socialize now, and lay multiple women. You want to also act like you're busy and don't care to chase her much.

    Facebook message idea:
    Hey (girls name)! It's been awhile since we've gotten together, but we need to go grab coffee one day next week and talk about uni. (Smart girls like smart talk)

    That's all you need, something easy and short like that. Don't explain anything about the past or apologize for saying "I love you" that's over.

    2) You can't really give a step by step on conversation. Basically act calm, cool, and collected when speaking. Don't speak fast or fumble for words, collect your thoughts and enjoy the flow of the conversation. Don't get weirded out by silences, and if there are too many of them ask her about herself and what she's up to. Girls love talking about themselves and she will go on and on forever! believe me.

    3)
    - Make sure you smell good, take a shower before you leave.
    - Brush/floss your teeth.
    - wear new clean clothes.
    - Don't show up early, either be on time or up to 5 minutes late.
    - Call her the night before and make sure the plans on still on (this is to avoid being flaked).
    - Talk about cool movies, school, her plans after she graduates, jobs that you do or don't have. Whatever really, just shoot the shit for an hour or so.
    - Have gum with you, actually make that a habit. I don't leave the house without gum, and I suggest you do the same.
    Read this post, for the sake of manhood.

    http://www.theattractionforums.com/culture-lifestyle/118569-stifled-man-definition-manhood-2.html#post725896

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    Thanks for the gum tip, I never thought of that. Also, I never thought of promptness to be an indicator of value (I am ALWAYS early to everything), but I see your point and I will certainly do that. I like the simplicity of the facebook message idea, but...

    Unfortunately, I don't know if such small talk or simple intentions would work. That's how I got her back the first time, was by just throwing a text out there saying "Hey, we haven't talked for a while...want to come to see a double feature with Joe, Helen, and I?" and we ended up re-sparking the relationship. But seeing that we ended on different terms the second time around than the first break-up, I have the feeling she won't want to get back together (especially since she told me to ONLY contact her on facebook from now on and not to use text ever again). Truthfully, I don't want to be back together, either.
    It's just that she's the only one I trust enough to practice with. But I don't want to come right out and say "Hey, haven't talked for a while...wanna f***?" because our relationship almost, but never did, get to that point when we were together so I doubt it would be a good idea when we haven't talked for months.
    What I meant by a step by step strategy was that I was looking for more of a sequence of events that should be taken. For example...

    Walk into coffee shop, talk about how much I crave intimacy but hate relationships, escalate kino, ask to keep remainder of conversation private, say that nobody will know PERIOD, suggest FB, explain logic, invite over apartment.

    Or something like that, but a little more detailed. I'm still new to PUA, so I've only found success in the common situations. Since there were no adequate posts to satisfy this complex situation, I decided to start a thread myself. So please disclose as much detail (apart form the obviously necessary hygienic practices) that you can. And the more ideas, the better! Thanks shwnd.

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    Excellent tips! Thank you for helping me polish my facebook message (though more tips from other people are still VERY welcome!).

    I also really appreciate the steps/strategy you provided for the coffee shop. However, there are a few things that I would really like to be explained better.
    As I stated before, I have OCD. So, the farthest that I went with her before was groping once or twice, despite how we dated for a total of 6 months. I that that was HUGE at the time, but i now realize that's nothing. Which is why I would like to practice on her. There are two possible obstacles because of this...
    1) If I begin kino this early, I don't know how she'd react. Neither of us want to get back together for a third time, and if she sees that I am getting closer to her than before, she might misinterpret that as a second attempt to get back together. So I feel as though my intentions to become FB should be clearer before or as I begin kino.
    2) My kino strategies are very primitive and I, despite the articles I have read, am very weak in this aspect of my game. So what are some ways I can escalate kino in this situation without looking as though I'm coming onto her or that I'm being a creep?

    Thanks for the tip Rykage and I hope to see more posts by you. And, of course, to those observing this thread, the more tips the better!

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    Change her mood NOT her mind. You cannot tell her you don't want commitment or don't love her or that you're cool calm and collected. You have to SHOW it. Just be cool and act casual. Lame but true.
    "If a key opens many locks... it is a master key. But if a lock opens with any old key... well thats just a shitty lock."

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    Get together with her and it'll "just happen".

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    Vapor - I realize it is unlikely, but I would still like to try. To get her to be my FB is the preferred situation.

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